FMIL upset she wasn't named on invitation (my parents are paying)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@anon1234:  What did your FI tell her???  I hope he explained to her why!!

Post # 4
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

If she says anything to you personally I would say something. I mean, you were inclusive on your invite, so if she wants to push it she is bringing the pain!

Post # 5
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@anon1234:  Uggggh nightmare!!!!!  She sounds crazy – sorry you have to deal with her 🙁

Post # 6
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It seems a bit ridiculous that she’d want to be named on the invitation when she isn’t contributing. I think the way you worded it is perfect. You didn’t do anything wrong, she’s just being overly sensitive.

That’s funny that she thinks you copied the idea for the RSVP cards too. I’m pretty sure that MOST people do that!

Post # 7
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

@anon1234:  Have your FI handle it and ignore her. Not much else you can do.

Post # 8
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@anon1234:  Well crap I copied her nephew too!  Honestly she’s lucky you included their family at all!

Post # 9
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She sounds like a real piece of work. I admire your patience – I think I would have cracked up by now.

Post # 10
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

@anon1234:  No advice but I am dreading this. FI’s parents generously offered us money for the wedding but we declined, because they have a completely unhealthy relationship with money and tend to guilt trip about it later. I’m sure they’ll be expecting to be named on the invitation. Sometimes you just can’t win. 

 

Post # 11
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Paying does not mean hosting.  Saying “together with their families” means you, your parents, and his parents, are hosting the event jointly. It implies payment, as hosts generally pay, but all it says is who the host is. 

I think your FI should have broached this subject before to see how she felt about it.  I am very traditional and my parents alone hosted our wedding, so we only included their names on the top of the invitation, but we added the “son of” line after DH’s name so his parents would be included.  It was only fitting (for us, at least) to be inclusive of everyone.

Now, I think you should leave it to your FI to handle, but you should both apologize for the hurt feelings. 

Post # 13
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

@anon1234:  I totally understand where you are coming from… But even if my mom and dad didn’t pay a dime, which they are barely paying for anything I would still put both my fiances and my parents on the invitation…Its just because its tradition, but thats just me.  I know my parents would be absolutely crushed if I didn’t include them..

Post # 14
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s a nice gesture to put his parents name on the invitation even if they aren’t paying, but it’s certainly not required. I wouldn’t let it get to you. She’s entitled to her feeings, and I would probably be a little hurt if I was her to be honest.  I would never say anything though. It’s not worth it to engage in an argument over this.

Post # 15
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ugh, so annoying.  I can see my FMIL pulling something like that.  What did your FI say to her?  Hopefully he nicely explained that you included everyone with your wording and that it wasn’t meant to slight her, then reminded her that she’s not paying for the wedding and doesn’t really get a say.

The part about you copying the RSVP cards is just too much.

Post # 16
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Traditionally, invitations list those hosting the event (usually the people paying for it). The ‘together with their families/parents’ is a nice way to include both sides, without getting into the ‘John and Mary Smith invite you to the wedding of their daughter Jane to Mark, son of Anthony and Jennifer Jones’ formality. 

I think she’s just being ridiculous, especially if she’s never brought this up before. My personal feelings are if you’re not helping out (financially, or in some other way like DIY projects, organization, coordination, etc), then mind your own business, smile and shut up.

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