Post # 1
I’ve been living with my bf for 7 months, and we’ve been together a total of 2.5 years. We know we’re going to get married… I’m just waiting for him to ask me. I’ve always thought that whoever I ended up marrying would ask my parents for ‘permission’ first.
So here’s my question for all of you who lived with your bf before getting engaged: Did he end up asking your parents for permission first, or does it really not make sense anymore since you’re living together and practically ‘married’ anyway?
I still want him to ask my parents, but is that just weird?
Post # 3
I am not sure I would want my FI to ask my parents but I am nearly 30 years old and have been living on my own for a long time now. I wouldn’t put him up to asking your parents. But, if he does that would be great for you and I think your parents would like it.
Post # 4
My FI talked to my parents about it before he proposed and we had lived together for almost a year when he proposed. I am glad he did it 🙂
I don’t think it is weird at all if you live together already…I think it is a very nice gesture for him to ask your dad, but I also think it depends a lot on the relationship your bf has with your father – perhaps not in all cases, but I think in many it does. So no, I definitely do no think you are weird for wanting that!
Post # 5
We did live together before engagement. No, he did not ask, but we had this discussion and I told him I was not comfortable with him asking. I am a very independent person, and I feel very strongly that it’s my decision to enter into an engagement – I didn’t want him asking my parents’ permission! He knew that, and did not ask.
Post # 6
I’m very glad he did. We have been together since we were 16 (22 then)and he even asked my grandparents (i’m very close with them) and proposed on their 54th wedding anniv. He didnt really need the approval but its cute that he got it.
Post # 7
Thanks for the input ladies. It’s interesting, because I guess I would be OK with him not asking my parents… I mean it’s not such a big deal to me anymore… however my sister’s husband asked them and I feel like they’d judge my bf if he didn’t, you know?
Post # 9
Hmmm… interesting that the poll responses are neck and neck!
Post # 10
I never thought I would care one way or the other, but it makes me smile everytime I think about the conversation they had 🙂 I am totally glad my FI asked my dad.
Post # 11
It makes no difference whether we were living together or not, I would have been livid if he’d done any such thing.
Post # 12
I would have felt weird if he’d done that in this day and age. In fact, I didn’t know people still do that; they don’t in my culture any more. So I told him it wasn’t something he needed to do and I would prefer if he didn’t. So he didn’t. We got engaged and then I told my parents.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
He didn’t “ask for permission” as much as let them know it was going to happen so they could be at the celebratory brunch afterwards~ I think they appreciated him going to them first, it’s a nice gesture and shows respect on his part…But it’s not necessary, in my mind…Also, I never corrolated living together with whether the guy should ask the parents first, is there a reason the two are equated?
Post # 14
He asked my parents and I knew he would before he propsed because we had talked about it. I can’t remember if I asked him or he brought up that he planned to do it. I just didn’t know when it would happen.
Post # 15
If you want your BF to ask your parents, I would let him know to avoid any disappointment. It will give you a chance to explain your reasons and it will mean he has no excuse 🙂
My DH and I discussed it before we got engaged. He didn’t want to ask (because he thought it was silly and old fashioned) and I didn’t want him to either (for the same reason). I had a feeling my parents would say “um, maybe you should ask her?” – they aren’t very traditional and I know they would never expect it. But in some families I know it’s important – not so much about permission these days, but more about asking for their blessing/good wishes. It’s ok to want him to ask them, but I don’t think it’s ok to keep quiet about it 🙂
Post # 16
I don’t think it’s weird. We were living together for about a year when we got engaged and FI asked my parents in person before he asked me to marry him. I thought it was a very sweet gesture and was touched that he did that!