- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Okay, so to start off I truly do love my future in-laws (I know I’m a lucky girl). However, as with all things when it comes to weddings there are topics which we disagree on.
He is the second oldest (late 20’s) of four and the only boy. I am the oldest of two girls (early 20’s). His family sans his older sister – who is my maid of honor- is very much ‘traditional’ in the catholic sense of the word. We are paying for our own wedding, as we didn’t want the strings attached that come with parents paying.
We are not getting married in a church – this was alright by his mother (and mine who was seriously considering becoming a nun) as they all knew neither of us are practicing catholics.
We are not concerned at all with having a “mass” wedding.
The first venue that I found that I loved was an old converted church, turned art gallery, turned event venue. Gorgeous. Unfortunately we have to move on because by the time we were ready for it someone else had reserved our date (the only thing my future hubby and I said we will NOT change) But while we were looking at it his mom brought up that one of the guests attending is confined to wheelchair and the place (which I loved) did not have wheel chair access.
The second venue, which the MOH found, was perfect a bit over budget but perfect all things considered. Wheelchair access to the main ballroom (where the ceremony and reception and lounge will be) but not to the bar/buffet line room. When talking about this venue it was as if she expected us to can the idea of this place because it didn’t have full wheelchair access. I know this sounds harsh but I don’t want to give up this venue just because the guest wouldn’t be able to get to the buffet line or booze. Someone can get her a plate and or a beverage. Is this harsh or understandable of me? I just don’t like the idea of giving up a great venue because of one guest.
The next thing is we were wanting to keep our guest list to about 100 just inviting close friends and family on both sides. Well thats not ‘proper etiqutte’ as pointed out by the FMIL which is true. And understandable. So we invited family members that both of us either don’t know, dont like, or never talk to which only brought our list up to 120. We just didn’t want a bunch of faces in the crowd we didn’t recognize much less pay for their dinner. Then the FMIL and FFIL mentioned that they would also like to invite some of their friends and business coworkers. This will up our list of people by about 10-20, they did however offer to pay for the catering cost of those extra people.
The next thing is I completed our wedding website with my fiance a shortly after the engagement and posted in on facebook for friends and family to see. I added the URL to our save the dates which went out a couple of days ago. my FMIL took a look at it and for the most part likes it (I added like EVERYTHING one would need to know) including the registry. We have been together for over 5 years now and don’t need stuff. So we decided to go the new age route of honeymoon fund and house fund. I got a call today about how the registry is going to alienate the older generation guests and how its poor etiquette to ask for cash. As well as a comparison of it coming across like a childs christmas wish list. And suggesting that I might go online and read about registry etiqutte and ask my family members what they think about it.
I think it’s fine, a little miffed at how she made her point, I nicely told her I’d consider rewording it or looking into changing it. She went on about it for a good 5-10 minutes. I just conveyed to her that we didn’t need stuff, and didn’t want people to waste money on stuff we’d probably return to the store afterwards.
We didn’t put anything about wanting gifts or money on the save the dates or invites at all. Its not even listed on the website unless you specificly click on the registry page. I can understand that it may make older generations feel a little uncomfortable but most of our guests are younger than 50 and avid facebookers and ebayers and will appreciate the ease of a cash gift or online gifting.
I need opinions on what to do?
I have since revamped the wording a bit to hopefully take care of some of the offense from the generation gap. I temporarily removed the registry page from the site, and looking into traditions from my moms side of the family, Vietnamese, Red Envelopes or cash gifts are considered traditional and expected and included an explanation of this as well in a nice poem explaning our registry.