For those of you who are not ok with opposite sex friendships

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am fien with opposite sex friends, so I won’t answer, but I would also pose the question – what if it’s a relative?

Post # 4
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

I think if there is clearly nothing but friendship (no late nights drinking, dancing, flirting, touching etc) and there is a large age gap etc then I am ok with it. It’s when there is obvious flirtation etc that it bothers me, and in depth discussions about very personal things (I would be upset my FI speaking with a female friend about loads of things to do with me and our relationship unless I knew her and he needed advise). I think age gaps are difficult because things still happen between people with large age gaps, but it brings a lot of things into question. 

Post # 5
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

I would have no problem (aka I would get used to it) if he had a long-time female friend that I had to adjust to.  I don’t expect him to drop friends to be with me, but I would side-eye any new female friends (especially single, flirty ones).  I, like UKbee, don’t agree with him having long personal convos or late nights with the opposite sex.

I have a lot of male friends that were there long before SO came along, but he has met all the important ones several times and is comfortable with 99% of them.  The 1% is a guy I never see but often flies in for work, and I make an effort to include SO in our get togethers since he hasn’t seen him enough to be comfortable with him.

Post # 6
Member
4545 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

nycsa:  Interesting… especially that age might make a difference and not matter. My husband is 15 yrs older than me and I just made friends with a dude who is 18 yrs older than me.

I dunno. I have male friends, but my husband doesn’t really have female friends. I definitely would take it on a case by case basis.

Post # 9
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2005 - 1880's Chapel

Are we talking going out in mixed groups or alone? I have no problem with DH’s female friends. He can text and go hang out with a group of friends with my blessing. We both seem to understand and respect that it would be inappropriate to hang out with anyone of the opposite sex one-on-one (excluding family). It hasn’t ever been an issue, but then we have never had trust issues either.

Post # 11
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

nycsa:  Honestly, my FI has never had any “girl friends” other than the select few I have, and he only talks to them when they’re with me. So… if all of a sudden he had a “girl friend” I’d be a little suspicious.

Me on the other had, all my friends have always been guys (never did well with drama) and my FI is friends with all of them. When we met, I was living with my best guy friend. I never thought anything of it and FI doesn’t think anything of it- I’ve even became good friends with all of his buddies.

I know it sounds hyprocritical, but every situation is different. I dont feel like an age gap should matter. Some people are mature for their age, some people are immature for their age. Touchy feely would bother me. I’m not a touchy feeling person in general, so if I saw someone else like that with my SO I’d be a little upset. I’d draw the line with the touchy feely for sure.

Post # 12
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have plenty of male friends and communicate with them on a regular basis. My husband is fine with this and has met most of them. He isn’t jealous and wouldn’t ever try and tell me I wasn’t allowed to have male friends, regardless of age gap.

Post # 14
Member
3352 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

nycsa:  Hmmm… I think a lot of this is situational. I would not be ok with my FI hanging out one-on-one with another female. He does have a couple female friends from work, but when they hang out outside of work it is always as a group (with other guys from work). I also have male friends from work, and I don’t hang out with them alone either. I would also consider lengthy deep conversations to be unacceptable, but it may depend on the circumstance. For instance, my FI has an ex who he is still friendly with, but she is married now with a kid and lives across the country. He occasionally catches up on the phone with her, asking about the baby and such, just topical stuff nothing deep. I don’t have a problem with that. If he were having daily long phone conversations, that would be a different story. The age gap could also be dependant on the situation. Like if FI were volunteering at a nursing home and became friends with an 80 year old women, that’s probably ok. If he were friends with a 50 year old “cougar” type women he met in a bar, that’s probably not ok.

Post # 15
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

nycsa:  Oh hell no. I’d push her off and she’d find herself on the floor.

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