(Closed) For Bees who were "iffy" about having kids but decided to go for it!

posted 6 years ago in Babies
  • poll: If you weren't sure you wanted kids, what made you "bite the bullet"?
    My friends started having kids : (1 votes)
    4 %
    I knew I would ultimately want them later on in life and that clock was ticking : (4 votes)
    14 %
    Accidents happen! : (5 votes)
    18 %
    Pressure from my family/SO : (0 votes)
    Not sure but I regret having kids : (2 votes)
    7 %
    It just hit me like a brick one day : (5 votes)
    18 %
    I still am not sure I want children : (7 votes)
    25 %
    I decided not to have kids : (4 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    8426 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’m glad u posted this! I’m 33 and that urge still hasn’t hit me which scares me….. I fear that it won’t hit me….. I’m so on the fence and part of me wonders if it ever will hit! I do love kids but I’m afraid I’ll never get that motherly drive…… Can’t wait to hear what others have to say! I know I’m not much help here but I’m in the same boat as u right now!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m on the fence but leaning on the side of having kids,  FI and I have discussed this.  We both think it would be amazing (and challenging) to help raise a human being and see them grow, develop, and explore. 

    Maybe this isn’t humble, but FI and I try to be people of integrity.  As such, we want to make a positive impact in the world, besides being kind to others and doing well in our careers, but leaving a legacy of goodness after we are gone, to continue to do good things.  It sounds very, I don’t know, “rainbows and lollipops”, but it’s true.  We understand NO person is perfect, but we want to leave a positive legacy, and feel that, for us, raising a good person is the way to do that.

    On a less serious note, I also think it would be fun to mess with them, lol.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5405 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I feel the exact same way! I’ve discussed it with my mom before, and she is very much of the opinion that it’s ok either way (my parents totally don’t care if they are never grandparents…and my brother and his wife are approaching 30 and childless). Anyway, my mom says she always felt the same way I did but when they did have my brother and I, her opinion totally changed. I think they basically had kids because they were part of a church that discouraged birth control. But now she says it was the best decision they ever made. So I guess my point is that it’s very common to feel this way, and I think most people get on board real quick when the tiny human is a part of them. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    170 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Everyone is different when it comes to kids. I’m 21 and I want to have kids in ATLEAST 2 year, I’ve just always known I wanted to be a mother and my fiance is 30 so he is deffinately ready for kids. On the other hand my fiance’s sister is 38 and she has no children, his cousins are 40, and 39 and they both don’t have kids and I don’t even think they’re planning on it. Some people have that biological want to have kids and other people don’t. But really 27 is still really young and you may get the “urge” way later like when you’re 38, which is also perfectly fine. Just do it when you and your Fiance know you really want to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5549 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Well, I may be a bad person to respond since I want like 4 kids (two bio two adopted!) And also want to be done with new babies by the tine we are 30. However, I don’t think 27 is old at all to still not be ready for kids. If you were 47 and still hadn’t decided you wanted kids, you might have more issues with just starting then. But I can see no reason why you have to worry about it NOW. Get married, enjoy being married and decide then if you want kids. I think there are pros and cons to both having kids younger and.waiting and having them later. But I tend to think that if both you and your SO aren’t ready for kids, intentionally trying for them is in no ones best interest.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5549 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @Dell79:  

    Ha. I totally get that. Even though DH and I have been married only 6 months and are both several years younger than our married siblings, both our parents have suggested we are their hope for grandbabies. It’s funny and weird all at once for sure. You could always tell them you are giving them more time to save up for a really nice pool for the grandbabies. 😉

    Post # 12
    Member
    2086 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

    From 22-25, I had a “la la la, I want to be a mom” feeling.  It wasn’t coming from a mature place for me.  I wanted the trappings of adulthood though I was still finding my footing in life.

    From 27-30, I’d describe my body as screaming to have a baby.  My body was clearly telling me that NOW was the time. When I saw children, it was as if every cell in my body wanted one.  It was not the right time for me to have children in light of other goals I had, so there were times when I was sad and conflicted.

    At some point when I was 31, that feeling just evaporated.  It was kind of stunning to play with friends’ kids and love them and have fun with them, but not feel a longing to have one of my own.  I actually LOVED that the feeling went away. 

     

    I’ve had a couple conversations with my closest family members about the plans Mr. Mink and I have, but I simply will not entertain the “when are you going to have babies” discussion with anyone else. 

     

    BTW, people have kids for selfish reasons and people don’t have kids for selfish reasons.  When people toss that word around, I think you should laugh at them and ask them why they say that. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1120 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I found the right guy to have them with!

    I always thought I would adopt if I wanted kids, never wanted to be pregnant or deliver… But then I met my DH and he wanted kids of his own, and I actually felt good about that. No other man would have convinced me.

    I’m glad I did, and we’re planning for baby number 2… then maybe we’ll adopt one day. As I always say, the shop is closed after 2. 🙂

    The topic ‘For Bees who were "iffy" about having kids but decided to go for it!’ is closed to new replies.

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