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The boy and I have been living together for four years.
Sometimes, when I can stop thining about the wedding and start thinking about the actual marriage, I realize that not much will change for us after the wedding.
Our relationship will be official in the eyes of the government, but beyond that, our day to day lives will be pretty much the same. We're already 100% committed to each other now, so it's not like we'll be more committed after the wedding.
So really, getting married won't change our life too much, beyond little things like health insurance and taxes. Still, I'm excited to make it official.
For those of you who live with your fiance before the wedding, will your day-to-day life change afterwards?
Not much has really changed since we got married. Just sort of a feeling that we have a responsibility to and for eachother now. But nothing in our day-to-day lives has changed other than saying husband/wife.
I'm thinking the same thing you're thinking! I can't imagine how things will change day-to-day after we're married. I guess we'll find out! Seems to me like the only thing changing is my last name
We're on the same wave length. I don't really think much will change.
We've been living together for 5 years, so I suspect little will change on the homefront, but we do expect little changes like taxes, calling each other husband and wife, etc... Really the marriage is just there to seal the committment we already have for each other.
We'll actually have money again. I'm looking forward to that. Otherwise, I don't see a whole lot changing. We've been living together for 6 of the 7 years we've been together, so it's all old hat. :-)
Not much! Besides the inevitable long process of changing names. And -powersthatbewilling- start a family. :)
I have to agree with you all. I also think it's just the knowing we are officially a married couple, he will be my husband and I'll have a new name is about all. We already feel like we are a married couple, but since we haven't had the traditional ceremony and paperwork it will feel even more in place. I don't know, I guess it's a little hard to explain. I just know I'll love it!
Haha, ditto! Nothing will really change..I'm already on his health insurance. so I guess just taxes!
We've only been living together since November so we are still adjusting. We still need work out the bank accounts/money type things. Other then that though I don't think much more will change.
we've only been living together since august 2009, but already, i feel like we are like all you bees above... married... LOL.
i concur with the majority... nothing will change besides calling each other husband/wife, changing my last name, and doing our taxes together next year!
i think the wedding day will make things "official," but we're already committed in our day to day lives... all i know is that we're gona be crazy busy with work and grad school... that time is going to FLY BY before and after the wedding.
I have thought about this too. My FI and I have been living together for almost 6 years. I'm not sure that much will change, as far as the dynamics of our relationship goes. I think the only thing that will really change is his insurance, which will be mine. And, shortly after the wedding we'll be moving to another state (yikes).
i thought the same thing, that nothing would change. but there really is a feeling, not something you can explain.
and for me, i had major baby fever. we were just waiting for the wedding to be able to start ttc, and i really didn't care too much about the wedding. now i get to get to the good stuff.
Pretty much riding the boat with the majority of you gals - - I'll become Mrs and 'wife' and there you have it....I hope he doesn't go back to flossing in bed, that a gnarly habit he broke real fast once we moved in together, HAAHAAHAAHAAH
I actually filled out our census form yesterday and I had to choose "unmarried partner" for our relationship. So I guess in another ten years I'll be able to choose husband/wife!
"now i get to get to the good stuff."
Totally agree! We feel like we've been waiting for years for this! Haha.
We'll be dating for almost 10 years when we get married and living together for 7 years, combined everything for almost 5 years. We feel more "married" than most married couples we know. But you're right in that I'm sure there will be that "giddy" I can't believe we're finally married feeling!
@ Miss Holly!
I was contemplating that! But I thought that would be for gay couples. So I picked married and wrote next to it Fiance. Hehe. I mean we will be married in four months!
I dunno, the name change and health insurance things are big to me, because both will have a pretty intense impact on how I live day-to-day. There are a number of health issues I've had to let go because my awful coverage can't get me the care I need, and his better insurance will go a long way toward improving quality of life.
It's also weird to me that I will, when I finally go back to school (again) in a year, have friends who have only ever known me as a married person. Same for FI.
Second Adeline. I look forward to having more money!
