For Better or Worse…What's your worse?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Cheating. I am extremely jealous and can be insecure, so it would definitely ruin our relationship. 

Abuse- physical or emotional.

Post # 3
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

If he cheated or had an affair. Or if he started doing doing hardcore drugs (coke heroin etc). Those are complete deal breakers for me. Our first date I even was bold enough to ask him if he did drugs. Lol I didn’t want that type of thing in my future even if it did have abig part of my past. Luckily for me, he’s 37 and never touched a thing!

 

I’m interested in other peoples answers as well….

Post # 4
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

Oh abuse is abiggie too! Never even thought of that since, thank god, I’ve never had to deal with that.

Post # 5
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Affair or abuse (physical, mental or sexual). Those are my only two deal breakers. I say affair because if he had a “one time” slip up it may be something I’d be able to get past however an emotional attachment to another woman is something I would not tolerate. 

Post # 6
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013
  • Abuse
  • Addiction (drugs, gambling)
  • Untreated mental illness (I’d try to give it long enough to see if it could be treated, but I was in a relationship with a guy who had untreated bi-polar and I know I couldn’t handle that forever)
  • Long jail sentence

Cheating isn’t on my list – I’d try to work through it, though it’s hard to know if I’d be able to.

Post # 7
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Adultery in some circumstances, but I don’t think all situations are automatic grounds for divorce.

Finding out he’s a serial killer/child molester/rapist. Other types of crimes wouldn’t be automatic dealbreakers. If he got 10 years for robbing a bank, I would stay married.

Physical abuse that happened more than once. He’s never been anything but gentle with me and has never been violent with objects or other people. I’d spend the night elsewhere after one incident, but I would seek answers before divorce.

These are obviously ideals. Being an imperfect person, I can’t know for sure how I would handle things unless they actually happen.

Post # 8
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

Money abuse. My core value is security and freedom as exemplified by money. In these two scenarios:

1) I find that DH blew $100,000

2) I find that DH had an affair for 3  months

I would be interested in repairing our relationship in the 2nd case. In the first case–he is fooking out the door unless there is a very good reason, probably involving ransom money.

I won’t tolerate my money being at risk. So it’s likely that addictions and drugs would have an affect on our net worth and he’d be out the door for it. I could understand a sudden addiction to prescription something, I suppose, and I’d stick around if he really worked on getting through that. Same with mental illness. But I would insist on abolute control of financial resources during the recovery period.

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Post # 9
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

Any type of abuse to me or my children absolute group do for divorce.   Been there done that. Thank goodness I didn’t have children then.  

Cheating I’m not so certain I would divorce.  An affair by all means let me wrap him up and deliver him to you.  A sexual encounter it would depend on the circumstances.  Not that he would have reason to cheat… I keep my man happy.  An online gf… probably yes.  That would be an emotional affair.   Then again why would I want him after all of that.   

Post # 11
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

JenGirl:  Sometimes I think living with someone who was bi-polar or had serious depression would be worse than having someone that cheated on you.

Manic episodes can be so difficult to handle.  Really rough stuff.

Post # 12
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

Abuse. It was such a major part of my past that I don’t want it to have any part in my future. But he’s never hit me and he hasn’t emotionally abused me. 

Cheating. Not that he ever would, but we had the “I don’t share” talk (note: that doesn’t mean we see each other as objects to give and take away from another person). Neither of us is comfortable with the other dating/sleeping with another person. 

Financial abuse is a major one too. While I like to think I can work through that with him, I’ve never been on the verge of poverty or homelessness and I’ve never wanted for the necessities. I like being secure and comfortable. If he were to jeopardize our living situation because he wanted new car parts, I don’t know if I could handle that. 

Post # 13
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

HoorayLouLou:  Not instigating anything.   Just a question.   Are you saying he could abuse you while your children. We’re at school and it would be OK?  What would you say if you they asked you how you face was bruised a day busted when they came home.  Would you fear the abuse would eventually extend to them? 

Post # 14
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

My dealbreakers: cheating, lying, disrespect.

Really anything that involves a blatant disregard for me (substance abuse, multiple affairs, physical and/or emotional abuse, addictions, etc.).

I wouldn’t divorce over cheating if it was an isolated incident, but things would never be the same for me after that. I’d try to forgive but never forget.

Post # 15
Member
8702 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Infidelity, abuse, or addiction (If he started smoking, or drinking excessively, or drugs.)

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