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Haha, gotta love people sticking their noses in your sex life, right??
Some remarks I have used (depending on the person)
- when are YOU going to have kids/grandkids/another kid?
- sorry, I see what you go through, no way in hell am I putting myself through that!
- well, when do you plan on having sex with your husband/bf/whatever? What? You're asking me the same question!
- I can't have kids, but thanks for reminding me
I've actually officially begun to tell people that I can't physically do it, and that it's such a sore topic I'd really appreciate their support in not bringing it up...It's working aside from my SIL who is just convinced my eggs are going to start tick and tocking all over the place
but hey, one annoying person is WAAAAY better than like 80
I have a teen son from a previous relationship, and everyone swears up and down that Mr. LK and I are going to pop out a kid now that we are married and settled and stuff. I seriously just laugh in their faces as though they have told the funniest joke I've heard in my entire life. Clearly these well meaning folks have bumped their heads and should seek immediate medical attention for their dillusions.
Really, it's just not worth getting upset about. People say stupid/insensitive/rude stuff all the time. They don't mean to hurt your feelings; they just cannot quite understand because your choices don't conform to their world view. Let it roll off your back. This isn't a battle that is worth choosing.
My SO's Mom likes to mention how she can't wait to be a grandmother. I think I am a little harsh but I always remind her, I am not having kids, I do not like kids and do not see any upside to having one at all. She has no idea that I would possibly consider adoption years and years from now but that is also none of her business.
My mother says to me "I will never be a grandma!"
DH has a 13 year old, so even though I'm a step-mom, he's my child. So that usually helps when the questions come up, but I still get them, so I usually go into this extremely long explanation that I love SS (who has 4 bros/sis at his mom's house) and DH and I enjoy spoiling him like he's an only child.
But my standard response is "If it happens, it happens, but we've decided that (more) children aren't in our future".
I had one incredibly rude lady ask me about it while we were wedding dress shopping at a really small boutique and she was pulling out those one liners like "One day you'll change your mind!" So I looked at her and said (this is so not meant to offend anyone by the way) "Well, I'm not planning on children but if I get pregnant I guess I'll have it begrudgingly because I don't believe in killing innocent fetuses!" She didn't say anything to me the rest of the time we were there.
I say:
I can't have kids - this usually shuts people up!
I wasn't put on earth to provide children for YOU. If you're so desperate for kids/grandkids then you do something about it.
When people say "You'll change your mind" which I find REALLY offensive I'll say:
Do you tell people that who WANT kids? If someone said to me I can't wait to have kids in the future I wouldn't tell them they'll probably change their mind so don't feel you can say that to me!!
I get where you're all coming from - how aggravating.
LOL, I can really appreciate some of the super sarcastic responses!!! Love 'em! Some people act like not wanting kids is such a horrible thing. Sorry, I love my life as it is! It makes me feel so much better that there's more of you out there like me... sometimes I feel like I need backup when dealing with these crazy folks.
@skyeatnight: I have gotten downright snarky with people and said something similar to people who just won't shut up. My reproductive organs are none of your damn business!!
I have even said "I have a fantastic sex life with my husband, do you?" to people who have kids. That usually shuts them up real quick too
I just made a poll and didnt'realize its got almost the same title. Oops!
@MrsSl82be: lol, no prob, I'm interested in what people vote! It's just refreshing to have a group of gals on "this" side of the argument. I feel like such a minority a lot of times.
I am not even polite about it anymore. I usually tell people to mind their own f*&^ business. At least my family and FI's family gets it, it is mostly just nosey strangers that stick their nose in where it doesn't belong.
Totally agree. I always tell them that I didn't like children when I was one, which is the truth, so why would I like them now. Children make me uncomfortable, and I don't want to find out if it would be different with my own. I do miss my friends with kids and I always tell them that I can't wait till their kids are 18 and they can be cool and fun with me again. They laugh. My close friends know i mean it, but people that don't know me bother me with the "you'll change your mind" junk. I just tell them that I look forward to proving them wrong. I also like saying that I am doing the world a service by not helping over populate.
"Oh, we don't want kids."
"But {insert whatever reason they decide that you should have kids}."
"I don't like kids. Never have, never will."
I usually leave it at that. If they're super pushy and won't drop it I'll say: "I really don't like kids and FI doesn't mind them if he can give them back. We're definitely on the same page about not wanting any."
They usually stop or turn the focus to FI. They think he'll be easier to convince or something.
