FMIL wants nothing to do with lead up to wedding

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

anonbee000:  Well I’ve never heard of a mother or MIL being invited to the bachelorette, so you’re off the hook there. I don’t know what a kitchen tea is, but I’m assuming it’s some sort of bridal shower? If you don’t want her there, don’t invite her. If she already says she doesn’t care about your wedding and may or may not attend, I wouldn’t waste the energy on inviting her to anything else. She doesn’t sound like a very pleasant person.

Post # 3
Member
6749 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your MIL should not come to your bachelorette- even if you were on good terms. Send her an invitation to the other events, put it in her court.

Post # 4
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

anonbee000:  Sorry you are having to deal with this. If she’s flat out told you and your FI that she ‘wants nothing to do with’ your wedding except PROBABLY (what mother actually says something like ‘probably’ in regards to their own child’s wedding? Geez) show up on the wedding day, then I would take that at face value and not invite her to anything leading up to the wedding. 

Post # 5
Member
1618 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve never heard of a MIL being invited to a bachelorette party, so you’re good there. For the tea, I’m assuming that’s a sort of shower, hell no I wouldn’t invite her. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to. Honestly, I’d have a hard time inviting her to the actual wedding too since she seems to be hell bent on disliking you and your family. 

Post # 6
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Fall_In_Love22:  eeniebeans:  starfish0116:  Why all the FMIL hate? Where I am from (and where I suspect the OP is as well since she said she was having a kitchen tea) mums and MIL’s are invited to the bachelorette parties. Both of mine came. My MIL had a blast dancing with a twenty year old and my mother was one of the last ones home whilst a lot of the younger guests headed home much earlier. Why can’t they be invited? Shouldn’t it be the bbrides perogative to invite who she wants to the BP?

anonbee000: I would suggest talking to your mother in law if you can. Just let her know that given what she has already said about not being involved you were unsure about the invites. Also add int hat they will be held interstate and you don’t want to put added pressure on her to attend if she really would rather not. I would say she will just say no.

If you just don’t invite her then you will be giving her another weapon to use. “Anonbee is such a bitch, she invited everyone but me to her kitchen tea. See what I have to put up with!”

Post # 7
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would send the invitations and pray she doesn’t come. If you don’t invite her, it just gives her something else to complain about.

Post # 8
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

julies1949:  Yup! This.

anonbee000:  Safest option, no question. There’s probably no winning with her, but stay civil anyways. That way you know you’ve done everything you can and the grouchiness isn’t your fault.

Post # 9
Member
1618 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

j_jaye:  I’m not hating on all FMILs/MILs, where I’m from, nobody invites the FMIL to the bachelorette party. Once in a while the moms will come to dinner, then the younger crowed goes off to so whatever. In my circle of friends, just the bride’s mom will go to dinner with everybody, then head out. 

Post # 10
Member
290 posts
Helper bee

Mothers and mother in laws aren’t supposed to go to the bachelorette party anyway. I’m not sure what a kitchen tea is but I think the safest bet would be to call her yourself and ask her if you should bother sending an invite.

Post # 11
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

j_jaye:  There’s no hate here. In my circle, mothers or MILs are not invited to bachelorette parties. I don’t know anyone who has had their mother or MIL at theirs. It’s just not done in my area and circle. It’s usually all the girls getting wild and crazy – sex toy parties, clubbing, etc. I personally know my mom wouldn’t enjoy those things. If the OP’s mom would, by all means she is free to invite whomever she chooses. The OP has expressed in her post that her MIL wants nothing to do with her wedding, hates her parents, and she herself doesn’t want her to be invited. Therefor, I don’t think she should be obligated to invite her?

Post # 12
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

anonbee000:  She acts this way because she’s allowed to get away with it. At this point, she’s being nasty just for the hell of it so I wouldn’t really worry about making her upset by not sending an invite. I don’t play the whole “you get to demean my family and say horrible things but I still act fake nice” game.

If she mentioned not being invited, I would repeat her words back to her and end the discussion. But I recognize that I’m a lot more blunt than others.

Post # 14
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

I would send the invite.

It is selfish of her to attempt to dominate your thoughts with unkind words in the run-up to what should be the happiest moment in your and her son’s life.

She will be feeling usurped from her high position in his life and has chosen to display this, showing you that she is not happy with you taking over the most important role in her son’s life, which she previously held. She is mourning this in her own way. It may come across as selfish and rude, but it is her way and you cannot change that. You must not take on her problem, leave it at the gate, with her. 

If the behavior continues, she is having trouble adapting to the situation. Again, that is not your prob. Your FI has made his choice.

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