Post # 1
We are having a tiny issue with my Future Mother-In-Law. One of FI’s groomsmen designed some beautiful invitations for us and we are going to have them printed soon. I sent the design to my mom and also to my Future Mother-In-Law because I want her to feel included. She liked the colors and everything but is upset that we don’t have parent names on the invite. Everyone is chipping in for the wedding (including us) and she feels that her name should be on there. We are not having a super traditional or formal wedding so I wanted the wording be simple and cute. I also just don’t like the traditional invitation wording with parent names because I think it sounds stuffy (that’s just me!). And since FI’s parents are divorced and both have SO’s there would be 3 sets of names which is ridiculous. Plus, the invitation would have to be redesigned and I don’t want to ask our friend to redo it (he’s doing it as a gift). I would be open to having something like “together with their parents” but I don’t think she’d be satisfied with that because it doesn’t name her specifically. She suggested putting names on the back but I think that would look really weird. Now she is saying that we don’t need to worry about it since my parents and FI’s dad don’t care at all, but we know she would still be upset about it.
Sorry for such a long post, but what would you do in this situation?
Post # 3
Stick with my original plan. If she is being passive aggressive by saying to forget about it because the others are ok with it, I would take her at her word.
Post # 4
@AugustBride2013: Could you put ‘along with their parents’ or ‘along with their families’? Then it wouldn’t be so stuffy and you are still including them. I think if they are helping chip in then it would be nice to include them on the invites.
Post # 5
@iadornyou: Sorry, I just ready that you didn’t think she would be open to it – how did I miss that?? 🙂
Post # 6
I dislike when the parent’s names are on the invitations. I like when the invitations say “together with our families”
I would stick to your guns. The fact is you didn’t need to show her the invitation at all.
If she wants to make about the money, you could offer to put the names in font size order, based on who is contributing the most!!
Post # 7
@AugustBride2013: Are you having wedding programs? If so, her name will be on there. I don’t like the idea of putting the parents’ names on the back of the invitation.
Post # 8
If it were me, I would thank her for her suggestion, add the “together with their parents” line, and not share the final mock-up with her. Hopefully when she sees it later, she’ll have the tact not to say anything since she’ll know they have all been sent out already.
Post # 9
I think this is a perfect time for “together with their families.” It’s a perfect compromise – you don’t have to have tons of different names on the invite but she is included. If she’s not willing to be happy with a compromise, then I would just not worry about it.
You could present it in a very positive way – like oh you know you are right, everyone is contributing and I want to acknowledge your importance in our lives so we’re going to add together w/our families to the invite.
Post # 10
@AugustBride2013: Stick with your original plan that you loved! Don’t be pressured into changing it for other people, as it’s your wedding. Is your Future Mother-In-Law paying for the rehearsal dinner? If so, maybe include her name on the rehearsal dinner invite instead. Also, you can list her name in the program at the wedding. Finally, when you do toasts at the reception, you and your FH can mention her and thank her along with the other parents. She will get more than enough recognition via other means. She does not need to be named on your invitation.
Post # 11
This is why you don’t ask for people’s opinions on stuff that you’ve already got arranged. Just do what you want and quit giving her an opportunity to chime in.
Post # 12
Yeah I don’t plan on having no parents names on the invitations mainly because me and FH will be fitting the bill so we will just put “together with their family” . I would just leave the invitiation as is since it’s already designed
Post # 13
I think stick with your original plan or put ‘together with their families’
Post # 14
Etiquette Snob here…
Agree with the other Bees, this sounds like a perfect occasion for the
“together with their families”
(vs parents… families being even more inclusive)
I think once she see’s the final product, her heart will soften… it will be a good compromise.
Hope this helps,
PS… Of course as the Design of the Invite is a gift from a friend… and you don’t want to appear rude towards him. If you see making changes as a big imposition to your friend … then it would be ok to go forward with what you have (altho you might then find yourself in another head-butting situation where you have to explain it all again to your FMIL). Future Mother-In-Law is family… so it is a tough trade off.
Post # 15
Here is the invitation design if it helps! We could just change it to say “We and our families ask you to be present” and I think it would be a good compromise. It wouldn’t be too hard to change it either. Although at this point I’m so annoyed with her that I kind of don’t want to make any changes at all!
Post # 16
@AugustBride2013: tell her that you’re sorry but you’ve ordered them to be printed already; let her know that the ceremony program will have all the names included.