- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
Just wanted to vent a little bit about some FMIL difficulties. My relationship with FMIL has always been troublesome–she does like me (FI assures me she does), but she’s a pretty difficult person to get along with (she can be high-maintenance, self-centered, irrational, etc.). We’ve definitely had “issues” in the past, and basically all of them have stemmed from her getting mad at me for something I didn’t even know I had done wrong, i.e. if I don’t answer my cell phone at work, she takes it really personally. Unfortunately, I don’t have a job where I can take personal calls, so it’s a little confusing why someone can get mad at me for not answering my cell phone during the middle of the day.
Anyway, yesterday she sent a really nasty email about me. We haven’t communicated directly in maybe a week or so, but she had recently spoken to my sister about my bridal shower, and apparently there was some confusion in their conversation. She was very upset with me about certain aspects of the bridal shower and dragged me into a lot of her complaints, which I find really overwhelming and pretty annoying since I really don’t have anything to do with the bridal shower at this point. My sister’s doing all the planning–I just have to show up basically. Then she went into this long rant about how I’ve never wanted a relationship with her, I’ve never done anything to communicate with her, she’s been such a great FMIL, and I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to be part of her life, etc. It felt so out of left field because none of that is true at all. I’ve spent so many holidays, spring, summer, and winter breaks, weekends, etc. with her, and we communicate via email, text, phone, and fb quite often–I have more communication with her than the rest of FI’s family combined, and I consider myself much closer to all of them. I also felt taken by surprise because I had recently sent her our invitation proofs, and she never responded, so I didn’t know where she was getting the idea that I don’t ever communicate with her or want a relationship with her.
Needless to say, I was really hurt and upset that she was so mad at me and making accusations that were really untrue. Thankfully, FI went ahead and handled things with her (which was probably the most appropriate thing to do in this situation), and she finally calmed down again and no longer thinks I’m a horrible future daughter-in-law (her words). I guess what hurts most, though, is that she still didn’t apologize or make right for saying all the nasty things she said to me, and I still feel really awkward about things. She sent a sugary sweet email after she and FI talked about something wedding related, which was nice, but it was like nothing ever happened between us, and that’s just a little uncomfortable for me. I don’t think she’ll ever apologize (she never does–FI has a lifetime of proof), and so I’m doing my best to just put the whole incident behind me and move on. It just still kind of hurts, I guess, but I know you can’t change others or the situation–you can only change how you react and move forward.
Anyway, I just needed to vent a bit. Sorry for the novel, and thanks to those of you who read! Feel free to commiserate about any issues you may be having as well, and of course I’d always appreciate any words of wisdom anyone has to offer!