Post # 1
Ok so if anyone one read my last post about FMIL then you know that my FI is divorced, this is something that never bothered me because hay I’m an adult and I can handle the fact that sometimes marriages don’t work out. However his mum never really got over it and would take her over me in a second ,no joke if FI suddenly went to her one day and said I want to get back with my ex wife (let’s call her Jane for the purpose of this) she would probably throw them a party,I can deal with that and in all honesty I don’t really like her. Howver she keeps comparing my wedding to His last wedding this is a conversation I had with her yesterday, I only rung to tell her that I had sent the invites out,
Me: Ive been Looking into accommodation for everyone
FMIL: Well at His last wedding Jane picked out this beautiful five star hotel and then her parents even offered to pay for everyone, honestly how sweet was that.
Me: yea well we are probably going with something more low key
FMIL: Oh that’s a shame
Me: well it is still going to be perfect, but we just want our wedding to be a bit more personal
FMIL: How can you make it more personal than that (Oh yea cause handing out cash is dead personal)
Me: We were actually thinking that one if my friends could officiate
FMIL: Why would you want to do that?
Me: Because, she has been my friend since I was about 4
FMIL: Yea, but what I was thinking was that if you are going to Go with this hole DW then maybe we could talk to the priest about coming out to conduct the cermemony, he performed at Janes wedding the reading She had him say were just perfect.
Ok so I could probably go on for a while like this, but seriously I wouldn’t be surprised if she has some sort of shrine about her somewhere. It is getting ridiculous she always used to compare us but it was never like this it would just be the odd snide comment her and there and I can deal with that but it is just getting worse! She is THE most inconsiderate woman I have ever meant. I don’t think she has said one nice thing about the wedding. What do I do because I am about a mm away from just saying “right fine then if our wedding is going to be so crap don’t bloody come”
Post # 3
I don’t have any advice. Sorry. I wanted to say this really sucks, and I’m really sorry you are being treated like this. It’s your wedding not Janes. Who gives a flying Fuck about Jane. Being the second wife has its drawbacks, my wedding will be my first and his second and stuff like this brings me to tears faster than anything else so I personally think you’re amazing. Can your FI talk to her or help in any way?
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
The only advice I have is that maybe she doesn’t realize exactly what she’s saying. It sounds as if she is trying to give you advice based on your future husbands past wedding, I mean.. obviously it’s not even relevant, but maybe that’s all she has to go on?
Maybe you could kindly tell her that you have a completely differant vision for your wedding, and that it doesn’t make your day any less special. Differant doesn’t equal bad!
Post # 5
One of two things is happening here: either she is just that looney and doesn’t realize what she is doing OR she is a passive aggressive witch who is having a ball.
Either way, you and your FI need to speak to her directly, firmly, and politely and let her know the Jane talk and the wedding comparisons have to end now or she will hear nothing about it. If she continually does this, WHY do you keep telling her things?
Have you spoken to your FI about this? What does he say? Has he spoken to her before? Nip this in the bud before you start hearing (when you have a child), “I’ll be Jane’s child would have had the prettiest eyes…..”
Post # 6
@weddinglol22: where is your fiance in all this? She’s his mother, not yours. Your fiance needs to put in her in her place every . single . time . she mentions Jane.
If FI does not stand up to her, that is a big red flag.
What about when your FI isn’t there, you ask? Easy, never visit her without FI if she’s going to be like that.
Post # 7
I’m sorry!!! My FMIL has said some very similar things about our wedding. She hates every decision we’ve made so far. I told FI a couple weeks ago that it was really bumming me out and he was super supportive and gave me some tips about how to best communicate with her. He also sat down with her and explained again our vision for the wedding and gave her some non-important tasks (chair covers) to do so she can “help” us plan. I hope it gets better for you!
Post # 8
@weddinglol22: I’d say, “I’m not interested in modeling my wedding after that of a failed marriage. Jane didn’t make your son happy. This will make your son happy.”
Shove those words down her throat as much as possible – “Your son happy.” Mom can’t disagree with that.
Post # 9
your FI needs to have a talk with his mother ASAP about this behavior.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Your FI should definitely talk to her about this because it makes you uncomfortable, but if you think all of his other guests won’t be comparing the two weddings, also, then I’m sorry to say that you’re mistaken. Might as well get used to it.
Post # 11
“could you please stop comparing my wedding to Jane’s? For obvious reasons it makes me very uncomfortable”
Nip this shit in the bud.
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
@MeiFrancis: I have to respectfully disagree. I’ve been to two people’s first and second weddings, and the only comparison I made was how much happier/better suited the second spouse was. 🙂
OP- if FMIL won’t shut up after you request that she stop with the comparisons, stop talking about the wedding with her. If she’s going to be so nasty, she doesn’t need to be involved.
Post # 13
Wow that’s incredibly rude of her! I echo everyone’s suggestion of having your fiance talk to her (if he hasn’t already). I would also just stop telling her things about the wedding, period, if she can’t stop comparing them.
Post # 14
Jane may have planned a great wedding but your MIL is fawning over a failed marriage.
She needs to be told that its rude and hurtful, and has zero significance in regards to your plans.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@rebwana: then you’re much nicer than a lot of the people I know!
Post # 16
@Syzygy88: oooh! +100000 I like it!