Post # 1
UNBELIEVEABLE!!!!I’m truly at a loss for words ladies…..last week my mom finally picked out her dress (cutting it close-but she is having it made so no biggie). It’s going to look so nice and it the prettiest shade of teal-nice and jewel colored. So I told FI and FMIL that my mom picked out her dress and color. Figuring that it was understood that she would NOT pick the same color. Well, I had already discussed at length the reason why I didn’t want her wearing black to our wedding (its her son’s wedding not his funeral!!!) and got her to agree. So i went over today and she wanted to show me the dress she bought for the the wedding….WHY IN THE WORLD WAS IT BLACK AND TEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t even begin to explain how my face must have looked but my FI called me into another room quick. I am just so beyond annoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why would she do this why???????I haven’t had a chance to vent to FI yet i’m really trying to figure out what to say…any advice?
Post # 3
I could go either way on that – it could be total cluelessness on her part, depending on her personality. Since no one actually told her not to do teal, maybe she assumed she was supposed to coordinate with your mom? And that if it’s part black that’s not the same as it being all black.
Honestly, I know you must be annoyed, but I think I would put this in the ‘choose your battles’ category. In the long run, at least she’s not wearing something horribly inappropriate or something that will clash to high heaven in the pictures. Probably better to start off on the right foot with the woman who will be a part of your family after you get married.
Post # 4
You know, my FMIL also asked me if she should match my mom…so maybe it’s not as apparent to some people. I would also assume that you know that the two mother’s do NOT need to match, but since she asked me too, maybe it’s not.
Post # 5
I don’t think this is too big of a deal. Maybe she really thinks black is a good color on her. Is she older? Many older women are very “black is chic” about it. I think she’ll look nice and while she’ll match your mom, it’s not like she went out and bought a solid black dress or a solid teal dress. Did she think she was supposed to match? My mom originally thought this before I had to correct her. Is the the kind of person who would do this to be mean or vindictive? If not, I”d definitely just let it slide b/c it’s probably small potatoes in the end
Post # 6
I know what you all are saying, but it’s not a clueless thing. See I told her what my moms dress was like and the color and I asked her to pick a different color because I didn’t want them to match-I wanted them each to stand out. And it’s more upsetting to me because I want my mom to feel unique and special that day. She has been there for me throughout the whole wedding planing-late night DIY centerpieces and running all across town to find the perfect shoes while my FMIL has done NOTHING! She hasn’t even helped getting my two FSILs ready with what they need. Total lack of interest or participation. For my bridal shower she didn’t even get up so that my mom could intro her to the rest of my family and friends (and my mom ASKED!)…It’s frustrating because it feels like she was trying to take my mom’s thunder so to speak. Don’t get me wrong we get along fine but when it comes to anything about the wedding she seems like she could care less. I know in the long run it’s not a big deal it’s just a dress and my mom will look beautiful no matter what-but it stinks that my FMIL would pick a dress in the color I asked her to avoid!
Oh-and as far as the black dress thing, I know it can look elegant but even FMILs MOTHER (my FIs grandmother) told her not to show up to the wedding in a black dress! I guess in their family if the mother wears black to the wedding its like a disapproval…..
Post # 7
maybe your FMIL is doing this pruposely to get on your nerves! I know it must suck, but at this point I would just let her do her own thing. She doesn’t seem to listen and she probably wants all the attention.
Is there any way that maybe your mom can change the color of her dress? I only say this because you wanted them to wear different colors and since your FMIL isn’t budging maybe you can change your Mom’s.
Post # 8
I was wondering too, if there was another color your mom loves as much? What does FMIL’s dress look like? Is it pretty? I don’t think black is bad for weddings, anymore. Honestly, I’m not picturing her black and teal dress looking as nice as your mother’s all teal dress. If that is the case, who gives a darn? The most important thing is that your mom looks better 😉
Post # 9
Let’s try to believe that she thinks the MIL and MOB should match. If that’s true, her feelings would be terribly hurt if you said anything to her. I think the gracious thing to do is gently explain the situation to your mother – without casting too much blame – to give her the option of deciding she wishes to change her dress. Talking to your FMIL will only cause hurt and trouble.
Post # 10
As a MOB I really think she ws trying to match. I’d let it go and let her wear it. Really it doesn’t matter. You already talked her out of black..she is doing a compromise. Smile it will be fine!
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2007 - Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL
Awww, I can understand your disgruntlement!! Your FMIL doesn’t sound like a joy… but definitely look on the bright side – that your family portraits will look good and their dresses will complement each other instead of clash! Can you imaging if she found another color that just looked AWFUL with the teal?
Traditionally the MOB picks her outfit first, and then the FMIL will try to find something complementary…
Post # 12
I say let it go. Not that I don’t see where you are coming from but I had some similiar issues with my FMIL and in the end, more drama ensued than ever needed to. You will hardly have any pictures with her and will be so busy and happy at your wedding that you won’t even notice her that day. Looking back, I can’t beleive I even cared for a second what my FMIL wore. I promise you, this is a small issue to best leave alone.
Post # 13
Whevener she does something stupid or nasty like this, just remind yourself that you will be the gatekeeper to her future grandchildren.
If I were you, I would ask her to exchange the dress for different colors. If she doesn’t I would call this decision “Strike One” on her part.
If she keeps being nasty to you, she doesn’t to see the kids. Period.
Besides, it’s bad parenting to let kids see you being treated like dirt and you being a spineless wimp about it.
You will be so happy on your wedding day, you probably won’t notice as much as you think. Just give your Mum a heads up so she can add beautiful color in the form of a belt, scarf, jacket, etc.
Post # 14
That is annoying! Here on wedding bee we allow you to assume the absolute worst of her. Vent away!
But I think this may be a ‘pick your battles’ type situation. She will be in a few pictures, yes. But ultimately what she is wearing has very little impact on your day.
Post # 15
thanks ladies, she actually did exchange it for a deep plum tone, and she is talking about exchanging that one for a black one….i’ve decided to go with your advice and just let it go I have 2 weeks left and i’m not getting hung up on this!!! i’m channeling my inner tiny-toon (tiny toon adventures-anyone remember them lol) “i aret to loon i am, i aret to loon i am….” lol 🙂
Post # 16
I don’t think its a big deal hey at least its not all black or worse yet white.