Post # 1
This is a vent. Everytime someone asks about the stuff we are going through (which include multiple Dr. visits, blood work. tests, pills…) they make the same comment…”Oh, just wait, it gets worse when you are actually pregnant.”
Well, that’s all fine and good….but stop minimizing what I am going through, especially when you have never had to! Do these people have any idea what fertility treatments entail? NO. They just have had children, so they know about pregnancy, and therefore feel the need to tell me this part is “nothin!”
I had a procedure yesterday, I have been on two types of pills in the past few weeks, and I have an ultrasound and blood work on thursday. These people need to STFU. I know I should just keep everything a secret, not give people info, but damn, they need to stop asking then. I don’t want to be rude and say “none of your business,” so I say something like “oh, we have a dr. appt thursday, so we will know more” and leave it at that. But that’s when they make the stupid “just wait” comment.
I KNOW pregnancy and childbirth are physically hard. But what I am going through now is very emotionally and physically draining (though not overly painful yet).
The other question that is pissing me off to no end is “are you SURE you need all this treatment? Just have fun!” …or “have a drink!”…or “oh, gosh, it was so easy for us!” YES I AM SURE WE NEED THIS. We have not fallen for a “get pregnant quick scam!” I was referred by an OBGYN to a reproductive specialist!
Whew. Ok, I feel better. Thanks for reading. Anyone else feeling stressed over it all?
Post # 3
Ugh people are so annoying sometimes. Sorry those peeps are giving you heck, want me to beat them up for you? 😀 cause I will
Post # 4
People are stupid.
I honestly can’t believe that anyone who’s heard their friend is having trouble getting pregnant would respond by saying how easy it was for them. Hello, basic empathy for other people’s problems? How insensitive!
I’m sorry you’ve received so many annoying comments, and that you are going through what sounds like a difficult and draining process!
Post # 5
As another person with PCOS, (a pretty bad case,) I totally relate. It really hurts when people are so insensitive – as much as I try and be open and understand that they mean well and are just trying to help…
I don’t know if someone who hasn’t gone through the pain of infertility can possibly understand what it’s like… The emotional rollercoasters, the hopes high and then dashed, the feeling of responsibility to be able to do this, to have a baby for you and your spouse, no matter how awesome your spouse is about it and tells you that we can adopt, etc.
and for people to make comments that minimizes it… I’m sure you would give anything to go through the hard parts of pregnancy and child-raising, so you really don’t need their comments!
We’re off the pill and not expecting anything to happen… my periods (if you can call them that!) are pretty much non-existent or come every few months. We’re going to wait 6 months and then start some of the treatments.
Wishing you the best of luck, and hugs!
Post # 6
I totally understand!!! I am going through the same exact thing. If I hear someone tell me to “just relax” I am going to bite their head off! We are going to start our third treatment next month. Clomid failed, Femara failed so now we are moving on to injectible hormones. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve gotten to the point where I just flat out tell people I don’t feel like talking about it but thanks for asking.
If you ever need anyone to talk to PM me!
Post # 7
I’m with you too.
My friendly PCOS is getting a visit by the specialist next week. I am going to take charge of my fertility!!
I have decided not to tell anyone I know (except mother, sister and FI) as I don’t want the weight of other peoples expectations on top of mine.
I am telling people we are happy to wait (all lies) when we get the daily questions of – ”when are you guys having kids”
Post # 8
@heathaah: I don’t think pregnancy and childbirth is as hard as what you are going through 🙁 I’m sorry people are so insensitive.
I have a couple friends who had to go through IVF and they said pregnancy and childbirth were a breeze and pure joy in comparison.
Hang in there!
Post # 9
I’m sorry people are so insensitive. I can’t even imagine how physically draining and emotionally exhausting and painful this must be for you. It sounds like an emotional roller coaster. I hope that you and your husband have some good baby luck soon, and that people butt out!
Post # 10
We’re not TTC yet, but I wanted to comment and say that I’m so sorry people are being so insensitive. I can’t imagine ever making comments like that to somebody who is having a difficult time conceiving. And, I’d imagine that what you are going through, both emotionally and physically, IS worse than pregnancy.
Post # 11
People are stupid and can say some awfully rude and mean things. And seriously, pregnancy isn’t that bad, so I don’t know what they are talking about. People who got lucky and got pregnant quickly/easily should keep their trap shut and thank their lucky stars.
Keep your head up.
Post # 12
People who aren’t going through these things don’t understand. I would give anything to have those pains of pregnancy. When I was pregnant (I miscarried) I was greatful for even the bad stuff b/c I knew it was all for a good cause.
Post # 13
@colors: I totally agree. I would give anything to have the nausea and tiredness back. Even though we only knew I was pregnant for 8 days before I miscarried, I enjoyed those pregnancy symptoms!
@heathaah: So sorry you are dealing with these insensitive comments. I just found out last week that I have 15 fibroids all around and in my utereus, so I need to have major surgery to remove all of them in order to try to have a baby. (Or else I’ll most likely have another miscarriage or stillborn) It was devastating news to my husband and I and already we’ve had a few people say, “You can always adopt” and other things like this. It hurts and it sucks. 🙁 I totally understand. I know what you are going through!!!
Post # 14
Thank you so much everyone for the support. Your responses really mean so much to me.
@HoneyBear: I may take you up on that!
@Mrs Moose: An emotional rollercoaster describes it perfectly. I am currently right at the top of a potential drop, as I wait to see if clomid worked this month. I am getting too optimistic, and scared of the “drop.” But hey, we cry it out and try again, right? Best of luck to you when you try. And if you do ever have to go thru any of this stuff, feel free to pm me if you have questions or need some bee hugs!
@sweetkate: “just relax” is one of the worst comments, isn’t it? You have gone through much more than I have so far. This is the first month on clomid for me. I will take you up on the pm offer, especially if we need further treatments.
@nzbride: Good plan! I wish we never told anyone. It’s tough because all of our friends have kids, so we get the whole “your turn!!!” thing!
Post # 15
@Mrs. DG: Gosh, I hope it is earier! They had to clamp my cervix with some other tool while the speculum was in also…and damn it hurt. The nurse says “those cramps you feel are simiar to the cramps of your cervix dilating during labor.” But I didn’t feel terrible cramps…I felt a damn clamp pinching my cervix! Then she goes on about how she knows how scared I am because she had a terrible dental procedure recently. That actually made me laugh because it was so out there! But she was trying and she was really nice and helpful overall.
@Jenn23: I am so sorry to hear that. Have you decided if you will have the surgery? It does suck to hear other people say “you can always adopt.” The exception to that is my husband. I love when he reassures me that we WILL raise a family no matter how we do it! Good luck to you.
Post # 16
Wow, those people are really insensitive! I’m sorry you have to deal with that on top of what you’re going through. I struggled with infertility also, and I know how heartbreaking it can be. It sounds like you are doing everything right and getting lots of really good medical care so try to remember that they are all on your team and they won’t give up on you! To those who aren;t being helpful, maybe you could say something like, “Right now, what we need most is your support because this process is very difficult.”