(Closed) FMIL usually makes me angry, but this time I’m just sad :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

That would bother me too.  I would just make an effort to get to know the new gf during Christmas.  Who knows…she could be totally cool.  As for the gift thing *shrug* try not to let it totally drag you down…It’s sort of petty ya know?  You seem better than that!  Go and rock that xmas party!

Post # 5
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

no no you have all our support πŸ™‚ 

sometime dealing with the in laws is soooo difficult, you don’t know what to do because in anycase what you say/do will be taken wrongly 

have that with my two sis in law…

Post # 6
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

it’s a sucky situation. maybe just be glad you know it’s coming so it’s not a sucker punch on christmas. you can feel what you need to feel now and maybe by christmas, the hurt will have lessened a bit.

Post # 8
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I understand…and I would be hurt too. Actually, my future in laws treat me the same way. Its not that I don’t get along with them-they just prefer the sisters boyfriends over me. For Christmas last year I got an “I owe you” from his mom. I’m not even kidding. I did get a small gift a few weeks later but seriously? The sisters boyfriends are getting very thoughtful expensive gifts this year. I feel totally lame being jealous but I’m with you-it’s hurtful.

Post # 9
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Who needs the sweater and jeans when you got her terrific son! I don’t know that it’s easy, but I think that when you make the choice to see someone for what they are– ridiculous and petty– then you take away their power to hurt you. So shrug, roll your eyes, give it the ol’ “here we go again,” and go give your FI a kiss….

 

but that’s just what I would do.

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well hon,

If you’re been reading my posts, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Right down to the dollar store spice rack. (I seriously got the same exact thing last Christmas and for my birthday this year? A cheap ass candle. And of course you know all about the whips and handcuffs at the bridal shower).

You have every right to be sad.  I would actually be mad if I were you, but I can see you are past that. Jeans and a sweater for girly who is so new she might not even last? I mean, petty or not, I agree with you !

I don’t undestand why your FMIL is making you feel this way. You would think that as her son’s love, she would bend over backwards to make you feel welcome. Is she jealous of you? Because that’s what happened in my case.

So what do you do now? Get drunk before you see her? lol

Seriously, there’s not much you can do. I would, however, sit my fiance down and at least tell him how you feel. It’s his mom, for pete’s sake (no pun intended on your user name) so he should be the one making you feel better or asking Mommie dearest to back off.

They say that when you marry a man you marry his family too. I say “eff that if they keep treating me like Sh!t !”

remember the reason you are with your man and remember that letting her get to you, you are letting her win ! That always works for me for at least a little bit !!! HUGS !!! PM me if you want !

Post # 12
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If I were the new girl I would be so weirded out by my new boyfriends parents whom I’ve never met giving me clothing, or anything at all for that matter, for Christmas. And why the hell would your FI know this girls size? Yeah she’d definitely being a biatch on purpose. I’m sorry you have to deal with her. I wish I could tell you how to deal with her, but honestly, besides just putting on your best smile and trying to avoid conversation with or near here, Im not sure what else to tell you. Good luck and merry christmas! I hope all goes well!

Post # 13
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Your FI needs to stand up for you. There is no way you should feel like this. You need to explain to him that you need him on your side and that he needs to say something to his mother. It’s ridiculous. If he doesn’t stand up now, he never will. And sadly, you’ll always be 2nd fiddle to her. Put your fott down – you don’t deserve to be treated like this!

Post # 14
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrs.peters.to.be:  awww im certainly very understanding of where you are coming from :/  And let me be clear that my FI has also told me “it is all in my head” and “how do I come up with this stuff”.  He always supports me but never really sees “what the big deal is”.

My situation is verrry similar only I was the new girl in the family always trying to be accepted and the one who had been there for a long time was the one everyone adored.  Do you know what ended up working really well for me?  I became friends with my soon to be SIL.  It was super hard at first because I always felt a little upset deep down that she was way more accepted and closer… and FMIL never made comments to her like she does to me.  It’s funny now though because FSIL and I talk about our experiences with the family and she actually always feels the same way I do.  We have become very close over the last 3 years. πŸ™‚

goodluck to you πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

The woman is clearly a bit crazy.  She may also be lashing out because her son is getting married….to you…which will make you the most important woman in his life, not her (not that you aren’t already, but you know, that’s what they say).  It’s really unfair to make you feel so lonely at Christmas.  But you have to realize it is not you, it is her, and honestly, pity her that she A. has no manners and B. concentrates on making people unhappy to probably mask her own unhappiness.  And if the guys have a “boy time,” get out of the house.  Go see a movie.  Go shopping.  But don’t even giver her the ability to make you feel less than you are.  And ignore, shrug it off, and just don’t let it get to you.  And next year….make sure to have your Christmas with your mom and your new husband πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Part of me is hoping that she called with that excuse to gauge your reaction to the jeans/sweater idea because she’s really going to get them for you, but didn’t know how to ask without giving it away.

If that’s not the case, just remember that she has to live with herself all the time in her petty, selfish body. I, too, have a difficult family member who sometimes does things like this, and what my sister and I always end up telling each other is that we can’t change it. I know that’s not very consoling, but just remember: It’s not you. IT’S HER.

And if you need to cry, cry. Sometimes that’s the only way to feel better. <3

The topic ‘FMIL usually makes me angry, but this time I’m just sad :(’ is closed to new replies.

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