FMIL…feels like wedding is becoming her show

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

First mistake was giving in on her guests when you wanted close friends and family. That sucks. I think you have to suck it up and deal with the shower. I don’t have any advice except put your foot down on the next issues that come up ….

Post # 4
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Can you explain how this got to be the situation in the first place?  Is she paying for the wedding, or are you?

My advice would be to get on top of your fiance and make it his issue too.  HE needs to be the one to talk to his mom to put a stop to all this. Though this should have been done before any type of invitation went out.

Post # 6
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

I would simply explain it like…sorry FMIL, I would like to speak with you about how much my wedding has drifted away from my original dream. I would offer to maybe throw a big party before/after the wedding where she can invite everyone she wants to. But if I was your parents, I would be pissed.

Post # 7
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@katesmith86:  Have the invitations gone out yet? If not, nix her friends.

IMHO, you’ve got to get your fiance on board. Let him know that you’re feeling it’s becoming more her wedding than yours and how disappointed you are. He needs to talk to her and straighten this out.

Post # 8
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

But I would just go along with the shower. It is already done. But stop including her in the planning at all. And definitely get your FI involved!

Post # 9
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’re giving her too much control.

FMIL would have done the same thing (and tried) but we told her “Sorry, we can’t invite all these people, trim your list down.” She protested, we persisted.

I would have been perfectly fine NOT sending out her invites if she had kept as many people as she did originally – this is my wedding on my dime.

She sent out shower invites, so it sounds like you’re stuck. Stop resenting and learn to say “no” in the future.

And get your fiance on your side when you do, otherwise you will just look like the villian. Without his support your concerns about his parents are not worth puttin on the table – it will cause fights.

Post # 10
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

As hard as it might be; you need to confront her.

I am now experiencing how overbearing my FMIL is becoming and have decided to put a stop to it from now on.

She invited herself and her sisters to my BACHELORETTE PARTY! Seriously? I’m so excited to have my MIL at my bachelorette party. I should have said no from the very begining. It’s hard to say no to someone who would ask such a thing. But unfortunately I’m being walked all over by his family. I was this close to calling the whole thing off.

You need to talk to her and put your foot down. Unless she is paying for this wedding, she has to ASK you if she can invite her friends.

How your interactions are now will set the tone for the rest of your marriage.

Post # 11
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Girl, you better nip this in the  bud (butt??) ASAP!!!  This is just a mild indication of what your married LIFE is going to be once you’re family.  As much as you need to put your foot down, so does your fiance.  He needs to understand that from this point out, YOU ARE NUMBER ONE, this is YOUR wedding, and what you say GOES, end of story.  Not to say he needs to push his mom to the wayside, but you two should be calling the shots, not her. 

Be aggressive, B-E AGGRESSIVE!!!!   

Post # 12
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@katesmith86:  your fiance needs to have a talk with his mother. It doesn’t matter whether or not he sees a problem, you are not happy with her actions and he needs to take that seriously.

I’m a terrible person, but I’d probably be a no show to a shower or any other event that was being thrown against my will. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Definitely need to put a stop to it!  If she’s not paying, she doesn’t get to invite all her friends.  I think you’re stuck with the shower, but you should have a talk with your FMIL.  I would say something like this, “I really appreciate how helpful you’ve been with planning the wedding, and it’s wonderful to know how much you support our marriage, but I feel that the wedding is getting too far from what FI and I originally planned.  I think we need to take a step back, and FI and I need to do more of the planning ourselves so that the day represents us as a couple.”

If you let her take the reins now, she might keep doing it her whole life!

Post # 14
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@nightborn:  LOL I was thinking the saaame thing.  That’s not above me at all haha!

Post # 15
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Artificial-Sweetener:  WTW!!

Can you “cancel” your Bach party and then go out with just your friends??

Post # 16
Member
3934 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@nightborn:   +1  on this.  And I would also blow off the shower, telling FMIL well in advance that you did not want showers and will not attend any, given by anyone.

OP, you need to make decisions, relay your wishes to other people, and stand your ground.    Please see wedding planning as a life lesson.  🙂  

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