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I've read some of these rules, some I will follow, but others, I'm like this is hogwash and to heck with it!!! This is my 2nd marriage (the first was just a courthouse wedding) and I have 3 children (2 by FI). When I saw in the etiquette rules that a 2nd time bride is not supposed to wear a veil or pick a tiara or any type of headwear, I just threw up my hands and said forget that!!! This is my 1st wedding where I actually get to wear a wedding dress (I wore a white pant suit at my 1st wedding). Im going to do what I want!!! Ladies what rules can you not stand or are doing away with??
@lindseyl06: i was reading through wedding ettiquette rules today at work, i already have a child from a pervious relationship and i will be wearing white, i will where a headdress of some sort. i will pretty much do as i please as long as i don't offend any religious rules as i am marring in a catholic church and i'm not a catholic fi is. i am very respectful in that way. i think everything else is upto the couple as long as it's tasteful
We're wearing more formal attire than a daylight ceremony should allow for.
Our guests will have the option of drinking beer from bottles. My mom was pretty appalled by that idea, don't ask me where that came from.
I'm wearing white, even though all my guests know I'm not a virgin (I have a child). Oh well, I think everyone deserves a chance to wear the white dress and have the whole shebang. I'm usually a stickler for etiquette, but this I could really care less about.
We're requesting phone call or email/website RSVPs instead of doing response cards, because... I like trees, and everyone we've invited uses email.
A girl on this board pretty much went out of her gourd when I posted about this a while back - but - ummm - I don't care. Like, at all.
:P
We're hardly giving plus ones because we can't hold people. We know it's rude. We don't care. :)
I know I will be slaughtered at the stake for saying this, but its MY WEDDING (not yours) and we want to have a good time party atmosphere without spending my life savings.......
We are doing a one hour open bar, then its cash bar afterwards.
@mandypop: That's totally NOT an etiquette no-no. In fact, I think response cards were etiquette faux pas when they were first introduced!
I probably wont' do this but something inside me wants to skip the table-hopping during dinner. As a wedding guest, I always always make a point to seek out the bride and groom to greet them and offer congrats. I feel it saves them a trip. I honestly think guests should do the same, though I know it's "right" for FI and I to make our rounds to them. I want to enjoy the reception and don't want to spend it making small talk with hundreds of people!! We're going to make it quick no matter what...I am not missing out on dancing w/ friends and family. I am a little bitter about likely not getting to fully enjoy the five-star meal we're providing for our guests though...
@mandypop: I am doing the same thing. Do not feel like you are obligated to send a response card. I feel as if when etiquette rules were written, everyone was at a better state in times, not a recession like we are in now. I cannot afford to buy invites, THEN buy stamps to put on the invites, THEN buy response cards AND THEN buy stamps for that. That is rediculous!!! Im sorry if I offend but if someone REALLY has a problem with this, you tell them that you would be more than happy to allow them to pay for what they feel is "necessary". Dont forget ladies, wedding industry equals money.
@LovebirdsSC: I'm with you on this. And I am a crazy stickler for etiquette (some of these things here make my skin crawl and I'm still doing this!) I'm learning that it's ok for us to all do things differently :)
Oh boy, where do I start?
Registry card included in the invites (I had no clue that was a no-no before I got on this board, almost 100% of weddings I've been to include it)
Email/phone RSVP - no response cards
Beer/wine only, rest was cash
Didn't do the table hopping. I nixed this after my BFF's wedding. She spent the whole night talking to people they barely knew, and had very little time to actually enjoy her reception. So no, we didn't do the table to table as a conscious effort. Everyone was pretty much on the dance floor all night anyway, so it worked out. I think though, between the two of us, we did make it to most of the tables. I remember going and talking to several people because I wanted to. And obviously the elderly relatives got a visit.
Like a PP, I always make an effort to go find the bride and groom anyway.
@lindseyl06: yup, I saved about $250 nixing all that stuff. $250 that I could put toward our awesome DJ, great venue, delicous cake - things guests will actually notice :)
We're having a cash bar. Sorry, but it's either a cash bar or no bar. So sue me.
Honestly I read some of those had a good laugh and moved on, some of them seem idiotic, petty, and outdated to me. The bride’s parents paying for the wedding, stupid things about the bridal party, mother of groom not allowed to buy a dress until after mother of bride does.
Then I reading something more recent on another wedding website, like how un classy it was for the bride shaking her butt on the dance floor to Brittany spears, like oh how dare she like dancing and having fun at her wedding, the person complaining about the tacky people who dared to have props at their photo booth that people took on the dace floor, she was sure her wedding photos were going to look like a frat party,
Anyways basically I'm giving the finger to all sorts of rules, traditions and etiquette anyone who doesn't like it can see their way out of my reception.
@mandypop: i'm doing phone call or text rsvp's i know my family well enough to know they'd only text me anyway if i sent the cards. i've also purchased recycled paper for my invites and recycled paper envelopes.
