(Closed) for as long as we both shall love?

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ejbri:  I feel the sentiment is nice, but I feel it lessens the seriousness of the vows. 

Marriage is hard work, just because you go through rough patches and don’t feel in love anymore doesn’t mean the marriage is beyond repair.

If you give each other the easy out of leaving when times get tough and you think you don’t love each other any more, then why bother getting married and taking vows. 

Marriage is meant to be a life long commitment. I’m not saying bad things don’t happen and I know marriages can fail, but I think it you are starting with a less serious commitment then your commitment to the marriage and to working things out may be slightly less.

Post # 4
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

To be it seems like a way out. If there’s one day that you think it will last forever, it’s your wedding day. At least make the promise to try. I didn’t like the traditional vows, so we did a modern version.

Vows we have chosen to recite:

I, __________ take you ______________ to be my husband/wife secure in the knowledge that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life and my one true low. On this special day, I give to you in the presence of God and these witnesses my promise to stay by you side as your wife/husband to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve your goal, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you and cherish you for as long as we both shall live

Additional for me: Today I marry you as well as **future SS names** and promise to love and support them as my own.

Ring ceremony: I offer you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. It will always be a symbol of the vows which have made us husband and wife this day.

Post # 5
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is an excellent question.  If love dies in a relationship what are we supposed to do?  Suffer for the rest of our lives?  I’ve always wondered about this and in my case chose divorce over misery.  I wish I knew the answer to this one.  I’ve talked with older people who’ve stuck it out for 50-60 years and they always say they went through times in their marriage they really hated each other for awhile but stuck it out and are glad they did so.  On the other hand, I also have known older couples who just stayed together because it was the “right thing to do,” hated each other’s guts, and made each other miserable til their dying day.   What is noble about that?  I can’t do that.  I believe it is better to be happy and at peace alone than to live with someone else and be in misery.  If someone eventually makes my skin crawl by their very presence, it’s time for me to go.

Post # 6
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

it seems (seems… not that you are.. jsut that it seems) like you aren’t going to even try to make it last forever or don’t want it to. like you view marriage as a temporary thing and not the permanent promise it is SUPPOSED to be.

When people view marriage as temporary, they don’t fight for it to work as hard as they could or should be when things go wrong. 

Post # 7
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think love needs to be nurtured to stay alive. it takes work. I dont think people should divorce just because they dont feel in love anymore. Its something that has to be worked on daily to keep alive. 

Post # 8
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@KatNYC2011:  “Marriage is hard work, just because you go through rough patches and don’t feel in love anymore doesn’t mean the marriage is beyond repair.

If you give each other the easy out of leaving when times get tough and you think you don’t love each other any more, then why bother getting married and taking vows.”

That’s how I feel too, so I’m not really a fan of the vows in your OP. I think it’s great when vows and traditional ceremony wording are personalized, just not like that. It sounds too temporary, like when you stop feeling the love you’re okay to leave. You’re not going to feel in love 100% of your marriage so these vows don’t really make sense to me (:

If I heard these at a wedding I would think it was kind of strange and like the couple weren’t making a full commitment to each other (even if that wasn’t their intention with the vows that’s how I would interpret them during a ceremony).

Post # 9
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@KatNYC2011:  Agreed.

 

Post # 10
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Seems like you’re giving yourselves a way out. You shouldn’t be looking for a way out. Marriage is *meant* to be a lifelong committment. Not saying they’re all gonna last forever, but you’re supposed to try.

Post # 11
Member
3001 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@rosworms:  I agree with you 100%

Post # 12
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@sweetpea87:  Agreed!

Post # 13
Hostess
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It was important to me to make a lifelong commitment to my husband in front of our family and friends. That commitment, for all the days of our lives, was our way of preparing for the future or the unknown that you’re referring to. Even though we don’t know everything that our future holds, we know that it’s our future, together, and that we’ll be there for each other.

Of course, it’s up to you and your fiance what your vows say. Does your fiance agree with your wording?

Post # 14
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

If you want complete honesty, those vows make me wince. Not only do they sound cheesy, but they also sound like a total cop out, as the other posters have said. Keep looking, I think!

Post # 15
Member
12831 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s not very appropriate.  When I read it, it sounded like you were committing to a casual fling, not a marriage.  If one of you falls out of love, your vows don’t matter anymore, and you have an exit strategy.  I think it’s important for me to make a lifelong commitment in front of everyone I love, and a commitment to my future husband.  Marriage, to me, is lifelong. 

Post # 16
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I don’t like any of them. I think you should vow forever, and if you fail to meet those vows, that’s okay, but you should set those high expectations. Instead, you are setting the expectation that you’ll stick it out until you get sick of it.

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