- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I really need to get this off my chest and the bee is always such a helpful place! Sorry its so long…this has been building up.
Let me give some back story. When FI was 2 his dad was murded, FMIL never remarried, so it’s always been just her and FI. Their extended family is pretty close, so they always helped FMIL when possible. Now FMIL spoils her 2 neices and has always sort of ignored FI. Right now FI lives with his mom to save money, but he is very indepent from her, he gets his own food, pays his bills, etc. FI knows that his mom is horrible at handling money, so he never asks her for anything. But when he went to college, he asked her to sign the parent plus loan and said he’ll make the payments, he just needed her to sign the paper. She refused to sign the loan because she didn’t think he would “make it” through college. He’s now about to graduate with an architecture degree…magna cum laude, mind you. She STILL says to him (I’ve heard it) that she doesn’t think he’ll make it through college.
Fast forward to when we get engaged, it will be 2 years ago this April. Shortly after our engagement, FMIL promised us that she would pay for half the wedding costs (my parents are paying for the other half). I thought that was very generous of her and promised I would do my best to keep costs low. A few months go by and she then tells me that she can only afford to pay $10,000. Still a good portion for her to pay and I said that’s fine and thanked her again. Again, a few months go by and she says she can only pay $5,000. I thought, that’s fine, my parents were planning on paying for the whole thing, but every bit helps. Then she says, she doesn’t want to pay for the wedding, she’ll do the rehearsal dinner and give us the $5,000 towards a down payment on a house because that would be more helpful to us. FI and I thanked her and said that would be a big help.
Now, during all of this she also offered to gift us our honeymoon because she has timeshares and we can go anywhere in the US. FMIL, FI, and myself talked about it and she agreed that we could go to Hawaii. I talked to my neighbor, who is a travel agent, and she said the best time to buy the airline tickets would be around Easter time. I told this to FMIL and she said that’s good because that’s when she planned on buying them. In Jan she booked the timeshare and a few weeks ago she told FI and she can’t buy the plane tickets until summertime. I asked FI if we could count on her to even buy the tickets, he said probably not.
In December, FI and I started looking at houses and are still looking now. I asked FI if his mom would still give us the $5,000 towards the down payment because that will make a big difference on our loan. He said that she told him she’s not going to give us the $5,000 anymore. Now I know it’s her money (or lack thereof) and she can do what she wants, but for 2 years now she’s been telling us that she would give us the money towards our home and now she’s backing down.
What put me over the edge was this…she decided to go back to school this semester and get her masters degree!! We all know that’s not cheap. FI is beyond furious with her because she promised us all these things and when it comes time to put forward, she takes it back. Then decides to spend a small fortune and get her masters.
I’ve tried talking to FI, telling him he needs to confront his mom, mostly about the downpayment, but he won’t. I don’t feel it’s my place to confront her about this because I’m not her daughter and she doesn’t know that I know all of this.
She’s also asked me for a list of things to do for the wedding because FI is her only child and she wants to be involved. So I emailed her a long list of things that need to be done and told her to let me know what she wants to be in charge of. She picked everything that doesn’t cost any money! Like picking things up (after they are paid for), brining things to the church and reception site. The only thing that she said she would do that cost money is get breakfast for the girls while we get our hair and make up done….and I recently found out that she pawned that job off on FI’s grandma so FMIL wouldn’t have to pay for any food!!
She does everything possible to get out of paying for anything, but when it comes to herself and her 2 neices, she’ll pay anything. She spoils them and will do nothing for her only son. If she didn’t promise us all of these things time and time again, I wouldn’t be upset. But when you tell somebody over and over that you’ll help, you need to come through!
I’m sorry that was so long, but like I said, this has been building up for a long time. I just can’t stand the way she treats FI and I’m sick of her backing out on all of her promises!
End vent…………for now.