Post # 1
When my FI proposed and we started talking about dates I was not really in any rush to get married. I knew we would be having a large wedding (helloooo 250 guests!) and we would want plenty of time to save up. We are planning long distance so the extra time has allowed us to research and meet with vendors even though we are out of the area.
Things have been going along just swimmingly and I have not had a single regret in regards to wedding planning.
Then, a few weeks ago my uncle was diagnosed with a very severe form of cancer. On top of that, my grandfather is 88 years old and I think his age is finally starting to catch up with him. The last time I saw him, he just looked so old… and tired. 🙁 And now I just find myself saying, “Please hold on. Please hold on. Please be there to celebrate this special, special day with us.”
Now Iam just kicking myself for putting the wedding off. We could have easily gotten married this summer or this fall, but I wanted the big wedding. I feel so selfish for even having these thoughts, but I just keep thinking about it…
Blah, there is no point to this post, I just need some hugs today.
Post # 3
*hugs* There are always pros and cons to having a long engagement, a short engagement or anything, really. If you grandfather or your uncle don’t make it to your wedding date, it’s ok because they’ll be there with you in spirit. Life doesn’t pause just because you’re engaged. Remember why you made the decision you did at the time.
Post # 4
HUGS!!!! You can’t control life. You really can’t. So please don’t beat yourself up. Hoping your family stays well….But remember, they only want you happy, so make sure that you show them you’re happy each time you are near them.
Post # 5
Why not have a small wedding now for the family members you fear may not be here in the future, then later on (like when the wedding is originally planned for) have a grand reception with the 250 people. And if your uncle and grandfather are still fortunately able to make it, then great! But if you wait and something happens to them in the meantime, you may be kicking yourself even more than you already are.
Post # 6
@TinyTina: awwwww, I’m sorry, hun! (((HUGS)))
A family member who my FI was close to but didn’t get to see a lot passed away this past year and I was sooooo hoping he’d get to see him at the wedding next year. But it didn’t happen. He couldn’t even go to the funeral 🙁
I’m sooooo sorry you’re going through this.
Maybe, I’m sure it’s not too viable an option, but could you possibly have a small, tiny ceremony with JUST your parents, his parents, and the few people who are ill (your uncle and even your grandfather) before the huge wedding? I know *I* would be giving that some serious thought if I were in your shoes…
Post # 7
((((((((HUGS)))))))). Don’t beat yourself up over this. You had no way to know your uncle would get the diagnosis he did. You were doing the responsible thing by planning your wedding far enough out that you’d be able to save money.
Just because your uncle got a cancer diagnosis and your grandfather is beginning to really show his age doesn’t mean they won’t still be around another year. You may be upsetting yourself needlessly. If their conditions worsen and its very important to you that they see you marry, you always have the option in the future of having a quick JOP ceremony that they can attend and then still having your wedding as planned. I realize that isn’t what you really wanted, but it is an option you can consider in the future if anyone’s condition takes a turn for the worse. The rest of your family/friends will certainly understand and still be just as happy to celebrate with you next summer.
EDIT: You might also want to talk about your wedding to your uncle and grandfather and let them know how important it is to you that they be there. Sometimes when someone who is doing poorly knows there is something important to someone they love, they manage to hold on a bit longer to be there. It’s worth a shot. At worst, even if one or both of them doesn’t live long enough to attend your wedding, you will have at least let them know how much they mean to you and that their presence is important to you.
Post # 8
(((Hugs))) Life always is throwing us curveballs. If it is important for your Grandfather and Uncle to be there, maybe have a small initimate wedding w/ just family and then do the grand reception. You can even re-create the ceremony if you want.
My DH and I were to marry Oct 2011. Although both of his parents were recuperating from illnesses, we knew that it would give us enough time for them be in better health as well as the time to plan the wedding. On 2/14/11, my FIL passed away suddenly. Completely unexpected. We decided @ that moment to get married in July instead. So for the month of March, I planned our 7/7/11 wedding. Although my FIL was there only in spirit, his mother was well enough to attend as well as my 91 yr old Grandmother. Yes, I had to cut the guest list dramatically but we’re planning a backyard bbq in the near future.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Post # 9
Thank you so much for the support ladies. Everything has been happening all at once.. Everyone was happy and healthy and then BAM! It all just kinda hit me in the face.
I have most definitely been considering a JOP ceremony, especially if any of their conditions worsen. I would be so upset if either of them couldn’t be there.
@Neva: That is SO true. My grandfather said to my mom the other day that he just felt so tired and my uncle is just so frustrated with his condition that has basically left him bedridden. I will be seeing them both soon and I will be sure to tell them how much I love them and how grateful I am for every day that I get to spend with them.
Post # 10
@squeak35: and @Zinzerena:I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you both for sharing your stories. *Hugs*
Post # 11
I’m sorry. 🙁
We actually changed our wedding date from late September to April 30 so that my grandpa (diagnosed with ALS) could be there. Then he moved to Florida (from Canada) and was “too sick” to come.
So my recommendation is, just keep the same date, don’t regret it. I think something will always come up that will make you want to move the date closer.
Post # 12
Well, I would weigh which is most important, would you be willing to have a small ceremony sooner that they could more likely be included in, or wait and see (and hope) that they are able to come to the amazing affair you are planning. There are pros and cons to each idea. Though if having these men there is more important, I would agree that people would understand a small ceremony now and then the big celebratory party like you previously had planned later.
Post # 13
Everything will be alright, you need to save for your wedding. I have had 1 family member diagnosed with cancer and another pass away that I dearly wanted at my wedding. But, getting married earlier would have just taken away from the time I could spend with them before I got married. They will be there one way or another, even if it’s not physically.
Post # 14
I thought the same thing when my grandma got sick in 08. We were getting married October 09, and I thought about pushing the wedding up to Oct 08. And you know what? She passed July 08, so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, and it would have added so much more stress.
I know its hard, but you gotta keep plugging along and hope for the best. When its their time, there’s nothing you can do about it. You picked your date for a reason
Post # 15
Oh, and I pushed submit too quickly. ((BIG HUGS)) I know how it is to have unhealthy relatives. And I will tell you something else, we had an old venue that had no elevators, and our ceremony was on the first floor with bathrooms, reception was on second with none. There was no way my Grandma could have gone up and down those steps, so it was good that she was finally with my Grandpa (after 50 years apart!) and able to no longer be in pain. I wasn’t easy, but it was comforting to me