Post # 1
So our invitations finally went out and FI gets a call from his mom last night all upset asking why we didn’t include her name on the invitation. I think FI was scared to tell me because he knew this wouldn’t go over well with me.
My parents are paying for 100% of this wedding, including FMIL’s travel expenses.
The wording on the invite says “together with their families”, so despite the fact that my parents are technically hosting, we decided to be polite and inclusive and it’s still not good enough for FMIL.
Oh yea, and she thinks we copied her nephew because we included self addressed/stamped RSVP cards, because obviously he is the only person who’s ever done this in the history of weddings.
I can’t even…
I so badly want to tell her off, remind her that neither she nor her ex-husband have contributed one dime to this wedding and they’re lucky I even put “together with their families”. I can’t believe she would even make an issue out of this. What the hell is wrong with this woman? I can’t win with her!!!!
Post # 3
@anon1234: What did your FI tell her??? I hope he explained to her why!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
If she says anything to you personally I would say something. I mean, you were inclusive on your invite, so if she wants to push it she is bringing the pain!
Post # 5
@anon1234: Uggggh nightmare!!!!! She sounds crazy – sorry you have to deal with her 🙁
Post # 6
It seems a bit ridiculous that she’d want to be named on the invitation when she isn’t contributing. I think the way you worded it is perfect. You didn’t do anything wrong, she’s just being overly sensitive.
That’s funny that she thinks you copied the idea for the RSVP cards too. I’m pretty sure that MOST people do that!
Post # 7
@anon1234: Have your FI handle it and ignore her. Not much else you can do.
Post # 8
@anon1234: Well crap I copied her nephew too! Honestly she’s lucky you included their family at all!
Post # 9
She sounds like a real piece of work. I admire your patience – I think I would have cracked up by now.
Post # 10
@anon1234: No advice but I am dreading this. FI’s parents generously offered us money for the wedding but we declined, because they have a completely unhealthy relationship with money and tend to guilt trip about it later. I’m sure they’ll be expecting to be named on the invitation. Sometimes you just can’t win.
Post # 11
Paying does not mean hosting. Saying “together with their families” means you, your parents, and his parents, are hosting the event jointly. It implies payment, as hosts generally pay, but all it says is who the host is.
I think your FI should have broached this subject before to see how she felt about it. I am very traditional and my parents alone hosted our wedding, so we only included their names on the top of the invitation, but we added the “son of” line after DH’s name so his parents would be included. It was only fitting (for us, at least) to be inclusive of everyone.
Now, I think you should leave it to your FI to handle, but you should both apologize for the hurt feelings.
Post # 12
@anon1234: Vent away! She sounds looney.
Post # 13
@anon1234: I totally understand where you are coming from… But even if my mom and dad didn’t pay a dime, which they are barely paying for anything I would still put both my fiances and my parents on the invitation…Its just because its tradition, but thats just me. I know my parents would be absolutely crushed if I didn’t include them..
Post # 14
I think it’s a nice gesture to put his parents name on the invitation even if they aren’t paying, but it’s certainly not required. I wouldn’t let it get to you. She’s entitled to her feeings, and I would probably be a little hurt if I was her to be honest. I would never say anything though. It’s not worth it to engage in an argument over this.
Post # 15
Ugh, so annoying. I can see my FMIL pulling something like that. What did your FI say to her? Hopefully he nicely explained that you included everyone with your wording and that it wasn’t meant to slight her, then reminded her that she’s not paying for the wedding and doesn’t really get a say.
The part about you copying the RSVP cards is just too much.
Post # 16
Traditionally, invitations list those hosting the event (usually the people paying for it). The ‘together with their families/parents’ is a nice way to include both sides, without getting into the ‘John and Mary Smith invite you to the wedding of their daughter Jane to Mark, son of Anthony and Jennifer Jones’ formality.
I think she’s just being ridiculous, especially if she’s never brought this up before. My personal feelings are if you’re not helping out (financially, or in some other way like DIY projects, organization, coordination, etc), then mind your own business, smile and shut up.