- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I constantly see MIL venting posts but I think I may be the only person that has father control issues. I really didn’t expect him to go father-of-the-bridezilla but oh Lordy was I wrong.
As a bit of a backstory ever since my brother and I were little my parents told us they would gift us both X dollars when we got married to be used however we wanted, to pay for the wedding or keep they didn’t care. So when my brother got married they didn’t want much say but felt left out when no one even asked their opinions or to go with to dress shopping or anything else. So now it is my turn and I expected my mom to be involved every step of the way but not so much my father.
when we first got engaged they stressed how they didn’t want to step on our toes and wanted us to have the day of our dreams. so two weeks later we announced we wanted to do a destination cruise wedding with a very small group going with and a reception after. Oh goodness did the fit hit the shan. He stormed around the room throwing a temper tantrum like a 5yr old. He wouldn’t pay for us to do that, how dare we even think of doing something so hard and costly for everyone. He straight out refused to go if we had a destination wedding. Off we went three hours later with me in tears and my FI glaring at my father. But to keep the peace and because he who pays has a say, we decided life would be easier to just have a local wedding.
As the FIL live across the country my parents haven’t had the pleasure of meetings them yet. And of course dear old dad is insisting they are horrible parents because they aren’t contributing to the wedding (we didn’t ask, we are adults and will not beg for money) and haven’t made a special trip to visit because we got engaged. They are busy people and his younger sisters are still in highschool. We talk on the phone quite often and FMIL is a lovely amazing woman and is stamping the STD’s, invites, and thank-you’s. dad still feels this isn’t enough and would like to have a Skype date or group phone call between my grandmother, my parents, my FI and me and his parents. The only reason I have been avoiding this is he expressed many times how he would like to call them out for not helping with funding the wedding. I have tried talking to him as an adult calmly countless times trying to get him to drop this but he refuses.
and now when I told my parents they could invite 50people to the wedding he threw a fit. He got to invite double that to my brothers. However my FI and I want a smaller wedding. As his family doesn’t have that many coming, living across country and whatnot, I graciously upped his invite allowance to 75. When they gave me the list so I could mail invites it was 120 people! Excuse was “we marked who came to brother’s wedding and that count is 75” Ugh! Unfortunately 100 of that count is family.
I am not sure what to do anymore. Every idea we have for the wedding I have to run by my father but then later he says he isn’t telling me what to do and is staying out of my wedding. I may not be able to have friends at the wedding due to his insistence everyone on his list has to get an invite. I can’t not talk to my mom about my wedding and she can’t leave him out. I am about to tear my hair out trying to deal with him.
JUST READY TO ELOPE ALREADY (With almost a year to the wedding)