football season is here and DH is at a bar ALL day

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Go with him! FI and I spend all day at the bar (I don’t drink) just pigging out and watch football! It’s probably my favorite day of the week!

Post # 4
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@becca83:  Why not go with him, or have a fun football Sunday at your house and invite his friends over?

Post # 5
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It doesn’t sound like he’s going out and getting super hammered or anything (but I could be wrong). When my friends go out for the day to watch games, they generally don’t really get drunk, even though they have some beers throughout the day. Maybe you can go hang out when them sometimes, or plan a nice day to pamper youself on sundays? It would personally make me a little uncomfortable too, just because I have issues with lots of drinking, but it overall seems like it’s not a huge deal. 

What does he say when you bring up that it’s hard for you to adjust?

Post # 6
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@becca83:  I get watching games all day at a friend’s house but all day at the bar has got to be expensive.  Not to mention you are worried about him driving after drinking for that many hours.  Is the bar close enough that you could drop him off and pick him up so you don’t have to worry?  Would his friends be cool with you hanging out for a game or two with them?

If it’s only once every two months or so from August until January that would only be 3 or 4 times a year which isn’t much.  Figure out what about it makes you uncomfortable and instead of complaining about it, tell him what you want done.

“Babe I worry about you driving after drinking for so many hours so I would feel more comfortable if you let me drop you off and pick you up so I know you get home safe.”

“Babe I miss spending time with you on Sundays during football season so I would love it if make it a ritual to have brunch together before the games start.”

The longer you let the behavior go on, the harder it will be later to ask for him to make changes so you need to speak up now about it.

Post # 9
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have no idea how old you are but I personally find it dumb, if its done too often. Every once in a while is cool but often, I would not be ok with. But there are times in our lives where I see it a bit more (20’s) vs. others (30’s+).

I would definately try to join him at times! It could be fun! I would also offer to cook for his friends and do an invit.! But I would set parameters with what was comfortable for me. 

Post # 10
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I hate alcohol and it bothers me when FI drinks. It probably is irrational when they aren’t getting drunk or doing anything wrong. But it makes me really uncomfortable and its a waste of money.

I feel your pain 🙁

Post # 14
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That’s totally different if you have kids (we’re in college). FI would never go to a bar after we have kids (he’s told me many times it’s disrespectful and not what a dad should do). I would definitely express your concerns. Make plans for yourself on a Sunday and tell him he doesn’t really have a choice. Maybe have some friends over a few Sundays a year. Hope it works out!

Post # 16
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@becca83:  Whoah, the fact that you have a child changes everything! You need to make it clear to him that child minding has to be shared. e.g. Tell him that unless he minds your child ALL Saturday, he is not free to leave you to mind him all Sunday.

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