Post # 1
Hi I’m new here. Me and my Fiance are getting married 1st May this year, and we’re really happy, but the only trouble is his mum. She phoned my mum up saying my Fiance isnt happy with me ans that I stop him from seeing his family but none of that’s true. I had a word with Fiance about it and he said she was lying. His mum also wasnt happy about my wedding dress as she wanted me to wear hers. Then she had a go at us for chosing the bridesmaids dresses because she wanted to choose them without me or Fiance. Then me and Fiance wanted just a small wedding because money is tight but then Future Mother-In-Law phoned Fiance up shouting and saying we cant have a small wedding and said that I was being awkward. Me and Fiance moved in Novemeber but now Future Mother-In-Law is trying to make Fiance leave me and move back in with her, and says that I don’t want her round mine and FI’s and that I give her evil looks, when I’ve done nothing but be polite and welcomed her in. She now wont speak to me and only speaks to Fiance once every 2 week. She is very controling and its really getting me down. She used to be fine when I first started seeing Fiance but everything’s gone downhill now.
Post # 3
What a mess. Put some mileage between you and this psycho lady- really. You really need to feel out your fiance over his willingness to set some boundaries. If he’s wimpy about it, y’all are in for a “bumpy ride” for quiite a long time. She’s trying to usurp the duties (and joys) that are traditionally your mother’s, and frankly, if I were your mother I’d be putting her in her place. It’s YOUR wedding and your life. The sooner she realizes that, the less trouble you’ll have when children come around.
Post # 4
is any of this cultural? why would she get to choose your or the BMs dresses? Can you just stop answering her calls so often. i think what is most important is that you and Fiance present a united front. if she cant respect you or your marriage, then dont let her come by or call. i know this is easier said than done, but you have to set boundaries and demand that they be respected.
Post # 5
make your Fiance be very straight and stern about this!! my Future Mother-In-Law drives me crazy but my Fiance will never just totally stand up to her and be like “MOM! SHUT UP ALREADY! JUST STOP!” which is what i wish he would do… the longer he doesn’t freak out at her and make her stop, the longer she’ll feel like she can get away with acting like such a brat.
Post # 6
I am sorry that you are going through this.
I agree with FutureMrsMorgan. Have a talk with your FI and tell him your concerns and feelings about all of this. Maybe he can talk her down. If not, you two are in this together and are making this decision for you..not others.
Post # 7
At least your fiance doesn’t seem to be taking her side over the issues. I don’t understand the part where she wants to pick out stuff for YOUR wedding, I thought that was okay for the brides mother. Seems to me like she is scared of losing her son for good and she is trying with all her power to get him back. Try not to worry too much about it. Talk to your Fiance about it and attempt to talk to Future Mother-In-Law. Maybe you both can come to some type of agreement, something she helps with in the wedding. Not on her own but with you.. Good Luck!
Post # 8
Have you seen “Monster-in-Law” yet? It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is trying to sabotage your relationship by making your Fiance choose between her and you. It’s important that you reiterate to your Fiance that YOU are not making him choose, that you know there is just as much room in his heart for both his mum AND you. Once you’ve set that straight, then I really think it’s up to him to tell his mum to cool it! If that means he doesn’t speak to her until after the wedding, then that may have to be the solution. Frankly, she sounds controlling and manipulative, so it’s important you don’t play into it and FORCE your Fiance to choose sides. Let him realize on his own that the only one creating that burden is HER and he’ll end up siding with you. Afterall, I’m sure he’d rather be living with you than his mum!
Post # 9
Is Fiance a only child or atleast the only son? It seems like she may feel like she’s losing her “little boy”. We’re going thru similar issues with Future Mother-In-Law and some of the things I’ve done that have helped are sending Fiance to dinner with her or the family by himself on occassion, creating projects for her to do or help with, and incorporated some of her ideas even if they weren’t something I would have necessarily chose before. Just my take on the situation- hope everything ends up working out.
Post # 10
I agree with FutureMrsMorgan – you and your Fiance need to establish some boundaries with her RIGHT NOW. If you don’t, you will be in this mess for the rest of your lives. You and your Fiance should have a heart to heart (with eachother) and figure out how you plan to address this. This sounds bad, but just like with children (and other family members to an extent), you need to have boundaries and she should almost be able to predict what your response will be to certain things. For example, she starts talking about subject X that you guys have established you will not talk to her about, you and he tell her RESPONSE A. Next time she does it, again, she gets RESPONSE A. She will eventually learn, trust me. I know it’s frustrating, but keep trying. We had to do this with my Future Mother-In-Law because she kept asking when she plan to have children. We’ve decided to tell her that when we do, someone will let her know. That’s it. That’s all – don’t ask anymore. The most important thing is that you and Fiance stick together on the issues, because if she can, she’ll get in the middle of it and you’ll never get her out.
Post # 11
Thank you for your replies, there very much appriciated.
LpCutiPie Fiance has a younger brother who still lives at home.
She is very controlling and Fiance has said to me before that he is scared of her because whenever me and Fiance make a desision Future Mother-In-Law always has to put us down and says things like we’re not capible of making our own desisions. After the ceromony some close family we’re going to have a meal but Future Mother-In-Law wanted everyone we no there and went round telling everyone there invited and when Fiance said we only wanted a few close people she went mad and said we’re being selfish. Me and Fiance said we only wanted his mum, dad and brother, my mum, dad and sister and when Future Mother-In-Law heard my sister was coming, she was saying things like “well if her sister is invited, then everyone else should be as well because it’s not fair”. So now were not having a meal at all cause of her and me and Fiance are trying to deside on what else we could do instead.