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So we were at our first planning meeting with our venue/DOC and they brought up the question of whether we'd be having a money dance or not. I was staunchly against it. I'm shy and self conscious about dancing at all in public. Also, so many Bees have convinced me that it's often viewed as tacky. Plus, it could be humiliating. What if only three people participate? I would leave my own wedding out of mortification if that happened. Anyway, after I stated how I felt, our coordinator told us that many guests don't give presents or cards with money anymore. They will instead bring cash for the money dance. She pointed out that skipping out on the money dance could mean eliminating the way many people choose to gift us. Personally, I'd rather get no presents at all than do a money dance. It terrifies me THAT much. But I thought that maybe this could have happened to some of you Bees. Has anyone else ever heard this? Did any of you ladies who received a low number of presents forego the money dance?
I'd never even heard of the dance before coming to this board. I'd pass personally.
I've never heard of someone not giving a gift because they were counting on a money dance.
She pointed out that skipping out on the money dance could mean eliminating the way many people choose to gift us.
MOST?!? Where is your planner from?
The money dance is tied to regions and some cultures. I have never seen a SoCal bride on these boards talk about the money dance. I do not think it is common in your area.
ETA: I have seen brides with roots in Southeast Asia and Eastern Europe (esp Poland) talk about money dances on these boards. I've also seen it discussed by people in the upper mid-west and parts of PA and NY.
I've never been to a wedding where there is a "money dance" nor have I ever even heard of it before now (I had to google it to see what it was!). I would be mortified if I ever saw it, and would honestly want to take back whatever gift I had given.
Where DH is from, they do a Polish dollar dance. We actually do give a tad less in money (like if we were giving $200, we write a check for $160) and then DH and I each put $20 in the dollar dance bag.
BUT to do this with the intention to get money is tacky. What DH's family/region do is more culture based.
I've photographed a few of these before, they seem to be common in this area because I was just at a wedding last week and they did this.
Personally, I strongly dislike this idea and would pass pass pass on it.
Well, let me tell you that I never heard of a money dance, and that shouldn't be in a wedding... maybe a stag or a shower. I don't know where the coordinator got his/her information but I certainbly wouldn't bring money to the wedding for a money dance! Sounds like a strip club... YUCK! So tacky!
We did not do a wedding dance and I've never heard of someone forgoing a wedding present and planning to give money at the wedding with the dance.
I do think it's becoming less common to bring a present to the wedding, since online buying and shipping usually make it easier for the couple (instead of transporting guests after the event).
We had people coming up to us, waving money, asking if we were going to do a money dance. I think people are happy to gift the couple with extra cash, but I wouldn't think it's in lieu of a present!
FWIW, I've never been to a wedding with a dollar dance. I'd never heard of it before planning.
And I'm right there with you based on the fact that I'd find it mortifying. If your guests intend to bring cash as a wedding gift, they'll give it to you or put the card in the card box.
We probably received gifts from about 80% of the attendees. If the rest were banking on the money dance, they missed out. And I lucked out, because those were NOT the people I wanted to pay to dance with me. LOL.
Totally don't miss not doing a money dance, don't regret it at all and didn't even think about it day of! If you're not comfortable with it, just say NO! :)
I'm not sure where the coordinator is from... I'm assuming she's from SoCal. I've only been to one wedding with a money dance and it was a couple from the Phillipines.
I'm from the upper midwest (Wisconsin) and I'd never heard of a money dance until I came here. I'm with you - I would never do it and I would never bring money for it if I were attending a wedding. Unless it's common in your area, your culture, or your family, I wouldn't even consider it.
It sounds a bit like your coordinator might be misinformed, or at least trying to (or maybe unintentionally) leading you astray. I think it's probably a regional tradition, and maybe even an economical decision, but I had never heard of or been to a wedding with a money or "dollar dance" until last October and FI and I did not particiapte...it was a little off-putting. I think it often comes off as rude and entitled, as the wedding we went to that did the dollar dance was held five hours away from our city, we had to pay for three nights in a hotel, they asked me to do them the favor of being their informal coordinator, and then gave me no preparation, pay for our own rehearsal dinner meal, and then they offered light hors d'oeuvres and no alcohol at the reception. Maybe under different circumstances we would have participated, but giving cash to this couple to take on their cruise the next day was not something we wanted to be a part of. I personally would never do one, I really think they are tacky and in bad taste. They really are not popular in my area, or at least not in the realm of family and friends myself and FI have. I highly doubt people bring cash in lieu of gifts with the intention of giving to during a two-minute dance with the bride or groom. Just my two cents.
I've heard of it(from the midwest)...but in the south(where I live now) it is uncommon unless you are from a different culture(asia, mexico, europe). We thought about doing it because it is common where my family is from, but fiance was afraid how his family would react-so we are not doing it. I also think it is kind of dated, a lot of people did these in the 90's.
About the gift thing, I could kinda see how they might put "less" money into a card or gift, if they were planning on the money dance. BUT I think you will still get plenty of gifts-the idea of this resulting in no gifts is crazy
Even if money dances were common and people did expect you to have one, you STILL shouldn't have one because it clearly makes you very, very uncomfortable. Just tell your coordinator "thanks, but no thanks".
BTW I'm not trying to get off topic, but dollar dances can be a ton of fun! It's a dance the entire wedding guests participate in. And is soo much fun! Everyone takes shots of Jack Daniels/Schnapps before they join in and it's great. Honestly you don't get much money (I'm sorry, but a dollar is nothing. Maybe it was a lot 100 years ago, but today it's worthless).
Whether or not we were having a dollar dance was the #1 topic amongst DH's older relatives before the wedding. It was just expected of me to incorporate their culture (Polish) into my wedding.