I've started telling people "I'm barren", which usually shuts them up!! For people who have the nerve to say "oh you HAVE to have kids" (like FMIL) I say "actually, I don't HAVE to do anything. My uterus, my choice" Or for those people who ask that I know don't like dogs/animals, I tell them "why have kids when I can have dogs??" (a sentiment that I actually really agree with....my dog gives me more fulfillment and love and entertainment...not to mention less stress, obligation, time constraints...than ANY child. Until I can feed my kid, take it for a walk, and then leave it to go to a bar with my FI until 3 a.m., I'm not interested. When we leave our dog to do that very thing, all he does is curl up and sleep!)
@MadameTussaud: well, I want children but I can see where you are coming from! I would just ask them are they gonna raise them for you. Maybe that will shut them up.
I've actually been getting a lot of this at work recently. The fact that I'm getting married just around the corner finally got around the building and I get the "so you're gonna start with kids now that you're getting married" & "you HAVE to have kids, you'll regret it later if you don't" speeches. Ugh. Seriously?
I ignore it. Completely. Our friends are mostly married with kids and they they say "when you guys have kids..." and I'm not offended. Theyre usually telling s something cute or funny. I think it's nice to know that they see us as parents. We love kids.
Now, if someone had the nerve to ask my WHEN we're having kids or asked why we didn't have any yet, I think I'd just turn it around and say "why do you ask?" Our calendar is none of their business.
I can really relate to this. I also never want to be burdened with children. To me their is no logical reason to have a child. The expense children take on your finances, body, mind, marriage, and life is just really not worth it to me. Like they say "Having a baby changes everything." Yeah changes that I consider are terrible. I also like my life as it is. Come and go as I please, not burdened with screaming babies keeping me up at night, diaper changing and the overall feeling of being a slave to this lump (baby) for at least the next several years. Hell NO. No Thank you.
It's really annoying to me when people say, Well I want a grandchild. Please there really is not a more pointless reasoning to talk someone else into having a child than that. To have a child just to make someone else happy is the worst reason to actually do it. When you break it down who is really having to deal with the pregnancy and care for the child for the next several years. You not the Grandparents.
I hear this all the time: Well you will change your mind. I am 24 and I am totally disgusted by babies, and pregnancy. What makes matters even worse is my FMIL is trying to push the idea of a granddaughter down my throat. They are seriously wishing me pregnant. My mom on the other hand does not care and would rather not be burdened with grandchildren. She is happy with my puppy her granddog lol. I have plans for my life and as I have seen for other people children will destroy all of that. So I have to say no babies for me.
I can definitely related to this...my responses started off polite but now they're downright rude...then again, it'd pretty rude to ask me this sort of thing or bug me about it...usually the convos go something like this...
"so when are you guys having kids?" "how about NEVER?! DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU??"
"so why don't you want kids?" "because I like being selfish. I like going on dates, going on vacation whenever I want to, buying expensive outfits, eating out, generally being fabulous and living a glamourous life. Plus, I like my body the way it is, thanks."
"so why don't you want kids?" "because they're s*** machines and I f****** hate them."
That last one is classic. So far it's shut everyone up that I've said it to.
but here, here's this article to help you out, too!
http://galadarling.com/article/i-dont-want-children-am-i-a-freak-why-wont-everyone-leave-me-alone
"We're not having kids, but while we're on the subject, how many times a week do you have sex?"
That usually shuts them up.
I always ask them if they love their kids and then when they say yes.. I say, oh.. you'll change your mind.
asking someone when they plan on having kids has got to be one of the rudest questions someone can ask. that is very personal.
i have a few very close friends who have all been married for a long time and have no children. Even considering our close relationships, i would never ask if they plan on having kids. if they felt like discussing it, they would bring it up.
when people asked me about having more kids, i just say i can't have any more. that shuts them up.
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My FI and I are 30 and we both agree that we don't want kids. Not now or in the future. I've known this all my life and have never had a single inkling or itch to have a child. Being engaged and in love doesn't change this. Of course, my mom talks like one day I'll change my mind and since I've become engaged, continues to start sentences with "when you have kids..."
I've tried both politely and boldly telling her that kids are not in my future. Then there are coworkers or friends who insist that "one day you'll change your mind." I used to be more polite in my responses, but I'm getting so sick of hearing this and becoming more and more enraged... how do you deal with it? I'd like some new responses to add to my usual ones.