FMIL Trying to compare my wedding to FI last wedding

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t have any advice. Sorry. I wanted to say this really sucks, and I’m really sorry you are being treated like this. It’s your wedding not Janes. Who gives a flying Fuck about Jane. Being the second wife has its drawbacks, my wedding will be my first and his second and stuff like this brings me to tears faster than anything else so I personally think you’re amazing. Can your FI talk to her or help in any way?

Post # 4
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

The only advice I have is that maybe she doesn’t realize exactly what she’s saying. It sounds as if she is trying to give you advice based on your future husbands past wedding, I mean.. obviously it’s not even relevant, but maybe that’s all she has to go on?

Maybe you could kindly tell her that you have a completely differant vision for your wedding, and that it doesn’t make your day any less special. Differant doesn’t equal bad!


Post # 5
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

One of two things is happening here:  either she is just that looney and doesn’t realize what she is doing OR she is a passive aggressive witch who is having a ball.

Either way, you and your FI need to speak to her directly, firmly, and politely and let her know the Jane talk and the wedding comparisons have to end now or she will hear nothing about it.  If she continually does this, WHY do you keep telling her things?

Have you spoken to your FI about this?  What does he say?  Has he spoken to her before?  Nip this in the bud before you start hearing (when you have a child), “I’ll be Jane’s child would have had the prettiest eyes…..”

Post # 6
7019 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@weddinglol22:  where is your fiance in all this? She’s his mother, not yours. Your fiance needs to put in her in her place every . single . time . she mentions Jane.

If FI does not stand up to her, that is a big red flag.

What about when your FI isn’t there, you ask? Easy, never visit her without FI if she’s going to be like that.

Post # 7
28 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m sorry!!! My FMIL has said some very similar things about our wedding.  She hates every decision we’ve made so far.  I told FI a couple weeks ago that it was really bumming me out and he was super supportive and gave me some tips about how to best communicate with her.  He also sat down with her and explained again our vision for the wedding and gave her some non-important tasks (chair covers) to do so she can “help” us plan.  I hope it gets better for you!

Post # 8
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@weddinglol22:  I’d say, “I’m not interested in modeling my wedding after that of a failed marriage. Jane didn’t make your son happy. This will make your son happy.”

Shove those words down her throat as much as possible – “Your son happy.” Mom can’t disagree with that. 

Post # 9
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

your FI needs to have a talk with his mother ASAP about this behavior.

Post # 10
6194 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Your FI should definitely talk to her about this because it makes you uncomfortable, but if you think all of his other guests won’t be comparing the two weddings, also, then I’m sorry to say that you’re mistaken. Might as well get used to it.

Post # 11
7896 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

“could you please stop comparing my wedding to Jane’s? For obvious reasons it makes me very uncomfortable”


Nip this shit in the bud. 

Post # 12
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@Syzygy88:  Perfect!

@MeiFrancis:  I have to respectfully disagree. I’ve been to two people’s first and second weddings, and the only comparison I made was how much happier/better suited the second spouse was. 🙂

OP- if FMIL won’t shut up after you request that she stop with the comparisons, stop talking about the wedding with her. If she’s going to be so nasty, she doesn’t need to be involved.

Post # 13
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow that’s incredibly rude of her! I echo everyone’s suggestion of having your fiance talk to her (if he hasn’t already). I would also just stop telling her things about the wedding, period, if she can’t stop comparing them.

Post # 14
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Jane may have planned a great wedding but your MIL is fawning over a failed marriage.

She needs to be told that its rude and hurtful, and has zero significance in regards to your plans.

Post # 15
6194 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@rebwana:  then you’re much nicer than a lot of the people I know!

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