(Closed) FMIL vent

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I feel your pain on the downpayment part…FFIL had said he would give us $10000 for the downpayment on our house….we never saw it…we actually GOT the mortgage based on this money and had to “fix” it after he renegged…but unlike your FMIL he can afford it, and it’s not like we ASKED for money from him…he offered it….

We have learned not to count on stuff from him and we are paying for our own wedding…..

I know it’s hard….FFIL renegs on stuff all the time….we just had to learn not to listen to him or accept his money…and if  we DO accept something there’s always a contract involved….

I wouldn’t bother confronting her…just if she says she will do somehting, just tell her someone else has offered to do this for you…..

Post # 4
Member
46141 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Either you or your FI confronting her would be a total waste of time and energy.

Just let it go and tell yourself never to believe another thing she says about money.

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

there are people that are going to disappoint you consistently and your FMIL sounds like one of these people – my advice is never to expect anything from her and dont ask anything of her, she is not someone you can rely on

going forward, dont dismiss having someone doing pickup duty for your wedding – as long as she actually does these things it can be a big help

Post # 6
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

That really sucks, and I would want to vent as well. Unfortunately, if your FI won’t stick up to her, nothing will change. Since you don’t really care for the money all that much, I guess not much is lost, although the house down payment would’ve really helped, I’m sure.

I would be a little concerned going forward in life though, because she may expect/demand things later in life…will your FI stand up to her then? 

Post # 8
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t count on her for anything from here on out AND I also wouldn’t consider her wishes on things she wants done. I also wouldn’t involve her. Send her an invitation to the wedding. Book your plane tickets. Buy the house. She’s the one who is missing out. Is it right that she spoils her nieces but not her son? Of course not. But you can’t change her actions, or her way of thinking and I think that if you allow yourself to be in a position to be let down by her, you will always be let down by her. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, at least you have your family.

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