Weddingbee boards

Original Post Here.

Well, now we aren't even invited to the wedding.  I called my sister last night.  I basically told her that it was very hurtful when she spread around lies to family and friends and that I was also upset that in the last six months she hasn't even tried to meet Addie.  I said that I really felt that in order to move on from this incident, I needed her to acknowledge that those actions were hurtful, I needed her to apologize, and I needed her to meet Addie.  I even offerred to bring Addie down to visit the next time she comes to town to visit her fiance (he lives only an hour away) or we could Skype anytime.

She made excuses for everything.  She denied putting the whole thing on Facebook, and when I confronted her with the exact words she posted on Facebook, she said, "Well, that was a reference to what happened, but I wasn't specific about it."  She told me that she wouldn't answer my emails or phone calls because she was mad at me.  I asked what I could do make the situation better, and she said I had to apologize for giving her short notice that my nephew couldn't hold Addie.  So I apologized; even though I was thinking that's total bullshit because I was home from the hospital only 24 hours before I texted her.  We were just trying to figure things out with a newborn and "giving her notice" wasn't exactly on our minds.

So then I told her that what I needed most from her was just for her to meet Addie.  Forget the apology, forget the acknowledgement that she's done something wrong, all I want is for her to meet my daughter.  And she told me that she is way too busy, and there's no way she can possibly meet her before the wedding in July.  Not even if we drive to her fiance's house, not even if we call her on Skype.  I was so hurt by that, I just started crying.  I'm not an emotional person, but it just breaks my heart that she has absolutely no desire to see her niece.  So I told her we couldn't participate in her wedding at this time, and she told me if I couldn't "put on a dress and play nice for one day" then I don't need to be at the wedding at all.  Now, this morning I'm dealing with her stupid Facebook posts and the calls from my parents telling me I'm in the wrong.

I guess this post is nothing more than just to blow off some steam.  I was feeling better about last night's conversation this morning, and then I saw her Facebook posts and my parents started calling and now I'm even more upset.  It's just such a shitty situation.

Oh my goodness....you definitely didn't do anything wrong, here. It sounds like your sister will always make you out to be the bad person, no matter what you do :(. *hugs*

I don't think you did anything wrong. I wouldn't want someone with a cold around my baby. I would think that your sister would understand, being that she is a parent too. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Hugs! I hope this gets resolved soon.

According to my dad, "blood covers all sins," meaning I should always forgive her no matter she does because she's my sister.  My mom said that I need to just go with what she wants because it's her wedding, meaning if she wants me to be a bridesmaid and my daughter to be a flowergirl, I don't get to say no.  I understand their point but I don't think I'm asking too much just for her to meet Addie.  All I'm asking for is some sign that she wants to have a relationship with us.

Thanks for the sympathy, hive.  It's much appreciated.

@Kitty79:  While I obviously don't want my daughter to be treated like this, I don't think it's as easy as just ignoring my sister until she learns to treat people (us) better.  Cutting off my relationship with my sister means cutting off my relationship with my nephew and any future nephews and nieces she will have with her new husband (which she told me last night they're already planning on TTC soon after the wedding).  It means not allowing my daughter to have relationships with her aunt, uncle, or cousins.  And, to some point, it means sacrificing parts of my relationship (and my daughter's relationship) with other family members because, at least to my parents, I'm the one holding out and make things difficult.  I'm not so sure I'm willing to make all of those sacrifices, especially where my daughter's concerned.  On the other hand, I can't even comprhend getting over this right now; I'm still way too upset.

I disagree.. you DO get to say no if you want or need to.  You dont have to 'play nice' and pretend to get along for 1 day just because its her wedding day.  If she wants it to appear as if you have some sort of relationship, then she should try to have one.  It sounds to me like you're trying.  If she wants to toss that, and then not even invite you to the wedding, then so be it.  You have a new baby girl, there are more important things to worry about than a bratty selffish sister.  There's only so much energy one person can put into trying to get another person to care if they really don't.  Your parents are wrong to side with her without being in or knowing the whole situation.  Dont let either of them step all over you.

When the first incident happened this summer my dad said that while he didn't understand why I didn't want my nephew holding Addie, he told my sister she needed to accept that Addie is my daughter and I get to make the decisions about how to raise her.  My mom told my sister she should've worn face masks to protect against the germs and come to visit anyway. 

My parents made me feel bad about the whole thing, but I do understand where they're coming from.  They've always been very "family deserves forgiveness no matter what," but since my grandpa died a couple years ago, they've been more... extreme about it, I guess.  They don't normally interfere.

@CorgiTales: I agree 100%.

Ugh...I'm so sorry Mrs. Spring. Your sister sounds like she just doesn't care about anyone but herself. I can't believe that she has zero time between now and July to even Skype you to meet her neice. Come on...she's being completely unreasonable. And while I understand that your parents just want their kids to get along, it sounds like she's just going to keep treating you like crap, and that's not fair either.

She bullied you into apologizing for something that wasn't your fault, and she won't accept blame in any of this. I'm so sorry!

I don't have any good words of advice, but we're here if you want to vent more!!

Thanks, guys.  :)  It really does help just have a little sympathy in this.  My husband and I spent a lot of time talking about it last night, and more time today a lunch.  We think the suggestions to let things blow over a little are good.  And writing my sister a letter was also a good idea.  I might try that in a couple months if I don't see any improvement.

Most of all thanks for listening.  And for the hugs!  And for cat, ejs, although we both know I'm a dog person.  ;)