- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
Ok, I need some input as to whether I am being unreasonable or not. Our wedding is in 8 weeks, and we are finalizing all the details. Me and my fiance have been on a very tight budget, and both of our parents have helped us with the wedding, which we greatly appreciate and have told them so several times. We had decided for the rehearsal dinner we wanted it to be a casual event, with just parents, his grandparents (mine are all deceased), siblings, and wedding party and dates. Well, last week when I sent FMIL an email asking for the name of the place where she had decided to have the rehearsal dinner, she sent back an EXTREMELY long email full of detailed questions/suggestions regarding the wedding…. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible:
First thing she mentioned in the email was how she thinks once we invite everyone we should be up to about 50 people (including aunts, uncles, even distant cousins). She also had an outlined schedule of the dinner (what time cocktail hour is, toasts, etc.). Now, I realize she is very traditional when it comes to this stuff, but me and fiance had already expressed our wishes to keep dinner casual to her. Well, when my fiance called her and mentioned it again, she FLIPPED, saying it just wasn’t going to be that way, she was paying, and she was in charge of how it was going to be. Well, in the end, we gave in and I decided it was best to just let FMIL be in charge of the rehearsal dinner to avoid any more confrontation. Or so I thought…
We had also decided not to have wedding favors b/c of our tight budget. Now I know it’s tradition to have favors, but I really don’t think anyone would notice or care if there were not any favors. Well, FMIL had a little fit about this as well, saying it was rude to not have a little gift for guests at the wedding, and proceeded to say what all we should do as far as favors (she thinks we should do chocolate chip cookies b/c they are her sons favorite).
Another thing we decided to do to cut some costs was to have a cash bar. Trust me…no one would care about having to pay to have a couple drinks. On our wedding website I put that there would be a non-hosted bar so the guests would know ahead of time. Well, after freaking out about a couple of things already on the phone, FMIL says she just doesn’t like how that was worded and we just need to have a hosted bar.
FIL’s are willing to pay for everything…that is not the problem. The problem is that with paying for everything, FMIL thinks she gets to help decide everything. I know for the most part she is just trying to help, but one of the main things she freaked out about on the phone was that she just doesn’t feel respected because we are not sharing details with her. Thing is, WE DO! We have told her everything there is to tell about the wedding… and every time we do tell her something or fill her in, she has a rebuttal or suggestion of something better or how we should do it different. For example, last night me and fiance decided on centerpieces for the most part. After texting a pic to FMIL (to include her and avoid more outbursts), she proceeds to ask how we are going to incorporate our wedding color better on the tables.
I’m sorry for the super long post, and I hope it made sense for the most part. I just had to get this off my chest. I feel as if I am being made out to be the bad person in this situation because I want me and fiance to decide on things, and I think what we decide should be the final word, and FMIL think otherwise. Please tell me I am not crazy. Ugh.