Post # 1
My Fiance and I got engaged Christmas 2008 and are getting married July 3rd. I asked for a finalized guest list from my Future Mother-In-Law in October or early November. She was supposed to give it to me when I saw her on Christmas (2009). She said that she forgot it at home – no big deal.
Now it’s February and I still don’t have the list! What do I do?!? I called her three times in January about it and my Fiance has talked to her probably 5 times (if not more). She always commits to sending it, but we still don’t have it. About two weeks ago she said she mailed it, but it still hasn’t arrived (we live in the same state, so it shouldn’t take that long to arrive). My Fiance and I basically created a list of all his relatives that he thought we should invite, and I tried to find as many addresses as I could (online), but I’m stuck now.
My Fiance told his mother that I would be sending out our STD on Wed Jan 27th whether or not we had the list. He has tried getting her to just give us the information over the phone as well. In addition I send her the list we came up with via e-mail asking for any changes and the addresses for a few people (like 5 families and any other close family friends she wanted to add). Apparently she doesn’t use the computer and my Future Father-In-Law had to print the document to give it to her…
Finally the 27th came around and I sent out all the Save-The-Date Cards for the people I had addresses for (including one to her!) I thought that she would maybe give us a call once she got it in the mail, but she hasn’t. My poor Fiance is so tired of dealing with this (but she hasn’t responded to me either). I don’t know what to do. We can’t exclude these people because they are close relatives. Should we go around her and talk to my Fiance grandmother to try to get these addresses? I’m at a loss…
Post # 3
I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I would talk to FI’s grandmother and get the addresses. I would imagine that she will have all the information you need, The only other option is to drive to FMiL and physically get the list form her, I am doubting that she even has one though.
Post # 4
Are these addresses for people your Fiance wants at the wedding or just your FMIL? If it’s your Fiance, I’d have him start going to other family members to help with the addresses. If it’s just your Future Mother-In-Law, be blunt one more time (or better yet, have Fiance do this) – tell her you absolutely have to have the addresses by XX date otherwise you have to pull these people off your list and then don’t stress about it any more. We did ths with my Future Mother-In-Law… she’s gotten us some addresses but not all… those that we have are invited.
Post # 5
They are people that aunts, uncles, etc. that should be invited to the wedding. I would hate for them not to be invited because of her procrastination.
We had issues at the beginning of planning process because her first question was “How many hundred guests?” And we wanted 75 guests. Well it’s grown a bit to about 100-110 guests (including the people that we need addresses for). I’m worried she basically is still upset that the guest list has to be so small. We gave her a specific number of guests (including family) that could be invited.
Our ideas of the wedding are completely opposite – she wanted to prepare the food herself (and with family) for the hundreds of guests and have it in a town hall and a million kids running around, tons of balloon decorations, etc. The wedding WE are planning has more of a modern feel, no kids under 12, held at a banquet facility with catering, etc. Basically my Fiance and I don’t agree with him mother on anything, so we haven’t included her much in the wedding planning.
I will have my Fiance work on getting the addresses from other family members. Thanks for the suggestions!