For richer or poorer? Should I postpone due to lack of financial stability?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016


Tori1987:  Since you have financial help from your parents I don’t see why you can’t go ahead and get married.  It might be years until you reach what you would consider “financial stability”.  I would only caution against starting a family until you are more financially stable.  But I don’t see anything wrong with getting married. 

Post # 3
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Tori1987:  It all depends if you can wait for more financial stability or not. Financial problems are a common source of stress in marriages. 

My husband lost his job in 2008 when the recession hit. We still got engaged and we eloped because we didn’t want to be engaged for years. Now that we are doing better and he is working again, we are planning a vow renewal for our fifth. 

Post # 4
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Be financially responsible by eloping or having a small budget wedding and asking your parents if you can save some of the money they’re giving you for a downpayment on a house (or a rainy day.)  There is nothing wrong with starting out a marriage with little savings, couples do it every day.  the unemployment issue is a bit concerning but there are a lot of us out there in our generation unemployed or underemployed, so does that mean that life completely stops for us?  What if you’re still not in better in better financial position next year?  Does that mean you’ll have to wait another year?

If eloping or having a smaller wedding doesn’t appeal to you then yes, you need to postpone your wedding until you’re in a better financial situation.

Post # 5
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would not be comfortable being married unless I was certain we could get by without accepting financial help from family (aside for help with wedding expenses). If he has no income, do you have enough to support you both?

Post # 6
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

He has a “field” he’s qualified to work in and you’re in graduate school. Obviously the economy is harsh right now but it seems like you two have put yourselves in a good position to do well once jobs are more available. As long as his unemployment doesn’t concern you regarding his work ethic or priorities on a personal level, I see nothing wrong with getting married now.

Post # 7
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I would marry a guy if we were financially tight at the time, and were both working as a unified front to get ourselves to a better place. I would not get married if my partner was perfectly content to be jobless and was not contributing to the household in other ways, was financially irresponsible when he did have money, or was otherwise not pulling his weight.

Based only on what you posted here, it sounds like your FI is actively trying to get a job and the circumstances of the economy and such are getting in his way. Unless there are other financial issues you are not mentioning, I would not let a bad economy stand between me and committing myself to my partner in life.

FWIW, Meg over at APW has written a fair amount about commiting yourselves to each other even when you don;t have 2 pennies to rub together. Adversity can be a growth experience for a couple if you approach it with the right attitude. You can use it to grow closer together, and that can be a very good thing.

Post # 8
2878 posts
Sugar bee

My Fi doesn’t have a job currently, he left his to attend college full time to get a bachelor’s degree, a decision we both agreed on because we both thought it would pay off in the long run ; also, my FI has wanted a career change for the past years but didn’t have the motivation to. Falling in love with me made him want to get a better, more stable job with benefits for both of us to enjoy. I fully support him, he pays his share of our living costs with his student loans, leaving me pretty much alone to finance the wedding. My goal is also, once I get a job in a few months, to relieve him from some costs in order for him not to get too much debts. I wouldn’t wait to get married, I would marry him tomorrow if I could. I fully trust him and I see how hard he works on his degree. And he still helps me with chores. We are a team, and our efforts are mutual, aimed toward a common goal.

I’d like if we both had a better income before getting married of course, but I remind myself that it’s only temporary – just like your situation with your FI currently is. He will find a job in his field eventually, and so will you. If your goals are similar and you are ready to work as a team, I see no problem with getting married, especially if you’re lucky enough that your parents are able to foot the bill. 

Post # 9
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

He can’t get a job “in his field” but can he find another job in a different field? Has he looked at other fields or is he only willing to accept something in his field? The answer to that question would probably affect my decision to marry him.

If he truly can’t find a job in ANY field and we could still afford to live on our own, I would get married. I would not get married if we had to live with our parents or take money from our parents to get by. 

Post # 10
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Plenty of broke people get married all the time! If you trust this man and are both working towards a more stable future, I say marry him. 

Post # 11
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Tori1987:  The way I see it is, there is no guarantee you are going to have financial stability throughout your marriage.  So, whether you get married now, or later doesn’t seem to make a difference (knowing that you have financial support for the wedding).  When my husband and I got married, we both had jobs, money in the bank and things were good.  Fast forward several years, and right after we moved into a bigger (more expensive) home, that we could afford, he ended up being unemployed for a year, I had to take a huge paycut and all of the sudden our “financial security” went out the door.  Point is, if you know your FI is the one you are going to be with, through thick and thin, then marry him in the timeline you guys want.  Because we all know that no marriage/relationship is immune from financial hardship.

Post # 12
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My personal preference is I will not get married until we are financially stable.  From what I can tell, finance is a key factor for divorce. Starting a new family is hard to begin with (i.e. adjusting to each other living habits etc.) and with finance burden on top of it, will make the journey even harder. 

FI currently has a job but he wants to quit this job (stated for 4 monhs only), even that I asked him does he want to push the wedding day to next year.. but he insisted to continues.  For our case, I don’t mind to go ahead as I have a cushion job (work for the government), so even if he out of job for 6months to a year, if we really watch our expenses, we can still survive. However, if I do not have my cushion job to begin with, I will not get marry until we are both financially stable. 

Post # 13
357 posts
Helper bee

Why can’t you get married in a small ceremony, perhaps just your parents/immediate family and have a small dinner/gathering after?  There is no need to have a big fancy wedding, and you could always have a larger celebration down the road when you are both  financially stable.   

Post # 14
602 posts
Busy bee

I would absolutely postpone until I was financially stable. Entering into marriage with ZERO marital income doesn’t seem like a very good idea. 

Post # 15
6664 posts
Bee Keeper

Financial independence of a couple was a very important condition of marriage for me. I would not have gotten married , nor would my family have supported my decision to marry until we were able to consistently  pay our own bills.   I wouldn’t feel right if there were a high chance that we would soon have to fall back on or move in with either set of parents.  I would have felt that is putting them in a burdensome and unfair  position. Yes, setbacks happen in life, and those aren’t always predictable.  But I would not choose to start out in life this way.  YMMV. 

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