Post # 1
For the ladies who felt like they waited a while for a proposal, do you now feel silly for you being antsy for the proposal to happen? Especially if you found out what he was planning the whole time? I’m starting to get antsy and I’m taking my chill pill, I feel like these responses will help me lol
Post # 2
Yeah I kinda do, but we had been together for about 4 years and living together for 3 or so aannnnddd he was the one to bring up getting engaged first. I’m the kind of person that when I decide I’m going to do something, I wanna do it RIGHT NOW.
Patience is not my forte!
I’d take a big ol’ chill pill and find something else to obsess over. I know how that is so easy to say and no as easy to do. When he’s ready he’ll do it 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
slw0546340: I felt like I was waiting forever and ever! If he didn’t propose by the 3 year mark, I was going to be pretty mad (he didn’t). But when it rolled around, I didn’t actually get mad because the reason he hadn’t is because he didn’t have a job yet (and he’d been trying really hard), and it’s hard to be mad at someone when they are mad at themselves AND have a good reason.
It turned out that he still proposed before I thought he would (I figured 6 months after he got the job to save up, and he proposed aftera month on the job), so it worked itself out.
And once you get the proposal, you are too excited and busy planning to really spend any time reflecting on the waiting period. Looking back now (after the wedding), I can see both sides. Yeah, I was being a bit silly, but it was really important to me that DH make the big gesture to commit his life to me and vice versa.
Just expend all of that waiting energy on a project of some kind, whether it’s designing your dream house or planning the wedding (already, lol) or refinishing your furniture. Do something with your hands!
Post # 4
lol this is great advice ladies! He’s the one who told me “let’s go look at rings because I want to know what you like” and so of course it makes me excited for it. I do have plenty of other things to obsess over, like finishing my second degree. It’s just frustrating to go to multiple stores and “pick one out” and have no idea when it’s happening. I do feel a little silly, I’m just so excited! haha I hope he doesn’t make me wait forever, but unfortunately I think he will wait quite a bit.
Post # 5
slw0546340: Yeah, I also kinda do but how was I to know? He wasn’t just placating me by saying it would happen one day… The day actually came and he didn’t drag his feet one bit after we were engaged. Oh well, got married, things are going good.
Post # 6
DH and I got engaged after 2.5 years of dating, and were engaged for about 8 months. We were both in our late 20s and in grad school. DH brought up marriage at the beginning of our relationship, and after about 1.5 years we even started to read books on marrige together and worked through various questions, pre-marriage workbooks, etc. All of this made me feel confident that DH was going to propose, but then he went through about a 9-10 month period when he did not want to talk about marriage at all, and every time I brought it up or wanted to talk about how our relationship was going and where it was headed, he interpreted it as “pressure to get married”, which really irritated me, because from my perspective, I would never pressure anyone to get married, but I wanted to know where we stood so I could make various decisions when I finished grad school. During that period of time, it was an emotionally charged issue, unfortunately. DH says looking back, he knew he wanted to marry me, but couldn’t let himself think about the proposal until finishing grad school because he’s more of a one-thing-at-at-time-ducks-in-a-row kind of guy. Whereas I had no problem having marriage discussions while writing up my thesis and stressing about jobs applications. In the end, he surprised me with a proposal and it was very well-thought-out and lovingly planned. All of my doubts and confusion were gone at that point because I knew how sincerely he wanted me to be his wife. The issue had been more one of communication, and of DH having made up his mind that he wanted to propose and therefore thinking nothing more needed to be said. 2 years into marriage, we still have communication issues when it comes to emotionally-charged topics and/or big decisions, but we’ve definitely improved since dating days.
Post # 7
My SO and I have been together over 2.5 years and I dont pressure for a proposal for this very reason, I KNOW I would be dissapointed in myself for nagging so I am just going to wait (…and wait)… until he proposes because HE wants to, not cause I nagged him
Post # 8
Personally, I don’t feel silly for being antsy. After 9 years I think anyone would be getting antsy! What I do wish is that I’d communicated more of my concerns and wishes to my SO rather than keeping them all inside. Because frankly, I think we would have got engaged sooner if he had been more aware of my feelings on the subject, and it would have saved me a lot of angst.
Post # 9
8.5 year wait… Yeah…
Well we were at university a really long time! We didn’t have great jobs until recently. We wanted to have money before doing all that.
i do wish it happened sooner though, honestly.
Post # 10
slw0546340: Lol, completely! I was really working on his nerves and I totally knew it was going to be soon, but that didn’t stop me from being a spaz or totally insufferable sometimes! Thank god he put up with my crap! But, the second he asked all of the bad feelings were completely dropped. I no longer harbored resentment…which I had started to at some points. I think all I really wanted was the “I totally want to marry you, let’s do this for real.” from him which came with the proposal. It feels great to actually be planning and moving forward now. So just relax, if you know he’s got it in the works, it’ll come…but I’m sure not soon enough! Good luck!
Post # 11
Like others on this post, my FI brought up marriage first, took me to look at rings, etc. I thought for sure it would be happening in a few months. Nope…I was waiting for almost 3 years! I was not chill, but I wish I had been. Maybe when guys start talking about it it’s when they are starting to consider it and when women start talking about it it’s when we’re ready, so that’s why there is the discrepancy?
Post # 12
I will admit that I was antsy – it only took him a little over 3 years to do it! However, I probably could have been engaged sooner had I moved in with him sooner than just a year ago. But, I wasn’t the only one – his family was bugging him about it too!
He had asked a year prior for me to move in with him, but I had said no – as I had wanted to be engaged before moving in with him. I owned my condo, so that meant I would have to sell, and it also meant that I would have to start finding a new home for my beloved cat (since FI is allergic).
Those were big things, but eventually I caved and we merged out stuff a year ago. My place sold in October and 4 months later we were engaged. I knew that he wanted to pay off some bills first before he would be able to afford a ring, and with me living with him – that did help some.
Post # 13
Well we’ve been living together the past 3 years, he talks all the time about our future and getting married and “when we have kids…” etc. We’ve been casually ring shopping the past 8 months and then “real” ring shopping the past month and I chose a ring… I think he got it, but I’m not sure. But I know he’s waiting to finish grad school which ends May 2015, I just feel like that’s forever away. I don’t know, maybe he will pop the question ahead of time. I understand his reasons for not wanting to get engaged just yet, but the way that I see it is you don’t necessarily have to be planning a wedding the whole time. I plan on planning the wedding when it’s a good time for the two of us.
Post # 14
slw0546340: yes i did. i felt like i was acting like a child and i should have just let it take its course. i felt selfish and stupid. we dated for 7 years. but he asked me at 6.5. i was prob really at 5 or 4ish i think. but it seemed like forever. his brother got married to the same woman like three times. not like.. it was three times. and my DH didnt want to steal their thunder. and then he waited till the last two days of our hawaii trip.. it was a three week trip. to propose! just beacuse some other bees mentioned it. its funny but DH was the one to bring up marriage first .
Post # 15
slw0546340: They need to invent a real chill pill, especially for those ladies like ourselves awaiting a proposal lol. Hop you dont have much longer 🙂