Post # 1
Fiance and I are taking our Focuss test tonight and I’m a little freaked out! I mean, Fiance and I have talked about soo many things, but I feel like I’m back in school and if we don’t get a good enough grade we can’t get married. Any words of advise?? What sort of questions are on it?
Post # 3
oh that thing was a load of crap, don’t worry.
the questions were worded HORRIBLY. you’ll see tonight- there are all of these sentences with double negatives in them. the statement was something like- “i believe that my partner does not think that i do enough work around the house”, then you give a yes or no answer. just confusing. you constantly have to second-guess yourself. i almost ended up giving an answer saying that my fiance is a drug addict or something!
then there are questions that NEED a “not applicable” answer- but they don’t have one. things like that are where my fiance and i got opposite answers.
ex: the question was something like “i understand that i have to forgive my parents for past hurts” answers: yes, no, unsure.
for me it was like- what past hurts? my parents have never been anything but loving and supportive. YES, i UNDERSTAND that if i had past hurts i need to forgive them- but i don’t- so what do i put?
ughhh sorry for the rant.
i just had big issues with pre-cana in general and thought the focus exam was the biggest waste of time ever.
but good luck 🙂
hope it goes better for you.
Post # 4
the questions are worded pretty terribly, but it made for a good laugh when talking about it with our priest afterwards!! definitely don’t worry about it too much. we were told that the church would never prevent us from getting married, no matter what our results were, but if they were completely off they might suggest more counseling first.
Post # 5
I agree with PP – some of the questions were not worded very well. Darling Husband and I actually had a couple “issues” arise where our answers differed because we interpreted the question differently!
You don’t fail – just any areas where your answers differ, they’ll bring it up to talk about. It was kind of a waste of time for us, as we had talked about all the issues during our years together, but I guess it was reaffirming that we WERE as compatible/prepared as we had thought.
Post # 6
agreed questions are worded terribly! double negatives very common. Also the my spouse thinks this about me, or vice versa. However – I was amazed when we took it what came out (that being said we had talked about alot of these things that came out). What I wasn’t prepared for was the 2.5 hour meeting about the results – mind you we only had about 12 things where the answers were different (not unexpectedly) but have a chatty pastroal assistant (he was my RCIA instructor and we have a close relationship as well). The test itself is nothing to freak out about – if some red flags come up they won’t tell you you can’t get married but you will need to discuss them. It’s really just a way of trying to avoid divorce and make sure you understand and are taking the whole thing seriously. – If you are worried about the survey, I’m SURE that you are taking it seriously.
Post # 7
So, turns out the test was nothing! We went in to talk to the priest, we talked for about 20 minutes and then he gave us the test and said he trusts us enough to take the test at home. He said to do it anytime this week and we can just drop it off at the rectory! We did end up taking it last night though when we got to my house.
Post # 8
@Fall_In_Love22: That’s great! Your priest sounds like a nice guy 🙂
Our priest asked us the questions in his office. Some questions were really confusing so Fr explained them out further. Fr has been really helpful to us throughout the process.
Post # 9
@Fall_In_Love22: My Fiance & I just took it this Friday.. our appt was at 10am & by 1:30pm we were given the test. I was so hungry I couldn’t even think straight while reading them. At one point, I even realized I bubbled a whole column in the wrong #s. Our priest put us in 2 different rooms too… you are so lucky that you got to take them home 🙂
How did the results go? Hope it goes well. I’m nervous about mine. I hated all the questions so many negatives and they were pretty tricky. My Fiance is excited about the test results & I just want to get it over with! I don’t like opening up to someone I don’t really know. I know I am supposed to trust the priest but I hate having flaws magnified. I think that is a flaw in itself. Lol
Post # 10
For any future brides who read this DO NOT WORRY!!!
The FOCCUS test is a piece of cake. It’s not a “test” so much as a means to open discussion about topics you may not have thought of before. My Fiance and I met with our priest last night to go over our results, and we had 100% on almost everything. I think if you take that test and are surprised by any of the questions, it should be a wake-up call as a couple…if you’re meeting with a priest and actively planning your wedding, you should have at least discussed the things it covers, even if you haven’t decided on a final answer (like, we’ve discussed how we’ll handle finances, but haven’t finalized who will handle what, etc.).
Post # 11
The FOCCUS test is really nothing to worry about. Fi and I actually didn’t get that great of a score but it was only because he takes everything super literally (like if we don’t have concrete plans about the exact number of kids, he doesn’t consider it being agreed upon) and I answer based on the bigger picture.
Fi even got completely mixed up on one of the double negatives and managed to answer that he’s uncomfortable with the amount I drink (for the record, I literally have maybe 1 glass of wine per week). Our priest asked him if I drink too much or too little.
I think most priests understand that a scantron test doesn’t tell you whether or not you should get married. Just take it as list of discussions to have with your Fi.
Post # 12
@kybride2012: Exactly. It’s things you need to discuss, not a literal “test” that you’re going to pass or fail.