For the ladies who felt like they waited a while for a proposal…

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Yeah I kinda do, but we had been together for about 4 years  and living together for 3 or so aannnnddd he was the one to bring up getting engaged first. I’m the kind of person that when I decide I’m going to do something, I wanna do it RIGHT NOW. 

Patience is not my forte!

I’d take a big ol’ chill pill and find something else to obsess over. I know how that is so easy to say and no as easy to do. When he’s ready he’ll do it 🙂

Post # 3
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

slw0546340:  I felt like I was waiting forever and ever! If he didn’t propose by the 3 year mark, I was going to be pretty mad (he didn’t). But when it rolled around, I didn’t actually get mad because the reason he hadn’t is because he didn’t have a job yet (and he’d been trying really hard), and it’s hard to be mad at someone when they are mad at themselves AND have a good reason. 

It turned out that he still proposed before I thought he would (I figured 6 months after he got the job to save up, and he proposed aftera month on the job), so it worked itself out.

And once you get the proposal, you are too excited and busy planning to really spend any time reflecting on the waiting period. Looking back now (after the wedding), I can see both sides. Yeah, I was being a bit silly, but it was really important to me that DH make the big gesture to commit his life to me and vice versa.

Just expend all of that waiting energy on a project of some kind, whether it’s designing your dream house or planning the wedding (already, lol) or refinishing your furniture. Do something with your hands!

Post # 5
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

slw0546340:  Yeah, I also kinda do but how was I to know? He wasn’t just placating me by saying it would happen one day… The day actually came and he didn’t drag his feet one bit after we were engaged. Oh well, got married, things are going good.

Post # 6
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

DH and I got engaged after 2.5 years of dating, and were engaged for about 8 months.  We were both in our late 20s and in grad school. DH brought up marriage at the beginning of our relationship,  and after about 1.5 years we even started to read books on marrige together and worked through various questions, pre-marriage workbooks, etc. All of this made me feel confident that DH was going to propose, but then he went through about a 9-10 month period when he did not want to talk about marriage at all, and every time I brought it up or wanted to talk about how our relationship was going and where it was headed, he interpreted it as “pressure to get married”, which really irritated me, because from my perspective, I would never pressure anyone to get married, but I wanted to know where we stood so I could make various decisions when I finished grad school.  During that period of time, it was an emotionally charged issue, unfortunately. DH says looking back, he knew he wanted to marry me, but couldn’t let himself think about the proposal until finishing grad school because he’s more of a one-thing-at-at-time-ducks-in-a-row kind of guy.  Whereas I had no problem having marriage discussions while writing up my thesis and stressing about jobs applications. In the end, he surprised me with a proposal and it was very well-thought-out and lovingly planned.  All of my doubts and confusion were gone at that point because I knew how sincerely he wanted me to be his wife. The issue had been more one of communication, and of DH having made up his mind that he wanted to propose and therefore thinking nothing more needed to be said.  2 years into marriage, we still have communication issues when it comes to emotionally-charged topics and/or big decisions, but we’ve definitely improved since dating days.  

Post # 7
136 posts
Blushing bee

My SO and I have been together over 2.5 years and I dont pressure for a proposal for this very reason, I KNOW I would be dissapointed in myself for nagging so I am just going to wait (…and wait)… until he proposes because HE wants to, not cause I nagged him 

Post # 8
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Personally, I don’t feel silly for being antsy. After 9 years I think anyone would be getting antsy! What I do wish is that I’d communicated more of my concerns and wishes to my SO rather than keeping them all inside. Because frankly, I think we would have got engaged sooner if he had been more aware of my feelings on the subject, and it would have saved me a lot of angst.

Post # 9
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

8.5 year wait… Yeah…

Well we were at university a really long time! We didn’t have great jobs until recently. We wanted to have money before doing all that.

i do wish it happened sooner though, honestly.

Post # 10
1107 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

slw0546340:  Lol, completely! I was really working on his nerves and I totally knew it was going to be soon, but that didn’t stop me from being a spaz or totally insufferable sometimes! Thank god he put up with my crap! But, the second he asked all of the bad feelings were completely dropped. I no longer harbored resentment…which I had started to at some points. I think all I really wanted was the “I totally want to marry you, let’s do this for real.” from him which came with the proposal. It feels great to actually be planning and moving forward now. So just relax, if you know he’s got it in the works, it’ll come…but I’m sure not soon enough! Good luck!

Post # 11
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Like others on this post, my FI brought up marriage first, took me to look at rings, etc. I thought for sure it would be happening in a few months.  Nope…I was waiting for almost 3 years!  I was not chill, but I wish I had been.  Maybe when guys start talking about it it’s when they are starting to consider it and when women start talking about it it’s when we’re ready, so that’s why there is the discrepancy?

Post # 12
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I will admit that I was antsy – it only took him a little over 3 years to do it! However, I probably could have been engaged sooner had I moved in with him sooner than just a year ago. But, I wasn’t the only one – his family was bugging him about it too!

He had asked a year prior for me to move in with him, but I had said no – as I had wanted to be engaged before moving in with him. I owned my condo, so that meant I would have to sell, and it also meant that I would have to start finding a new home for my beloved cat (since FI is allergic).

Those were big things, but eventually I caved and we merged out stuff a year ago. My place sold in October and 4 months later we were engaged. I knew that he wanted to pay off some bills first before he would be able to afford a ring, and with me living with him – that did help some.

Post # 14
2064 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013


slw0546340:  yes i did. i felt like i was acting like a child and i should have just let it take its course. i felt selfish and stupid. we dated for 7 years. but he asked me at 6.5. i was prob really at 5 or 4ish i think. but it seemed like forever. his brother got married to the same woman like three times. not like.. it was three times. and my DH didnt want to steal their thunder. and then he waited till the last two days of our hawaii trip.. it was a three week trip. to propose! just beacuse some other bees mentioned it. its funny but DH was the one to bring up marriage first .

Post # 15
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

slw0546340:  They need to invent a real chill pill, especially for those ladies like ourselves awaiting a proposal lol. Hop you dont have much longer 🙂

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