FMIL trying to interfere with my dress choices!?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

xtals:  Yea she doesn’t get a say.. she needs a reality check! Hell mines a few thousand, $650 is SUCH a good price!!

You definitely don’t need to tell her how much you spent, its not her business. If she starts saying things like ‘well we’re paying for it’ or ‘you need to spend this much on this or that’ I would seriously consider trying to finance it without their help. My parents are helping us but there are absolutely no strings attached, they don’t care what we use it for they just want to help and for us to have the wedding we want and I think that’s how it should be. I certainly would never expect it or ask for it but once someone offers, it shouldn’t be conditional.

Perhaps you and your FI need to sit down with them and set boundaries and expectations. Too many cooks in the kitchen by the sound of it! You don’t want this turning in to a stressful ordeal, it’s supposed to be fun! 🙂

Post # 3
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

xtals:  I kind of want to see this ebay dress! (I’m sure it’s gorgeous, just not your taste and that’s ok!) 

It’s none of your MIL’s business. Seriously. I brag about what I’ve spent on my dress, but it’s because I love it AND it was a great deal. I do NOT at all expect other people to use my dress as the “standard” of wedding dresses because it’s a little more offbeat. It’s not a poofy princess dress, but it’s not an off the rack / outlet / knock off either. It’s somewhere in between and it’s mine. 

Dresses are very personal and she can say what she wants, but you shouldn’t feel like a spendy bride unless there’s some truth to what’s she’s saying. If there isn’t, she’s simply stating her opinion that she doesn’t think a dress is where you should throw money away.

You can absolutely agree on not throwing away money on a dress — you aren’t throwing it away if you’re exchanging $$ for a dress you like or love. You’re throwing it away if you’re exchanging it for a dress you are meh on or dislike. 😉

Post # 4
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Miss_E_xx:  I agree, I think it’s worth turning down her money for the dress. Don’t even talk dress expenses to her. Just say “I’m looking after my dress and it’ll be a surprise”. Your mother can then help with the dress cost if you want, but it’s not FMIL’s business.

For my wedding, the parents split the cost of the reception and catering, but we (DH and I) looked after everything else. So things like dresses, tuxes, invitations, wedding cake, photographer, decorations, transport were out of our parents’ hands – we could spend as much or as little on them as we wanted. Perhaps you can come to some sort of similar arrangement, where you’re only looking for help for the reception and/or catering.

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