I explained it to my friends and told them not to think it was tacky, etc. No one complained and about 90% of the wedding guests joined in.
I'm forwarding this page to my coordinator :) I wouldn't want some well-intentioned but ill-advised bride to end up offending her guests because of this. I thought it could potentially solve the present mystery! Oh well :)
But if you're doing it for the money, let me tell you, we didn't get much money.
I'm not a huge fan and don't participate, but I've been to several weddings that have done it. And they pay $1 to dance with the bride/groom. Not exactly an extravagant wedding gift. I think your planner is waaaaaaaaaay wrong on this.
If you want to do it, do it, but I can pretty much guarantee that's not what people would consider their 'gift' to you.
i dont like the money dance. we do it in my culture. i feel the same way--what if only one person dances with me :)!
also same w/the comments above--most people dont tack on tons of cash on the bride. it's usually spare bills like $1...which is another issue i have with it. if you want to dance with me, it better be way more than a buck!
if your coordinator insists that guests have only cash----why dont you set up a card box thing
I think your coordinator is mistaken -- I doubt that people are planning to give the majority of their gifts like this. However, just a voice defending the dollar dance. I am a PA bride, and about 50/50 of the weddings I've been to have had one. It really is only spare bills -- you're not shaking people down. And as a guest who has participated, it's really nice to have a minute or two alone with the bride or the groom to talk to them, wish them well, tell them how nice everything was, etc. It's not about the money.
Is it a regional thing?
I'm from NYC and have attended 25+ weddings. I've never ever been to a wedding where a "dollar dance" took place!
I have never seen one or heard of it before these boards. Honestly, perhaps she just wants to avoid someone swiping cards and money off your gift table, and the best way to do so is for guests to put the money right in your hands? Who knows.
We nixed the money dance out of the same fears you're having...I knew most of my family would not be able to participate and rather than offend anyone or embarass anyone we didn't do it....and I am latina by the way and it is common practice in our culture for money dance.
That is so weird. I mean, SO WEIRD. That is so weird, that it almost sounds to me like your coordinator is preparing you to not receive many cards/gifts... like... maybe she knows a certain reason that there won't be many cards there? hmm... If I were you, I would be so seriously suspicious, I would definitely assign a VERY good friend to keep a VERY close eye on the card box!
I have never atteneded weddings with a money dance. I think I've seen it once on Four weddings.
I have no clue what your DOC is talking about. If you don't want to do it. Don't.
Um...I guess dollar dances are fairly common where I come from, but I give, like, a couple bucks, not like a gift ammount. I feel like that is b.s.
@joy2011: Oooh, interesting point!
I, too, think what your DC said is a huge load of crap. I'd never heard of a money dance until the Bee, and I've certainly never seen one in action.
Tell you what, ask 5 close friends/family members who you'e inviting to your wedding and see what they think. See if they had been expecting you to have a money dance, or if they even know what one is!
And definitely keep an eye on that card box!!!!!
I think your coordinator might be a bit out of touch with things....
OP I have never seen one, only heard about it here. And I would likely not participate if there was one.
So I'm from central California and let me just say that the dollar dance is something that I see at every wedding I've gone to or heard about in the area. Now I'm not saying that there isn't a tacky factor to the whole thing but it's seen as traditional in some areas. Honestly it is usually just spare dollars but when I was talking to my family and my FI family they were adamant about the dollar dance. However, I'm still not sure if I will have one since it's ultimately my decision.
As some people stated in can be a lot of fun; when it's the right crowd. My close friend had one and there were two lines, one to dance with the bride and the other for the groom and I decided that I would go in the brides line even though everyone in that line was male. When it came to my turn my friend and I laughed so hard while dancing it was great plus we got some hilarious pictures that we both loved!
In my experience it has been that the dollar dance is for money to be spent towards a honeymoon since that's typically the last finance on the list and a lot of guests like to help out in seeing if they have any spare dollars in their wallets. However, my advice on the subject though is that if it isn't traditional for the people you are inviting it's probably best to forego since it will be more than likely seen as simply tacky.
If you are not into it, then don't do it - it's your wedding! It's not for me personally either but I really think that the only people who find them tacky simply didn't grow up with the concept.
Anyway your DOC sounds ridiculous. I have never heard of the money dance as a replacement for a wedding gift. When my parents and aunts & uncles got married in SoCal in the 70s & early 80s, they did the dollar dance just as all their friends did. I have also been to a few weddings more recently in upstate New York that did them. In every case, people typically gave $1-$5 - not exactly a "wedding gift". Maybe it's different in other areas but I think you should ask some friends/family what their experience has been. But she sounds way off base to me and I agree with others to watch your card box!
Are money dances normal in your circle? Well, either way, if you dont want to do one, dont! I've never heard of subbing a gift for the money dance. Normally I see people give 1 or 5, maybe 10 for money dance, and a couple drunk crazy guys going for a 20. That's hardly reason not to still give a gift imo. I've never heard of holding back on a gift to do the money dance either. I agree with keep and eye on your cards!
first off, i do not believe that a money dance is tacky. it is a tradition in many many cultures. no one in my extended family (or my husbands) thought it was tacky. every wedding ive been to in my entire life has had a money dance, so i definitely get offended when people say it's "tacky" (however, i'm sure its just because they're not familiar with it in their culture). that being said, it's your day so if you don't want it, then definitely don't do it.
wow. Sounds like your co-ordinator needs to come into the 21st century (just kidding). I haven't even seen a money dance since I stood up in a wedding in 1990
I am a born, raised and still SoCal woman. The last money dance I saw at a wedding was in the 1980's. Don't do it.
($20 says your wedding coordinator is over the age of 40...)
I also have never heard of that, we don't do that around here :)
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