@itshouldsnow: Im not giving a plus one to single people (those who dont have a SO). My venue is an all inclusive venue and the package I signed for was for 50 guests, and Im going to try and do my best to keep close to that number. If I do go over 50, I will have to pay $15 extra pp not including taxes. No thank you!
@hisgoosiegirl: What did you do instead of the table-hopping? I'd love to know an alternate way to approach this, because I'll be damned if I'm getting roped into conversations with people all night long when I want to dance and drink! Luckily sooo much of our guest list is my family. But still, I just think they should come to us!! I guess this would be the reason receiving lines could be helpful, but...definitely not doing that.
We're inviting some kids and leaving out others. 
Oh the horror!! We're only inviting OOT kids (which is two 7 year olds and a 14 year old) and the flower girl. FI's monster little cousins aren't invited and we don't care if his family doesn't like it.
@Ms. Meowerson: Oh yeah!
We printed the invites ourselves and used *gasp* clear labels for mailing. Sorry, but I love no one enough to write and rewrite that many envelopes, because I would have made many, many mistakes. And DH has chicken scratch, so it would have been all me.
We got several compliments on our invites, so I guess they turned out ok ;)
@LovebirdsSC: my whole bar will be cash except drinks with the meal. i'm not sure open bars are that popular in the uk anyways
@TwoCityBride: Amen, Im with this, exceptions for religious matters however. I really do feel as if the rules are outdated.
I'm wearing white and yep I have a kiddo. Other than that nothing I can think of. My Mom would have my head if I didn't follow etiquette and I'd be too embarassed not to as well.
I'm doing some of the things other girls are doing, like adult only on invites, bottled beer, I'm wearing white (even though I have no kids I'm sure no one assumes I'm pure), but the biggest *gasp* moment is I'm having a cookie bake off for guest that want to participate. Believe it or not some of my guest are pretty excited about it. We are tasting the cookies and picking a winner instead of cutting a cake. Before you all lay into me about my tackiness, I want to let you know that we ARE buying and providing dessert on top of it.
@Fall_In_Love22: we're doing the same thing!! I am unabashadley inviting some kids and not inviting others (very few, actually. there are only 3 kids under 12 that are getting an invite)....regardless of whether or not they are OOT or if they are under a certain age. I'll be honest...some of my cousins kids I like....and others are pure terrors. Surely their parents have picked up on that, right?
@knvprincess143: I thing that sounds like a really cute and original thing to do!! How fun!! I love to bake and if I were invited to that wedding, I'd be excited...I wouldn't think anything negative of it at all!!
@akp0702: We ate dinner with our guests. I think it is silly for the bride and groom to go without a meal. Besides that, when I'm eating my dinner, I'd rather not stop to chat with the couple whille my entree gets cold.They paid a lot of money for that entree, and it should be enjoyed at its' best. We circulated during the evening when it was logical to do so. If we were in one corner of the room when a dance ended , we personally thanked those people for coming to the wedding. By the end of the evening we had talked with everyone. We did make a special point of meeting with the grandparents early in the evening.
We addressed our invitations to "John and Jane Smith" instead of the whole "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" - my mom just about had a heart attack but I don't think anyone noticed or cared.
@akp0702: we had a receiving line at the church, so we saw everyone there. Otherwise, if there was a break in the dancing or I needed a break, I'd go chat with some of the people who weren't dancing - especially those who didn't make it to the ceremony
. But it was really a fairly small percentage of people that didn't end up on the dance floor - our dj was really great and got the majority of our parents' friends out on the floor.
second wedding, I'm over 40 and I'm wearing a white wedding dress. So there! :-)
(and then I'm changing into a white reception dress)
@julies1949: The only issue is that we've been told during the seated dinner is probably the easiet and quickest way to do the greetings because everyone is seated and in one place. I was hoping we could to a quick pass-through while they were eating and then eat ourselves, but honsetly the whole thing just sort of annoys me, because FI and I do make such a concerted effort to not have brides and grooms come find us at weddings.
@akp0702: I caught some serious flack for it when I posted about it a few months ago. I thought oh well, FI likes the idea so we are doing it.
Check out what people said...
@akp0702: and actually, the one wedding I can think of off the top of my head, where the couple purposely went table to table......it was very awkward. We are table 2983448 and you could tell it had become somewhat rote for them and even though they were cousins of DH's that we normally talk to easily, the whole thing was very stilted and forced. And it felt like they were on a timer, when our 45 seconds were up, they moved on.
So I was really glad we didn't do that afterward. I think ours felt very natural and I know I ended up talking for several minutes or actually having a real conversation with the people I stopped to chat with.
@knvprincess143: omg!! I seriously love it. Screw convention and negative opinions!! Girl, I'm not even invited and I'm brainstorming my favorite cookie recipes I'd bring to a wedding with an event like this!! Your guests will always remember that. If you have friends and relatives that like to bake/cook/feed others like I do, they will be ALL over it and very enthusiastic to boot!! I think it's an awesome idea!
@julies1949: i'm confussed about the ettiquette not to eat with guests.... i think it's bizzare, i've never been to a wedding where the bride and groom didn't eat with guests. might not be the done thing in the uk i suppose.
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