I think day to day, life won't be very different. I'll still spend most of my time at work. We will still rarely eat at home. The dog will still be the number 1 thing we discuss (so sad, so true).
I think the first time it will really, really matter is when we have our first fight as a married couple. We don't fight often, maybe twice a year, but we have blow-outs when we do. I'll be interested in how it feels when the angry brain remembers that, you in this for life now.
The things that made me want to get married (I'd previously been on the fence about it) were 1) legal and 2) the desire to stand in front of the VIPs in my life and say "this one." I think it is transformative to publicly make that commitment.
We have been together for six years, living together for five. I don't think that anything will change really, except that we will be able to enjoy living again because we won't have this stupid wedding to plan anymore! But really, it will the first time that we haven't had school or wedding planning since we have been together. I feel like we will finally be able to just work, relax and enjoy being together.
I think our changes will be: my name change, no longer writing FH "rent" checks, adding him to my auto insurance, being added to the deed to his (our) house, and me getting to do the renovations I want (so long "veto power"!)!
Oh, and everyone asking when we're going to start popping out gigantic babies (we're both, um, not short).
we've been together for 11.. living together for 3 by the time we get married. I don't see alot changing except joint bank accounts and he'll be out of school! woo hoo!
The only difference will be is if i get pregnant I will say yay instead of oh crap!!!! We will be together 7 years before we actually get married. We will have lived together for 6 1/2!
The only differnce now is that I do his laundry and he takes out the trash :) Our chore trade-off!!
Not a whole lot changed for us either. For me, I did feel slightly more entitled. Before, even though we were completely committed I was more inclined to say "do whatever you want." Now that I'm locked in I'm more inclined to think "we need to do this because it's best for our partnership and future." But even that's pretty minimal.
"We" didn't even buy our house (post-wedding). Technically, I bought it because financing worked better that way. We were going to add him to this title until our mortage broker pointed out that if we don't he can buy HIS first house when we're ready to move. So now I tease him about kicking him out of "my" house. :-)
We have been together 1 month short of 3 years, living together about 2 years. I'll be taking his name, and filing for taxes together (I checked "Unmarried partner" on my NYC census form!). Then there will be the whole baby thing...We already have a joint checking account and a joint credit card. I am helping him pay off credit debts from grad school, after which hopefully we can pay off my grad school loans.
According to FH's friend: "Marriage is the same as living together...with better stuff."
We're actually moving in together 2 months before the wedding (we live together now, but we have roommates), so I think all of that excitement will be when that happens. But I think it will be different for me after the wedding knowing that I'm his wife and he's my husband. Also with changing my last name, that will take a little while to settle in, I think. But good stuff, that's for sure!!
@bblove04--- HA!!! I couldn't agree more with that one!!! :]
This isn't a day to day thing, but I have noticed that people address questions and stuff to my husband rather than me. Two examples of where I would've expected to be contacted:
1. When we signed the lease with our new landlords, I gave them my email address. As an after-thought, I added my husband's (they met us both). For some reason, they contact him for everything...both the husband and the wife (we rent a condo from an older couple). They have never called or emailed me...always him. I don't even get cc'd. Even when I called them and left a message for them...they called my husband back, not me.
2. Our new next door neighbors are a couple about our age (mid to late 30s) with two kids. We all met in the hallway one day. The wife decided to invite us over for dinner. And who did she email, you ask? My husband! (She has both our email addresses.) This one seems the strangest to me...
Anyway, I never noticed this before we got married...even though we lived together. Expecially social things...those always came to me!
I'm not offended or anything...it just seems very strange.
we'll officially combine our bank accounts, and then there's taxes, maybe health insurance, my name....it feels different being engaged though than it did just living together, so i assume it'll feel different, in an intangible, hard to describe kind of way! like, even more secure and peaceful.
