Post # 1
FMIL wants to host a day-after-wedding brunch in a small restaurant – for her family only. She said that I can invite my family, but she won’t be paying for them.
We are expecting well over 100 people and everyone is from OOT. I feel like if there is going to be a brunch, everyone should be invited. But the restaurant she wants to have brunch in is small and on the expensive side. Even if I could afford to pay for everyone, the restaurant wouldn’t fit everyone.
I know FI and I will be expected to go to this brunch regardless, but what about the rest of my OOT guests?
I just feel like this is a bad situation. What should I do about this?
Post # 3
Will there be other opportunities for you to spend time with OOT guests, either before the wedding or later in the day after the brunch? Generally I think OOT guests understand that you can’t be expected to entertain them the entire time they’re in town – that’s how I look at it when I travel for a wedding, anyway.
I guess it’s understandable that your FMIL can’t or doesn’t want to pay for everyone, especially if all the wedding guests are OOT-ers, though unfortunate that she won’t hold a less expensive brunch so more people can go. Because really if it’s the morning after the wedding, I’d think the most appropriate thing would be for immediate members of both families to be there, rather than just one side of the family. I don’t, however, think it’s improper to have a post-wedding brunch where not every guest is invited, even if they are all OOT-ers. You have everyone at the wedding – not everyone needs to be invited to the other activities if every guest is literally from OOT. It seems like that would just be too much. Those other activities are generally more intimate than the wedding and reception itself. Sometimes OOT guests are invited because there are just a few of them – but that’s not exactly your situation. But like I said, it would be nicer if it included at least your close family.
Post # 4
Well my immediate family is my mom and dad. My extended family is much larger. Also, FI’s parents are divorced. So there is his Dad’s side to consider as well.
Post # 5
if it were me, i would either… say that DH and i would not be going, or just have DH go without me (since my family is not invited and since i am part of my family, it make sme feel unwelcome).
if the guests were exclusively close guests… like parents and siblings and that’s it, then fine. but for it to bed just so one sided gives me a bad taste and i don’t like it.
Post # 6
Isn’t a wedding celebration a symbol of the joining of two families? I understand finances and budgets, but it seems odd to me that the day after the joining of your two families, his mother wants to do something for her family only. It would be different if it was just a casual “come by my house for brunch the day after Kelly’s wedding” type of thing (and even then I would expect that the bride’s parents would at least be invited), but to host a brunch at a restaurant for his extended family & not yours doesn’t seem to foster the feeling of two families coming together.
It also seems unfair to spend time with his family and not yours during your wedding weekend. I’d ask her to reconsider and at least have it at a larger place where your relatives can attend on their own dime if they feel so inclined.
Best of luck!
Post # 7
OK, so for me what I would do is ignore it and not go. I would tell everyone (including those invited) that a non-hosted breakfast at the hotel will be held at 10:00 and that you and the groom will be there to spend time with everyone.
Post # 8
I agree that FMIL can´t pay for everyone, but I´m wondering what the intention of this brunch was? Somehow I can´t get my head around only inviting one side of the family, when the whole event of a wedding is supposed to bring two families together.. or at least that´s how I see it.
I don´t know how your relationship with your FMIL is, but somehow it just feels mean to me.
Post # 9
I would want to spend time with MY OOT family and friends as well. If she wants to take this time to get together with just her side of the family at a place where mine could not be accomodated, I would not go. I know its my family now too, but if anyone had to choose between their own blood and their new in law family, I’m pretty sure most would stand by their own and she cannot fault you for not joining her brunch. Is she willing to plan a brunch at a less expensive and small venue? Perhaps non hosted for everyone? I dont understand why she would want to exclude people.
Post # 10
Like others, I don’t understand why she would have a brunch after the wedding if it’s only for her side. If that’s all she wants, then it’s not a post-WEDDING brunch, it’s a family get-together…for her side.
I would have a completely separate one, inviting everyone. Not a “hosted” one if you can’t afford it, but more of a casual breakfast for everyone. I don’t like the exclusivity of “hers.” I find it rude/odd.
Post # 11
once ur married the two families become one
Post # 12
FI’s mom and I get along OK. It’s not the most natural relationship but we don’t hate eachother. And she never said my family wasn’t invited, just that she wasn’t paying for them. But I’m sure FI’s dad’s side isn’t going to want to attend “her” brunch.
I just feel like, if FI and I don’t host something Sunday morning, the families are all going to do their own thing and FI and I will be expected to be in 3 places at once. But at the same time, I don’t WANT to host anything else, as FI and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves.
Post # 13
you know if its gets too silly just tell everyone you will be spending you first day as husband and wife in bed.
honestly families lol . its your first morning married do they really expect you to jump out of bed into a drama.
ley her hold her brunch, tell your family its happening and what the cost will be if they want to go they can but you REALLY DO NOT HAVE TO GO!!!!! unless you want to.
Post # 14
“You know, I’d love to be there, but I’ll be too busy boinking your son. Have fun at brunch!”
Post # 15
FI actually told her “don’t expect us to go, we’re going to do our own thing.” But I know she will expect us to go…
I think FI is more affected by this since his dad’s side definitely won’t be extended an invitation.
Post # 16
These day after brunch things are relatively new anyway, so I can see her inviting just her family to spend a little more time with them before they leave. If she thought about it and decided to invite everyone that was at the wedding, it could quickly get out of hand financially. Most people really won’t be expecting anything more after the wedding itself and will just head home,maybe eating on the way.
Many B&G’s leave for their honeymoons the next morning bright and early, so unless you’ll be around, there is no real reason to host anything else. Go into hiding if you’re leaving later, and let everyone worry about themselves.