(Closed) For the childless, why?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Why did you or your partner decide not to have kids?
    I don't like kids : (39 votes)
    18 %
    Kids take too much energy : (39 votes)
    18 %
    Kids take too much time : (44 votes)
    21 %
    Kids are too expensive : (42 votes)
    20 %
    My or my partner's health doesn't permit it : (5 votes)
    2 %
    I wanted them, but never met the right person in time : (3 votes)
    1 %
    I wanted them, but wasn't able to conceive : (1 votes)
    0 %
    I wanted them, but I was worried about my/my partner's genetic history : (5 votes)
    2 %
    I wanted to do other activities (e.g. travel) : (36 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’ll answer even though we are planning to have a child someday.

    Frankly, I don’t like kids. Never have and probably never will. I’ll love my child but to be honest, I just can’t stand anyone elses.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4313 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Right now, we’re not PLANNING to have a kid.  I can honestly say at 29, I just don’t feel “it”.  Haven’t had the urge.  I don’t know, somehow I think I’ll end up drunk at the wrong time and conceive lol.  I just hope I learn to love what’s happening, because right now, all I think of about how my life will be totally over.  And I need to be selfless to have a kid – not SELFISH.

    Post # 6
    Member
    281 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    My husband and I are still deciding, but if we don’t have kids it will be because it would be too difficult for me to go off my medications in order to concieve and carry a child (I have RA, among other things).  Actually, I could go off them, but I doubt I’d be terribly mobile and am afraid I wouldn’t be able to work, which we can’t afford.  We’re trying to find a way, but it’s not looking promising. We’ll just have to shower our neices with lots of extra love. 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It’s important to my fiancé that we have a family. I’ve agreed to have one kid but thats where I draw the line.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m young enough that maybe someday we’ll change our minds (late twenties), but I’m pretty firmly in the no-kids camp and checked a whole bunch of reasons.  I’m not that into kids (I don’t hate them, but I’m not crazy about them either), and don’t like spending more than a tiny bit of time around them.

    I also recognize it’s a HUGE sacrifice of time/money/energy/life plans and it’s not worth it to me.  Not even close.  If I were with a partner I loved who really, really wanted kids and was willing to take on a lot of the responsibilities I’d make it work.  But both my fiance and I have trouble envisioning him doing his share of the child-rearing, but we also have trouble envisioning me doing much of it.

    I’ve also always felt like having children was not the right path for me.  The same way other women feel a calling to be a mother… I feel a calling in the other direction and that being a parent is not for me.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    For a long time now I have wanted to start a thread asking people why they WANT to HAVE kids.  I am serious.  I want to know the honest truth.  Or rather, why they do have them.  This might sound horribly cynical, but everyone I know that is my age that has had children- they have been accidents. 

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    2289 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    My husband and I are still on the fence about it. Actually, I am on the fence, my husband really wants them and considers himself a “father in waiting”. I currently don’t want them at all but figure he does and we should make it work. I just….don’t think I can be the kind of parent that I would want my kids to have. I can’t stand the crying, the whining, the blah blah blah. I dunno. I may wake up in a year or two and think “I’d love to have a kid” but now? No frickin way.  

    Plus, most of the people that I know that have kids complain about them constantly. Oh yeah. Sign me up.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @cbee:

    Go for it. I’ll start thinking now of how I can eloquently phrase why I want kids.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3788 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I’ll answer even though I plan to have kids just because I really don’t want kids — I want adult offspring. I will suffer through children to have a *family*. I hear it’s not so bad once they’re your own anyway. The reasons I don’t really want kids are the obvious drain on finances and attention and I just don’t really “do” kids. I get anxious that they’re going to hurt themselves, and I don’t really understand childlikeness. I don’t really play. Even when I was a kid, I was called old for my age. I fear I can’t relate and generally won’t be a good parent. So if I were planning to stay single or something, I would definitely not have kids. But I do want a family in that I don’t want to be old and alone. I want to focus joy on my adult children and their weddings and their lives and their graduations. I am sure I’ll be fond of the little buggers as children, too, but it is darn scary.

    This would answer both kinds of threads, too. 😉

    Post # 13
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Also, we would like to have kids and would be happy if we did not- we would be happy equally either way- but we are planning on having them in several years.  I can see good things about having them and good things about not having them. 

    Right now I would like to finish a terminal degree (MFA), possibly live abroad first.  It would be nice if we lived in a better neighborhood and he had a better job.  Plus, we just got married at the end of July. 

    One other thing- we have no family for support.  I think this makes a big difference.  (Maybe something that OP hadn’t considered?)  For me, I think it would be SO MUCH easier in a million ways if I had family around to help, support, or watch the kids and be a part of their lives.  I think that makes a big difference, and maybe others who don’t have kids yet are in a similar situation.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @cbee:  I like this idea.

    Though I’ve also been known to ask people when they realized they were attracted to the opposite sex, so I’m all about re-examining preconceived notions.  Or just asking annoying questions.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3525 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I prefer the term “child-free” personally.

    1) My health does not permit biological kids; I’m not infertile, but there are other issues that would need to be taken care of first, and frankly, we’re not willing to put that much effort into having a kid.

    2) Too expensive and time/energy-consuming, at least at the moment.

    3) We might adopt or foster someday because we want to help older children who need good homes, but neither of us really like babies or toddlers that much.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    @cbee: I want them, because I can’t imagine my life without them. Which sounds weird, since we don’t have kids yet. But I have never considered NOT having children. Ever since I was young I have always known I want 2-3 kids. We are not ready for them now but hopefully will be in 3 or 4 years.

    My FSIL and her boyfriend don’t want children. They have amazing careers and a beautiful home. They go on fantastic vacations and live just a fabulous lifestyle. They are open with the fact that they don’t want things to change and they have no desire for kids. More power to em!

    The topic ‘For the childless, why?’ is closed to new replies.

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