FMIL wants to match my mom

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Does she mean style of dress or color? 

Post # 4
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Lbward6:  …I think the focus shouldn’t be on “matching” but maybe coordinating?  Honestly, she can wear whatever she wants, so the fact that she’s even seeking your input is terribly considerate….and also a little sweet.  Maybe she and your mom can both be in the same color, but different styles?  Or maybe the same style, but a different color?  This doesn’t have to turn into a negative experience if you don’t let it…it could be kind of fun!

Post # 5
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve heard of them coordinating but not matching. Maybe suggest matching colors and getting different styles or same style different colors?

Post # 6
7405 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my colors were navy and lilac.  BMs wore Navy dresses. my mom found a sparkly navy dress.  MIL also wore a sparkly navy dress but a different style.  both moms looked amazing.




Post # 7
4604 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Lbward6:   Would it be possible to be direct, and tell her both you and your mother would be upset if they dressed alike?  The mothers’ attire can be complementary, but certainly not matchy matchy.  No way.


Post # 8
8587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Matching colors wouldn’t be too horrible, but the same exact attire would be very odd.

Honestly, I would just show her a picture of something and say “my mom is wearing this”… and if she asks at the wedding.. just tell her your mom changed her mind.

Post # 9
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The typical “rules” for MOB/MOG at weddings;

MOB picks out dress first and shows MOG.  MOG matches the MOB in length and formality (If MOB is floor length evening dress, MOG wears floor length evening, if MOB is cocktail dress, MOG wears contact dress, ect)  The MOG also tries not to clash, but matching isn’t necessary (nor really wanted)  Matching wedding color isn’t necessary, but can look very nice.

My mom and FMIL were very much into this rule.  My mom still tells how my grandma and the MOG wore the same dress and different colors to my aunt’s wedding.  They had a giggle about it, but it something she would prefer to avoid.

Post # 10
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think your FMIL wants the match your mother. “She has seen my mother’s dress and keeps trying to get something similar which I do not want”

This does not mean she wants to match, it means she wants to coordinate and to have a cohesive look. I see nothing wrong with that, your mother should be flattered.



Post # 12
4432 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If it bothers you that much, the do what PPs said and try to help her coordinate with your mom, but not match. At my cousin’s wedding in June, my aunt (her mom) and her MIL wore the same style of dress but in different colors (both had lacy knee-length dresses, one in coral and one ina  beautfiul blue). It actually looked very nice and set them apart as the Moms.

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