Post # 1
I had dinner with my MOH yesterday, and we started talking about dresses…
I’m having my girls wear a floor length black dress of their choice. I’m not picking fabric or a designer, just the color. I figured doing it this way would make it easier to find an affordable dress that fit each girls’ personality.
Anyway, my friend was recently in a wedding where they rented their dresses. She mentioned how easy it was and cost effective. Unfortunately, that website doesn’t have black dress (WTF?). Then she went on to say that the other bride wrote each of the bridesmaids a check to cover the cost of the rental. She talked about how nice it was since she was out of state and had to pay for so many things already. She also mentioned that the bride payed to have their hair done.
I got the hint. She wants me to pay for her dress and hair, but I hadn’t planned on footing the bill for it all. I’m trying to make it easier by not having too many parameters on dresses. FI and I have contemplated giving our party visa gift cards to go towards these items (about $75 – $100 each.) If you do it for the girls, you have to do it for the boys, IMHO. That’d be $600 to $800 for everyone, which is a lot of money for people who are planning a wedding and trying to move out. We could do it, but we’d have to severely cut back on a lot of things. It just felt weird for her to mention it, especially since I know her parents are paying for her travel expenses, and she’ll stay with them for the wedding since it’s in their hometown.
She’s already planning a shower and bach. party. Those are expensive, and I fully expect to give all of my ladies amazing gifts to thank them for being part of my day (and my life). This just took me by surprise. What would you do?
Post # 3
@MoodyFoodie: Well, I paid for my MOH’s dress but not hair, but I know that many brides do pay for it, especially if you want it done a certain way. If you don’t, I wouldn’t pay for it, but maybe as a special gift you could buy your MOH’s dress at least?
Post # 4
At the end of the day, it’s totally up to you. That was a nice gesture of the other bride to do, but when you sign up to be in the bridal party you assume responsibillity to pay for what you’ll need.
My DH paid for him tux rentals for his guys. He did this in leu of groomsmen gifts, because he felt like they’d probably appriciate not shelling out for a tux and they didn’t need another monogrammed flask or thing they won’t use. Likewise, I paid for my girls hair/makeup as my gift to them. I really wanted airbrush makeup, which is expensive, and so the cost of their hair/makeup was just as much as the tux rentals.
Post # 5
One wedding I was in the bride paid for all of us BM to get our hair done the day of, but that was considered our gift. Another paid for nothing. I paid for my BM dresses, and my aunt is a stylist and is doing the girls’ hair for nothing as a favor to me. I personally, have never expected the bride to pay for anything for me. It is an honor to be in someone’s wedding, and I fully expect to foot the bill.
Post # 6
@MoodyFoodie: Well I didn’t ask my bridesmaids to pay for anything besides travel. I didn’t ask for a shower/bachelorette party, they didn’t have to purchase dresses, shoes or jewelry, I took care of their accommodations and offered to pay for their hair and make-up (they chose to do their own). I would feel very uncomfortable forcing my closest friends to spend their money on my wedding like that. I think this is cultural/regional though.
Post # 7
@MoodyFoodie: im in the camp that if are expecting anything you have to pay for it. I wanted eveyone in the same dressnso I bought them. However since you are letting them choose a dress then I think they should pay. I would research for you MOH for inexpensive dresses. As for hair if you are requiring them to get it done you should most certainly pay.
Post # 8
I don’t care what they do for their hair or makeup. Some of them have specific people that they want to do their hair, and I’m not opposed to paying for that. In fact, I’d planned on having someone come to us for that if the girls wanted.
I was just surprised because I thought I was trying to make it easy for her. I was just in a wedding where my dress looked awful and I spent 200+ on it. That’s why I’m doing it this way.
I hadn’t thought about making this their gift though. I really wanted to pick something special for them as a thanks, but that could work.
Post # 9
@MoodyFoodie: My sister paid for my dress and my hair for her wedding.
I WANT to pay for my bridesmaids, but I am not. I am still determining if I will be able to help with them getting thier hair done- no- I don’t want it done a certain way, but I think it would be a nice thing to do.
You are not REQUIRED to pay for BM dresses, etc….if I am asked to be a BM, I assume ALL costs are to be covered by me, and anything I get covered is “extra”. BM’s can always politely decline, and explain that they’d love to, but it’s simply not in their budget right now. I think most people will understand.
If you can’t afford to pay for the BMs, tell her (them) politely if it wa possible, you’d be paying for them (word it much better- you get the idea), and it it’s a hardhsip on anyone, you understand- and them back out?
I know for me- to make it easier for the girls to shell out money, I am doing the same- allowing them to pick out ANY black dress they want. That way they can wear it again if they choose and find something they like that’s affordable. For the guys, we picked out Vera Wang tuxes- they are $201.98 to rent. We asked all of them if this was OK, and if it wasn’t there was one that was $40 less they could have gotten. All of them were a-ok with the VW.
Don’t bend your budget to the point you’re uncomfortable, just be clear what you will and will not pay for, and give everyone one last chance to back out.
Post # 10
@MoodyFoodie: I think you just have to talk to your BMs because each circle seems to have varying expectations. I know I don’t consider anything that is wedding related a gift (i.e. jewelry, shoes, dress) unless it is something they would definitely wear/use frequently. I ended up spending about $100 in gifts on each girl, plus I made them customized jewelry (they have very different styles/tastes), macaron coin purses and pop up thank you cards. Again, I think what is acceptable/expected is going to vary greatly from one group to another.
Post # 11
@MoodyFoodie: I have been in weddings and I had to pay for everything. Hair, shoes, dress, makeup, etc. I actually never heard of getting dresses and stuff paid for until this site.
Is she married? When she does get married will she pay for all of that stuff too?
im not paying for dresses & stuff for the girls. You don’t have to.