Post # 1
My mom got her dress for my wedding like 4 months ago. My FMIL has known what color she is wearing for months. Back in May my FMIL mentioned to my mom that she thought she might wear the same color too (chocolate brown). FMIL asked my opinion on what color to wear. I told her a deep teal – she loves turquoise and it’s beautiful on her.
Fast forward to 2 months before our wedding. FMIL hasn’t been looking for dresses as long as my mom, but ordered a few from Nordstroms. What color are they? Chocolate brown. I asked her about other colors she might wear and she said she’s still holding out for a dark teal dress.
My mom IS the type of person that would be upset if FMIL wore the same color. FMIL and entire future fam is not exactly up to speed on wedding etiquette/don’t think things like wearing the same color as the MOB is a big deal. I can’t put my FI or any FSIL up to telling her b/c she will know it came from me.
I haven’t told my mom yet. Ugh this is the LAST thing I want to be dealing with.
What should I do?
Post # 3
I would say something to FMIL. Is your mom’s dress returnable if FMIL refuses to change colors? I would give your mom a heads up about the situation also.
Post # 4
I guess I don’t think that wearing the same color should be such a big deal. Do you really care? If not, maybe you can just sit down with your mom and say that your FMIL is looking for a teal dress but she’s mostly found ones in brown so far that look good on her. Can she really be thaaaat angry about it? Just an opinion!
Post # 5
the mom’s are suppost to compliment the bridal party and each other. imagine them both standing in a picture together. they both want to equal stand out that night.
Post # 6
Ugh, you’re right, the last thing you need to deal with is mom dress drama! I think if I were in your situation, I’d gently remind your FMIL that your mom’s dress is chocolate brown and that it would really mean a lot to you (and her) if she didn’t chose the same color. You could even say something about how you would like them in different colors because it will photograph better, or something, if you think it will help. Reiterate how great she looks in teal/turquoise and offer to help her look for something in that color.
If this doesn’t work and she still seems to have her heart set on wearing chocolate brown, then I’d mention it to your mom. If she will get upset by this and there’s no way to avoid it, you’ll want to give her a heads-up sooner rather than later.
Post # 7
I could honestly care less what the heck they wear!!
I am more concerned that my mom will be annoyed at FMIL for picking the same color as her since she knew all along what my mom was wearing and deciced to “wait til July or August” to look for a dress. All their dresses are returnable (Nordstrom types).
Also NB: FMIL would not be like “oh golly gee I forgot.” I mean she already knows my mom is wearing brown and apparently doesn’t think it’s a big deal.
Post # 8
Have your fiance say something to FMIL. That’s our protocol for any ‘bad news’ or ‘uncomfortable discussion’.
Post # 9
Can you do some online shopping and send your fmil links to things you like? I would also give your mom a heads up so that she can change if she thinks it’s that important. Our moms are wearing similar colors and it doesn’t bother any of us.
Post # 10
LOL I have sent her links to other dresses – no word yet on her success! I was hoping that between the time she told me this (a few wks ago) and now she would have found something else so I wouldn’t need to get involved.
Can’t have FI say anything to her – it would be WAAAAY to obvious I put him up to it. Way.
Post # 11
Hmm, if FI can’t say anything and she doesn’t seem to mind wearing brown when your mom is already wearing brown, consider making a comment disguised as a joke. Like, “I didn’t suggest Brown on purpose because I want people to be able to tell you two apart!” or “I don’t want guests to be confused about which one my Mom is!”
And if she still doesn’t get it have a mini heart-to-heart and tell her that your mom would never say anything, but you think she might be upset. If both of those strategies don’t work, tell your mom ASAP so she can consider wearing something else if it really bothers her that much. I doubt it will come down to that though.
Post # 12
If your mom is traditional (like my mom!) she will likely be really upset about this. I would talk to your FMIL or have your fiance do it. Some people just aren’t aware of the etiquette especially if they’ve never done it before. You might want to find some “proof” to back up the etiquette claim. For example, when I first started planning my wedding, my fiance printed out the “MOG guide” from The Knot and gave it to his mom. She honestly didn’t have any idea about half the stuff due to lack of experience.
Post # 13
Perhaps FMIL wants to wear the same color so as to not stand out too much? Or maybe she actually thinks it would match better that way? People always have such differing ideas on what’s right or best to do, and I definitely don’t think she has mal-intent. If your mom really truly would be offended, I would warn her in advance, but maybe talk to her about it and try t convince her it’s not too big of a deal? if it is a huge deal, I would have your mom talk to FMIL about it herself (if they’re in contact.) Otherwise, I guess you could explain your mom’s feelings and see if that will help FMIL change her color.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
It’s a big deal? Oops, I didn’t know. 🙂 I kind of hoped they would get the same color.
Post # 15
I thought there’s actually a tradition for the 2 mothers to coordinate colors of their clothing. Maybe you should ask your mom if it’s kewl with her. Hopefully, your mom won’t care. Avoid giving her the impression that FMIL purposely chose to upstage her but rather just coincidentally chose a similar color and figured that 1) it would actually be nice to be coordinated or 2) not a big deal.
Post # 16
It’s up to the MOB to let the MOG know what she’s wearing so they will not clash. Other than that, they are grownups and can pick their own outfits. I like the idea of similar color, not the same dress, but if your mom doesn’t, just tell her this is how it’s going and ask her if it’s a big deal. If she wants to go there, let her do it on her own.