Post # 1
When my FI and I started dating I absolutley loved his family. They were great. Flexible, caring, fun etc. As soon as FI begain talking to his parents about asking me to marry him all sorts of shit hit the fan. How will he pay for a ring, you can’t use the inheritance money for that it — it was to be for your future (actually said, is a fmaily not a good future???) THHHEEENNN we started planing and his mother had a commetn about everything. And by comment I mean, “why are you using them, chosing this color, having your reception there when x,y,z is so much better. (actuality not the style of FI or me at all.) She has turned into monster in law.
Just wondering how many FMIL did a complete 180 opposite of how they acted when you were still just dating their son.
Post # 4
I find families are hard in general, and I’ve noticed that surounding the wedding everyone goes crazy! My mom is not happy we’re having it outside, his mom is appalled that we are having homemade wine, his dad wants to invite everyone under the sun, my sister (MOH) doesn’t like any of the food choices. . .
Just try to tell yourself that it is your day and avoid talking to them about your choices as much as possible (unless they are paying. . .then it gets trickier). I had issues with my fiance’s dad post engagement but I think it is mostly because he is stressed about the big step we’re taking (his parents are divorced). If it gets worse, maybe the best thing to do is to sit down and have a chat with them, or if that’s too uncomfortable, have your fiance do it?
Good luck! I hope they turn back into the family you love!
Post # 5
Luckily my mil is very sweet and stays out of our business… but I’ve seen other threads recently on this very topic so I know you’re not alone by any means!
Post # 6
“future monster in law” lol! sorry u have to go through this! mine hasn’t been crazy at all except for the time she suggested that i only invite like 20 of my own friends in order to have my number be more balanced with FI’s list. i have 6 bridesmaids. yeah…not going to work.
anyways, don’t let her bully you- good luck!
Post # 7
Mine is a future “monster in law” that is passive aggressive and her comments drive me nuts but I know it’s her way to get under my skin so I totally ignore it.
She is cheap, traditional Catholic. Who doesn’t realize quality and cheap are two different things. And I am the total opposite..so here goes a fun two years 😀
So..I don’t wanna start cuz I would write a novel and well, it’s only the beginning.
Just smile, brush it off your shoulder. and do what you want. It is your wedding and you are the one going to have to live with it so it you aren’t happy…than what’s the point?
Post # 8
@floridabeach are we dealing with the same FMMIL (future monster mother in law)?! Cheap and catholic is right. She wouldnt be ahppy unless we were in a church basement, eating white bread squares and moscoccoli (sorry can’t spell!) for the reception!
Quaility and cheap are def two different things
I should prob have added that FI parents are now just “popping in” to our new home. The call first but then show up 2 hours earlier than expected……grrrr
Post # 9
I have been my FI for a long time (almost 10yrs) and i got along great with his family. But now I think either I am overly sensitive or they are crazy. it’s amazing how many opinions they have about the wedding and I’m thinking “save the opinions for your daughter’s wedding” I think it could be me being sensitive. I think everyone goes a little nutso with weddings tho
Post # 10
Ugh I hope this doesn’t happen for me. I’ve only met my FMIL once (she lives many states away) but she was perfectly nice. Hopefully after we’re engaged she doesn’t go all crazy on me!
Post # 11
Whoa, @floridabeachbride and stlgingko, please straighten me out here. Are you stereotyping traditional Catholics as cheap? If so I take major offense to that.
I’ve known plenty of Catholics, and cheap is not even on the radar. In fact in some of the Catholic families I know, were typically pretty poor, but still managed to know how to pull off a classy wedding.
Post # 12
I should have phrased things differently. Instead of combining “cheap and Catholic” together, I should have mentioned that my entire fmaily is Catholic and my FMIL is no different. She is very traditional in her thoughts of what our reception and ceremony should be. It is a traditional/sterotypical for my area Catholic reception and ceremony.
Separatley she is cheap. I am fine with cheap as long as it still pulls off a classy feel that my FI and I are aiming for.
Post # 13
Mine is my FI’s step-mom. My FMIL is awesome but the step-FMIL became the monster out of no where. Oh well. I have been taking it in strides and totally ignoring her because my FI says he doesn’t care what she thinks.
Post # 14
I fully expect it to happen.
Granted, when we first got together, there was some flip-out because I was black, but I think they got over that.
Then we went to buy a house. What does she say? “I didn’t raise you that way!”. Um? So *I* was raised “that way”, whatever “that way” is? I don’t see anything terribly wrong with being raised “that way”…
Perhaps one of the reasons we haven’t gone to move forward is because deep down we know his mom and sister will pull out some crazy… So I guess it’s not a total 180, just true colors being shown.
Post # 15
I don’t know about the “cheap” thing, but my FMIL is the exact opposite or cheap and still hates everything we do… I’m a DIY kind of gal, and my FMIL can’t sew on a button, so all of the DIY projects I have planned are being frowned upon.
After some discussion with FI about why FMIL hates all of our plans and is so snarky about a lot of things, we kind of came to the conclusion that she’s had this wedding planned for years, and I’m really just supposed to be filling a role.
BTW- When we went through their guest list, I could have kicked myself for not having a video camera to record the fit (literally!) that she threw when we didn’t want to invite people we didn’t know. You girls would have LOVED it.
FI advice to me, and my advice to you, is take people’s opinions politely, and then make plans the way you want anyway. When they have a fit, be sympathetic (it’ll drive them crazy), and then just say that you really feel like your choice suits the two of you. And be prepared with a bottle of wine, and thoughts of that giddy holy-crap-we’re-getting-married feeling to occasionally make you forget hurtful words :).
Post # 16
Thanks for the clarification, stlginkgo.
@surkim Was she sticking her nose up at the house itself? Was the house you were looking at not good enough for her?