Post # 1
Okay this is rather confusing and complicated and I know we probably need legal advice but I thought I’d throw it out there to see if anyone had been through something similar.
FI is changing HER name before the wedding, through the courts. We are a same sex couple (just to clarify). Then after, I will change my name to hers.
The name change for her is something she’d wanted to do for a long time and has reasons connected to her family; the family and name she was raised with, vs. the family on her father’s side that has been awesome and has embraced her after not knowing where she was for most of her life. SO she is choosing her paternal Grandma’s maiden name as her new surname.
The thing is, she has a daughter, age 7. We both know that in order to change her daughter’s surname it would require a court order and consent of her daughter’s bio father (even though he is not around and hasn’t been for over 3 years and is in general a Very Bad Man).. so she wasn’t going to attempt that at this point and would leave DD’s name as-is, but if my FI changes her name, doesn’t there still have to be a change on DDs birth certificate? Because, for example, it now shows her as being born to Psycho Loser (father) and Fiance Smith, and if FIance Smith becomes Fiance Jones and not through marriage, the birth certificate needs to reflect that right? So DD would get one reissued to reflect her mom’s new last name, I’m assuming?
Or am I way off here?
Wheat we are mainly wondering is if this would indeed happen and if so, would her father need to be notified or any of that… I would think not since the CHILD’S last name is not being changed. Just her mom’s name.
Sorry if this is confusing.
Post # 3
Your’s and your fiances situation is very unique. When I divorced my ex, I kept his last name specifically for the children. It makes things much easier if mom and kids have the same last name. If I was your fiance, even though I hate the last name, I would still keep it for the child’s sake. If the daughter is mature enough, her mom might want to ask her what she thinks about the name change. The birth certificate will always read the way it does now. If the last name gets changed, the name change document may also have to be used for certain things.
Post # 4
@noritake22: So, if she did change her name she would possibly have to use the court order often to prove she is her child’s mother, is that what you’re saying? Since the birth certificate wouldn’t reflect mom’s name change?
I get what you’re saying about keeping it the same for the benefit of the child… but maybe she could do something including her old last name along with it?
I don’t know. I never changed my name when I married before, and I had a child already when I married him, who shared my surname (my maiden name). Then I married and had another child, and he has his father’s last name. So my youngest son has a different last name from me and his brother, and then my FI and her daughter have different last names; legally DD’s last name is a hyphenated one because her father insisted on it when she was a baby and they were in court, and it’s just a big mis mash of names in our house!
It’s never been a problem though with school or doctor visits or any of that and the kids don’t seem to care. We’ve lived together and functioned as a family for seven years now. My FI’s DD and I share a middle name (coincidence only; I met FI when DD was 4 months old).. and DD thinks that’s the coolest thing..
Post # 5
No change is necessary on the DD’s birth certificate to reflect the mother’s change of name. Basically, the birth certificate reflects the parents’ names at the time of the child’s birth, and is not changed to reflect any changes of names the parents may have thereafter.
If a situation ever arose in which your FI had to prove she was the mother, she could show the court order changing her name, along with the birth certificate. As you have already experienced, though, it is rarely necessary to prove your relationship to a child. If you walk in with a child to a school, doctor, etc. and say this is my child, they seldom question it. I have never had the same last name as either of my children, and it has never been an issue.
Post # 6
@2dBride: Wooo-hooo thank you,that’s exactly the answer we were hoping for! Now we can move forward with the name change without worrying about it causing even more headaches than a name change normally does. 😉
And you are right, no one questions parentage, everyone thinks FI is the bio mom for my eldest anyway because he looks a lot like her, and I take DD (who is not legally mine in any way) to the doctor and so forth and have never had a problem arise.