(Closed) For all the bees who lived with their bf before marriage

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Did your boyfriend ask your parents for permission to marry you, even though you lived together?
    Yes, and I'm glad he did. : (140 votes)
    55 %
    No, and I'm disappointed : (11 votes)
    4 %
    Yes, but I thought it was weird. : (9 votes)
    4 %
    No, and good thing because it would've been weird. : (93 votes)
    37 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I am not sure I would want my FI to ask my parents but I am nearly 30 years old and have been living on my own for a long time now. I wouldn’t put him up to asking your parents. But, if he does that would be great for you and I think your parents would like it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My FI talked to my parents about it before he proposed and we had lived together for almost a year when he proposed.  I am glad he did it ๐Ÿ™‚  

    I don’t think it is weird at all if you live together already…I think it is a very nice gesture for him to ask your dad, but I also think it depends a lot on the relationship your bf has with your father – perhaps not in all cases, but I think in many it does.  So no, I definitely do no think you are weird for wanting that!

    Post # 5
    Member
    5263 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We did live together before engagement. No, he did not ask, but we had this discussion and I told him I was not comfortable with him asking. I am a very independent person, and I feel very strongly that it’s my decision to enter into an engagement – I didn’t want him asking my parents’ permission! He knew that, and did not ask. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’m very glad he did. We have been together since we were 16 (22 then)and he even asked my grandparents (i’m very close with them) and proposed on their 54th wedding anniv. He didnt really need the approval but its cute that he got it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3126 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I never thought I would care one way or the other, but it makes me smile everytime I think about the conversation they had ๐Ÿ™‚ I am totally glad my FI asked my dad.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    It makes no difference whether we were living together or not, I would have been livid if he’d done any such thing. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    674 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would have felt weird if he’d done that in this day and age. In fact, I didn’t know people still do that; they don’t in my culture any more. So I told him it wasn’t something he needed to do and I would prefer if he didn’t. So he didn’t. We got engaged and then I told my parents.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1956 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    He didn’t “ask for permission” as much as let them know it was going to happen so they could be at the celebratory brunch afterwards~ I think they appreciated him going to them first, it’s a nice gesture and shows respect on his part…But it’s not necessary, in my mind…Also, I never corrolated living together with whether the guy should ask the parents first, is there a reason the two are equated? 

    Post # 14
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    He asked my parents and I knew he would before he propsed because we had talked about it.  I can’t remember if I asked him or he brought up that he planned to do it.  I just didn’t know when it would happen.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee

    If you want your BF to ask your parents, I would let him know to avoid any disappointment. It will give you a chance to explain your reasons and it will mean he has no excuse ๐Ÿ™‚

    My DH and I discussed it before we got engaged. He didn’t want to ask (because he thought it was silly and old fashioned) and I didn’t want him to either (for the same reason). I had a feeling my parents would say “um, maybe you should ask her?” – they aren’t very traditional and I know they would never expect it. But in some families I know it’s important – not so much about permission these days, but more about asking for their blessing/good wishes. It’s ok to want him to ask them, but I don’t think it’s ok to keep quiet about it ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 16
    Member
    4547 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I don’t think it’s weird. We were living together for about a year when we got engaged and FI asked my parents in person before he asked me to marry him. I thought it was a very sweet gesture and was touched that he did that!

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