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Hi Bees,
I've been living with my bf for 7 months, and we've been together a total of 2.5 years. We know we're going to get married... I'm just waiting for him to ask me. I've always thought that whoever I ended up marrying would ask my parents for 'permission' first.
So here's my question for all of you who lived with your bf before getting engaged: Did he end up asking your parents for permission first, or does it really not make sense anymore since you're living together and practically 'married' anyway?
I still want him to ask my parents, but is that just weird?
I am not sure I would want my FI to ask my parents but I am nearly 30 years old and have been living on my own for a long time now. I wouldn't put him up to asking your parents. But, if he does that would be great for you and I think your parents would like it.
My FI talked to my parents about it before he proposed and we had lived together for almost a year when he proposed. I am glad he did it :)
I don't think it is weird at all if you live together already...I think it is a very nice gesture for him to ask your dad, but I also think it depends a lot on the relationship your bf has with your father - perhaps not in all cases, but I think in many it does. So no, I definitely do no think you are weird for wanting that!
We did live together before engagement. No, he did not ask, but we had this discussion and I told him I was not comfortable with him asking. I am a very independent person, and I feel very strongly that it's my decision to enter into an engagement - I didn't want him asking my parents' permission! He knew that, and did not ask.
I'm very glad he did. We have been together since we were 16 (22 then)and he even asked my grandparents (i'm very close with them) and proposed on their 54th wedding anniv. He didnt really need the approval but its cute that he got it.
Thanks for the input ladies. It's interesting, because I guess I would be OK with him not asking my parents... I mean it's not such a big deal to me anymore... however my sister's husband asked them and I feel like they'd judge my bf if he didn't, you know?
Hmmm... interesting that the poll responses are neck and neck!
I never thought I would care one way or the other, but it makes me smile everytime I think about the conversation they had :) I am totally glad my FI asked my dad.
It makes no difference whether we were living together or not, I would have been livid if he'd done any such thing.
I would have felt weird if he'd done that in this day and age. In fact, I didn't know people still do that; they don't in my culture any more. So I told him it wasn't something he needed to do and I would prefer if he didn't. So he didn't. We got engaged and then I told my parents.
He didn't "ask for permission" as much as let them know it was going to happen so they could be at the celebratory brunch afterwards~ I think they appreciated him going to them first, it's a nice gesture and shows respect on his part...But it's not necessary, in my mind...Also, I never corrolated living together with whether the guy should ask the parents first, is there a reason the two are equated?
He asked my parents and I knew he would before he propsed because we had talked about it. I can't remember if I asked him or he brought up that he planned to do it. I just didn't know when it would happen.
If you want your BF to ask your parents, I would let him know to avoid any disappointment. It will give you a chance to explain your reasons and it will mean he has no excuse :)
My DH and I discussed it before we got engaged. He didn't want to ask (because he thought it was silly and old fashioned) and I didn't want him to either (for the same reason). I had a feeling my parents would say "um, maybe you should ask her?" - they aren't very traditional and I know they would never expect it. But in some families I know it's important - not so much about permission these days, but more about asking for their blessing/good wishes. It's ok to want him to ask them, but I don't think it's ok to keep quiet about it :)
I don't think it's weird. We were living together for about a year when we got engaged and FI asked my parents in person before he asked me to marry him. I thought it was a very sweet gesture and was touched that he did that!
I answered "No, and good thing because it would've been weird", because both of my parents are deceased. However, had they been alive, I think it would have been sweet had he asked.
Mine did, even though we had lived together for two years and owned a house together. I love the fact that he did and it adds one more quirky element to our engagement story. (My parents figured out what was going on and he walked into my father and brother polishing their rifles!)
I didnt answer your poll, because he didnt ask for permission and I am not dissapointed that he didn't, but neither would it of been wierd if he had.
It just wasn't necessary really. I am 29 and pregnant with our 2nd child. So the point seems a bit redundant in all reality. I wasn't really fussed on it one way or the other. My Sisters husband asked for permission, AFTER he had already asked her anyway. To me THAT was weird!!
And when we told everyone, my Dad said GOOD WHEN IS IT, TOMORROW? haha Dad!!
I don't really like the idea of someone asking permission to marry me so I'm glad my husband didn't.
