(Closed) FMIL wants to host day after brunch… for her family only

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Will there be other opportunities for you to spend time with OOT guests, either before the wedding or later in the day after the brunch?  Generally I think OOT guests understand that you can’t be expected to entertain them the entire time they’re in town – that’s how I look at it when I travel for a wedding, anyway.

I guess it’s understandable that your FMIL can’t or doesn’t want to pay for everyone, especially if all the wedding guests are OOT-ers, though unfortunate that she won’t hold a less expensive brunch so more people can go.  Because really if it’s the morning after the wedding, I’d think the most appropriate thing would be for immediate members of both families to be there, rather than just one side of the family.  I don’t, however, think it’s improper to have a post-wedding brunch where not every guest is invited, even if they are all OOT-ers.  You have everyone at the wedding – not everyone needs to be invited to the other activities if every guest is literally from OOT.  It seems like that would just be too much.  Those other activities are generally more intimate than the wedding and reception itself.  Sometimes OOT guests are invited because there are just a few of them – but that’s not exactly your situation.  But like I said, it would be nicer if it included at least your close family.

Post # 5
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

if it were me, i would either… say that DH and i would not be going, or just have DH go without me (since my family is not invited and since i am part of my family, it make sme feel unwelcome).

if the guests were exclusively close guests… like parents and siblings and that’s it, then fine. but for it to bed just so one sided gives me a bad taste and i don’t like it.

Post # 6
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Isn’t a wedding celebration a symbol of the joining of two families? I understand finances and budgets, but it seems odd to me that the day after the joining of your two families, his mother wants to do something for her family only. It would be different if it was just a casual “come by my house for brunch the day after Kelly’s wedding” type of thing (and even then I would expect that the bride’s parents would at least be invited), but to host a brunch at a restaurant for his extended family & not yours doesn’t seem to foster the feeling of two families coming together.

It also seems unfair to spend time with his family and not yours during your wedding weekend. I’d ask her to reconsider and at least have it at a larger place where your relatives can attend on their own dime if they feel so inclined.

Best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

OK, so for me what I would do is ignore it and not go.  I would tell everyone (including those invited) that a non-hosted breakfast at the hotel will be held at 10:00 and that you and the groom will be there to spend time with everyone.

Post # 8
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree that FMIL can´t pay for everyone, but I´m wondering what the intention of this brunch was? Somehow I can´t get my head around only inviting one side of the family, when the whole event of a wedding is supposed to bring two families together.. or at least that´s how I see it.

I don´t know how your relationship with your FMIL is, but somehow it just feels mean to me. 

Post # 9
Member
14316 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would want to spend time with MY OOT family and friends as well.  If she wants to take this time to get together with just her side of the family at a place where mine could not be accomodated, I would not go.  I know its my family now too, but if anyone had to choose between their own blood and their new in law family, I’m pretty sure most would stand by their own and she cannot fault you for not joining her brunch.  Is she willing to plan a brunch at a less expensive and small venue?  Perhaps non hosted for everyone?  I dont understand why she would want to exclude people.

Post # 10
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Like others, I don’t understand why she would have a brunch after the wedding if it’s only for her side. If that’s all she wants, then it’s not a post-WEDDING brunch, it’s a family get-together…for her side.

I would have a completely separate one, inviting everyone. Not a “hosted” one if you can’t afford it, but more of a casual breakfast for everyone. I don’t like the exclusivity of “hers.” I find it rude/odd.

Post # 11
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

once ur married the two families become one 

Post # 13
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

you know if its gets too silly just tell everyone you will be spending you first day as husband and wife in bed.

 

honestly families lol . its your first morning married do they really expect you to jump out of bed into a drama. 

ley her hold her brunch, tell your family its happening and what the cost will be if they want to go they can but you REALLY DO NOT HAVE TO GO!!!!! unless you want to.

 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

@LauraBenbow71:  lol

“You know, I’d love to be there, but I’ll be too busy boinking your son.  Have fun at brunch!”

Post # 16
Member
5756 posts
Bee Keeper

These day after brunch things are relatively new anyway, so I can see her inviting just her family to spend a little more time with them before they leave. If she thought about it and decided to invite everyone that was at the wedding, it could quickly get out of hand financially. Most people really won’t be expecting anything more after the wedding itself and will just head home,maybe eating on the way.

Many B&G’s leave for their honeymoons the next morning bright and early, so unless you’ll be around, there is no real reason to host anything else. Go into hiding if you’re leaving later, and let everyone worry about themselves.

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