Weddingbee boards

I've had my wedding party "set" for the last ten years.  My MOH is my best friend from elementary school, jr high, high school, college, and beyond AND my one BM is my other best friend from jr high, high school, college, and beyond as well.  That's it.  My FI has his best friend as his Best Man and cousin as his GM.  So a very small wedding party.

I've always thought that the BM's are those closest to the bride and doesn't she get to choose?  Well, my FMIL wants us to put her daughters in the wedding on "my side" as BMs and I just don't want that.  I'll be 29 soon and her daughters my FSIL's will be 19 and 22- by the time we marry.  She says that it's "tradition."  I'm closer to the youngest FSIL but not the older one and honestly I'm not close enough to either of them that I want them in the wedding.  Not only that but we're on a tight budget and my mother is paying for the wedding and FI's side has not offered anything.  Am I being selfish?  I just see a huge discrepency in age.  I'm awful with confrontation... but when did this not become everyone else's wedding??

just let her know what's what. she doesn't choose your bridal party... the BRIDE chooses the bridal party.

If your FMIL is not contributing financially to the wedding, it's really not her place to make demands. It is your wedding, and you should have only the people you truly want in your bridal party. 

You might be able to find another role for your FSILs just to appease FMIL. But at ages 19 and 22, if your FSILs really wanted to be involved in the wedding, they would probably have mentioned it to you themselves. 

I just feel bad about it.  I'm so used to pleasing people.  I just spoke to my FI and he said he didn't think it'd be a big deal and that both his parents wanted their daughters in the wedding.  It's traditional in Mexico, where they are from.  It's not traditional for me.  He thought I'd be fine with it and doesn't see why I'm having a problem with it.  I've explained it to him but now it's just causing issues. So I told him, I'd think about it.  But now he says he feels like I'll just say okay because I'm being "forced" too and that it's not truly what I want.  So he said he'll just call his mom and tell her. :/ I feel awful about this now. I don't want to start married life with my in laws disliking me.  I know I just need to grow up... I can't make everyone happy. 

Thanks everyone... It doesn't sound harsh at all and it's the complete truth.  I need to stand up for myself.  I just feel really selfish.  My FI spoke to his mother and let her know the situation.  He said she was a little upset about it and disapointed, but he's sure she'll get over it.  He still didn't think it'd be this big of a problem but realizes we (our families) do have a lot of cultural differences - which he's explained to his parents.  He also did say he respects my decision as his future wife and he'd deal with it.  I have an awesome FI. 

I'm going to ask the to help with some other things in the wedding later on and I want to honor them with corsages.  However, I'm going to wait a little while before asking them.  I'm getting married in December so there's still time for wounds to heal I guess. 

@hisgoosiegirl: @bklynbridetobe:  @soyjoy222:

YES!  He just reminds me WHY I want to marry him.  He is awesome.  I know I'm lucky that he'd never say, "well then you tell her."  I don't think she's going to dictate much more.  My FI and I had a heart to heart last night and we're reminding ourselves that this IS OUR wedding and it's okay to get what WE want... Thanks again for the support guys!  I still feel a little guilty and hope feelings didn't get hurt too much, but I did get what I wanted. 

@PinkMagnolia:  Yes, I did orignally want them included in the wedding in some way.  I just hope feelings aren't hurt that poorly that they don't want to do it.  If they just want to come as guests, I'm fine with that too.  Wedding is not until December so there is still a lot of time left.