No, he did not ask and I am glad he didn't as I have been independant from my parents for almost 10 years (besides, my dad likes him, so it doesn't much matter). Aside from that we were together for 3 years & already had a child together when he did ask.
I don't have a relationship with my father so it was a nonpoint. He knew I didn't respect my mother enough for her blessing to count, so it just didn't apply to us. I think if I had a more traditional (read: intact) family, it would have been cute for him to sweat it out by asking my dad. :P
He didn't ask, which was no problem with me. He proposed while we were on vacation in Vegas, and he knew that if he told my mother that he'd be proposing during our trip, it would be VERY difficult for her to keep her mouth shut. I'm certain that she'd be calling my cell every day during the trip to be like, "So.... any news?"
I didn't vote because my answer is "no, but I didn't care one way or the other".
He knew my parents wanted us to get married anyway. My parents absolutely adore him, they had been asking me for several years when we were going to get married.
I had been living with my BF for 5 years but it was important for me that he asked by parents for permission so I pretty much made him do it and told him it'll have to be in person. We live in New York and my parents live in Texas. I think it confused my parents (my mom said aren't you suppose to ask Shoppingdixie this?") but in a way I think they really appreciate it since I'm their only daughter.
I don't think that he needed to ask my Dad to marry me, but it would have been nice if he had talked to him before he proposed. I had mentioned to him that I wanted him to talk to my Dad beforehand, but he never did that.
I was a bit disappointed, but what can you do?!
My FI asked what I wanted. I didn't really care if he did but I asked him to anyways because he would be breaking the news and I hoped it would make them feel a little included. He could have not and I would have been fine. I don't need anyones permission to get married.
He didn't ask my parent's permission to marry me--he asked me! But I don't see anything wrong with a "blessing".
My dad is an etiquette snob, so he really appreciated that my FI asked for permission. Though he did add, jokingly, "you didn't ask for my permission when you moved in with her!"
Both my parents have passed away so he did the next best thing and told my sister! I am still shocked she didn't spill the beans!
It was important to FI to ask my dad. Even though my parents had visited our house and when we visit them we sleep in the guest room together... Even though we've lived together most of our relationship... It was still important to him to ask my dad's "blessing". To me it was weird and I didn't really think he needed anyone's blessing but it was important to FI.
After living together for almost 2.5 years, he didn't "ask permission" so much as he let my parents know what he was going to do. I really did appreciate that - even having lived together, I am still quite traditional and loved that he asked.
My FI and I had been living together 4 years before we got engaged and he didn't ask my parents. But if he had, I would've thought it was sweet. I think it is a nice gesture.
i was kind of weirded out that he didn't ask my parents first, but then when he explained why it made sense. my mom is NOT good at keeping a secret, and since he wanted it to be a surprise he decided against it.
I think it's a nice gesture. He asked them earlier on the day he proposed. But I think they kind of knew already because he had mentioned saving for a ring to my dad.
my FI didn't ask, but my parents raised me to be a completely independent person, so they didnt mind. also, we live about 8 hours away from our families and he's not too good on the phone haha. anyway, he called them up on his own when I was at work and thanked them for always being there for us and to say he was happy to be joining our family, so I thought that was adorable and sweet!
We were living together before he proposed and he asked both my mom and dad (they are divorced). I'm so glad he did! I kind of figured he'd just ask my dad, but I'm glad he made my mom feel like part of the process as well. I think it's still a nice gesture even if you're already living together.
he did it out of respect for my father/parents, even though we all knew it was coming. it was really sweet, and i know my daddy appreciated it.
R asked my dad, and I was really happy about it. Not so much because we needed his permission, but my dad's kind of old school Italian and I'm his youngest daughter. He really appreciated the gesture. R told me it was super awkward because my dad was showing him his train board. R asked, and my dad said "Yeah sure. Hey, look at those trees I made."
My father isn't in the picture but even if he was I would of thought it was weird. Not so much because we are living together but the past history of what "asking for permission" implies. I know that had he asked my mom, she would of given him a LONG history lesson (she is a history major, double minor in women and gender studies and Aboriginal studies) on weddings and the oppression of women, and NO ONE needs that. Not to mention she lives over 2000km away from us. So I am super glad he didn't.
p.s: if that is what you want, you should make sure you let your bf know so it happens.
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