I think that even though we have been living together things will definitely be different for us. We are both still young and just graduating college, so even though we have been living together since we got engaged our parents still view us as kids (especially FI's parents..). I think after we officially tie the knot it will show our complete independence and be the first sign of our OWN family beginning - and I'm hoping this means that FILs will not feel the need to still be controlling regarding some things. We also just bought our first home and will be moving in around the time of the wedding as well, so that will be another big step for us never experienced before... It just makes everything official even though we are already 100% dedicated to one another - there is something about the term husband and wife that I cannot wait to use! :)
@ Boston@Heart - That is strange! I've gotten that a little bit but it's more with "good ol' boys" and even then it's not that bad. The only one remotely close was when I was primarily buying the house but our realtor frequently called my husband first. Of course, that could have been because they're poker buddies or he wanted him to feel included. :-) Either way, I didn't mind.
I checked spouse on my census form, that's legal since we'll be married before april 1st right?
When I was filling out the census the BF was like see we'll be married by the next census (joking that it is going to take 10 years for us to wed.... no way jose!).
It is hard to say what will change when we get married. We have lived together almost 2 years, dated for 4ish years, and known each other for 9, so I am not expecting drastic changes. I think as soon as we get married we will focus more on saving for a house and have shared finances (we split our bills up now, he pays me because I am a lowly grad student). And once we get a house of our own we will add another fur baby (pug puppy!) since we do not plan on having children.
I think quite a few things will change.
Mainly finances, at the moment we split everything 50/50 were I think my wage will now pay for the house that we buy and his will cover food and spending. Just little differances another thing will be that I wont feel bad for using his credit card. I dont have one and he prefers it that way but I use his when I need to and then I pay him back. I just want one thats OURS rather than his and that Im borrowing.
name change.. Im going to be a 'crane' will i suffer from name jokes? lol
The mail.. addresed to MR and MRS, Im looking forward to that one!
Other than that since he proposed 1st week after moving in together. I think we have tackled the two most stressful things. Moving in and wedding planning all in a year. So marriage seems to be little less daunting.
When I was filling out the census the BF was like see we'll be married by the next census (joking that it is going to take 10 years for us to wed.... no way jose!).
Ha! I made the same joke! I was like: "What do I put? Unmarried Partner? Next time we fill this out we better be married!" and he said: "I can get behind that."
But that's 10 years away and he knows it! Grrr...I hate when he teases.
Anyway--we've been together almost 6 years and living together a little over 2. But in that time we have kept our finances strictly separated. I pay for myself and my bills, he pays for his. We split the rent 50/50. I'm not sure much will change after marriage. We discussed how we'd want to deal with finances and we'd pool a certain percentage of our money into a join account for joint expenses, but we'll maintain separate accounts for discretionary spending.
And I refused point-blank to buy a house without being married so I look forward to starting that process once we're legal.
Other than that--with the day to day stuff I don't think much will change. :)
I think on intangible things will change. I am definetly changing my name, and not looking forward to the process of, but we have had joint finances for a while, have lived together for over two years, I'm on his insurance and we already do our taxes side by side anyways. No baby fever yet for me so the response to family proddings will be the same, we're not ready. No plans to buy a house yet bc I'm going back to grad school. I'm SO afraid I'll slip up and call him my fiance in front of people still, took me a while to get used to fiance instead of boyfriend..hope that doesn't hurt his feelings!
For us, it will only be small things. I'll be changing my name, and I think there will be a certain respect within the families (mostly extended) that we don't necessarily receive right now. But within our own personal relationship, nothing (should) change. We are just as dedicated to each other now as we will be after saying our vows - it is a symbol of our commitment, nothing more in our eyes except for the legalities that come with marriage. We still see ourselves as a family now, have joint finances, etc.
I'm really grateful that we were able to live together before marriage. It's made me feel okay about waiting until 2012 (eek) to get married - if we were living apart, I think I'd go insane!
We lived together on and off for about 3 years, but it was more like being roommates who slept together. I paid my half of the bills, he paid his and we whined when the other didn't clean up their crap. Strangely now that we're married, we're having to change the mindset from mine and yours to ours. So I'm cleaning up a little more of his crap and he's whining less about cleaning up mine. Oh, and now I have health insurance - that's a nice change!
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