For those not living together!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

@Kacey23:  My boyfriend and I were together for 5 years before we moved in. I spent the same amount of time as you have been doing. I didn’t feel like I needed to be itimate it just happened whenever we felt like it (which was everytime I was there). Although I have to say even after 5 years of spending a couple days of the week with him it is a lot more different now that we live together. We have less sex, but just sharing a space 24/7 boy is it a challenge. 

Post # 4
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

With our crazy schedules, my FH and I get to spend the night together maybe once a week. It’s been a little more lately, with all the snow days we’ve been having, but that’s about to end. Occasionally we get lucky and we’ll get two nights in a row together. 

Sex happens almost every night we spend the night together. It’s not something we’ve talked about or necessarily tried to make happen, it just does naturally. When we get two consecutive nights, it rarely happens on the second night. 

At this point, we’re used to not having a lot of intimate time together (though we see each other every day), so it’s not a top priority. I’m sure it’ll change when we get married and live together, but it’s fine for now. 

Post # 7
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My husband (then BF) and I were together for about 3.5yrs before we moved in together. We spent about 3 weeknights together (not sleeping over though as we both still lived with our parents) and usually hung out together on the weekends, with one of us sleeping over on the weekend (although not in the same room as both of our parents were strict on that…so old fashioned….we weren’t teenagers!). When I lived at university before that we saw each other every weekend and once during the week (he drove about an hour to see me on a weeknight when he didn’t have class early in the morning…we went to different schools), and we slept over every time then.

 

I didn’t feel pressure to be intimate….it just happened whenever it happened.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You know how you look back on your younger self, when you were MADE to take naps and didn’t like it, but now you think “I wish I could go back to that/tell my younger self to relish it.”. This is another one of those times where, in the future when living together has become normal, work is stressful and getting in the way of time together, you will look back on these times and wish for them back.

The more consecutive nights you spend together the less pressure there will be to be intimate all the time and the frequency will be less. I hope you enjoy spring break together. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

This is a really good question. We also see eachother 3 times a week but only one of those is a sleepover and we have sex at least twice each time.

It does make you wonder whether the frequency would increase or decrease if you were together all the time or not. We both have pretty high sex drives but if it is ‘assumed’ we will have sex every day when we live together then that will probably take the shine off.

In your situation particularly, could you perhaps have sex at some other time than bedtime? Would that take the focus off the sleeping over part?

Post # 10
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Now, never, since we both live with family. When FI purchases a home later this year, I will likely stay over on weekends.

Post # 11
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Beach

I don’t live with my FI too, we plan on doing that after our wedding. We don’t spend the nights together either. He still lives with his parents and i do too, and our parents are really conserved so it wasn’t an option for us. So it gets really hard. But if i was sleeping over i guess we would have been intimite 2 or 3 times during that time. And since this would be the only time we can be it will be a priority for us too

Post # 12
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My husband and I were LD so when we saw each other monthly sex definitely occured. But, we did a lot of stuff outside of the bedroom that would tire us out. Often sex occurred in the morning after rest and we would snuggle at night.  

My suggestion is to do something before bedtime. Make the sleep over night special date nights out. Poop yourselves out once in a while.

Post # 13
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

@Kacey23:  It’s happened probably 99% of the time I’ve spent the night, so I expect it about the same way you expect presents at a birthday party – you know you’re probably going to get them, but if someone didn’t bring one, you’re still excited they came to the party.

Post # 13
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Kacey23:  I wouldn’t see a problem with keeping the same number of sleepovers but just not have sex every time? If you get married you will have years and years and years of sex ahead of you to enjoy while living together

Post # 14
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

Kacey23:  I see my SO 3 nights a week. We both have high sex drives though so I feel like I have the opposite problem. We’ve never _not_ had sex when we’ve slept over and I would definitely feel like something was wrong. 

It sort of makes me scared to live with someone as everyone makes it seem as if the sex goes down. 

Post # 15
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

princesslettuce14:  the sex may not go down but the sex percentage goes down. You’ll spend more time around each other not having sex because you’ll spend more general time around each other. Having sex 3/7 nights rather than 3/3 

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