Post # 1
So my husband and I have agreed to not tell anyone while we are ttc (mainly because there will be pressure when people keep asking if it has happened, and because we are having some issues conceiving so I don’t want people to wonder what’s taking so long). At any rate, I have changed my habits by not drinking caffeine, wine, etc. However, my friends and family know how much I love my coffee/tea and red wine. That is where the dilemma begins for me. If I continue to refuse those things, people will start asking questions and I don’t know how to handle it without them thinking that either (1) I’m pregnant or (2) I’m trying to get pregnant.
So I wanted to know for those ladies who are either secretly ttc or even secretly pregnant–how do you handle it when people start asking things like “oh why don’t you want ___ or ___, you love it!”
And obviously I can say that i don’t feel like having coffee/wine, but how many times can I do that? In particular, my mother in law is one of those ladies who is also SUPER insistent when it comes to food/drinks (it’s a cultural thing) so when we do visit her (which is twice a month), she keeps insisting until you eat/drink whatever it is she is offering. So I don’t know how many times I can refuse her without it seeming like something is wrong or offending her. I can get away with saying no wine to her because she hates it….but tea/coffee is something she and I would drink together very often so to say that I don’t want it will raise major red flags. And trust me, I do NOT want her to know we’re ttc (long story!).
Any advice would be appreciated!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@Armina33: for alcohol, can you say you’re trying to go low-carb and lose a couple pounds? Not sure about the tea, that sounds like a toughie!
Post # 4
I was ttc for a year and just always said that I was going, “gluten free” and that’s why I wasn’t drinking alcohol. Unfortunately there were times that we’d be at a place with a gluten free drink option, but then I’d always pretend to take a sip and say how gross it was…haha.
As for caffeine, it doesn’t need to be avoided all together (ttc or pregnant) and I don’t think anyone will notice if you’re not drinking caffeine.
Post # 5
@lolot: The thing is, I am skinny so saying I want to lose weight won’t work!
Post # 6
@KateByDesign: You’re right, I can have some caffeine. But in my culture, people drink up to 6 cups of tea/coffee a day. So for a 3 hour visit with the inlaws that usually means at least 3 small cups of coffee/tea!!! I can refuse one, or two but it gets really exhausting.
I was thinking of saying that I have acid reflux and can’t take any tea? Maybe that might work!
Post # 7
@Armina33: That would totally work!
Post # 8
Its soooooo difficult I cant stand it! I doubt Ill make it to 12 weeks without telling my co-workers who have been asking why Im so tired and have no appetite. Its been most difficult not telling the family because we are all so close. DH and I play on a soccer team w my Sis and bro and his sis and bro, his 2 best friends and their wives (1 is who we met thru) and 2 other close friends. I didnt play soccer friday night and had to fake a headache because of course I wanted to go watch. My dad was there w his gf and didnt ask why I didnt play which was strange? Then on Sunday we went to a couples and usually the girls (my SIL included) all drink wine together. I had to decline the wine. I saw the look on my friends face but I told her I still have the headache. So hard to lie!
Post # 9
You can use the headache, sore throat, medication excuse for the wine. You could also try saying that you don’t care for that brand, or drank a little too much the night before. Also have a little wine and fill the rest of the glass with sprite to make a spritzer.
All in all there is no reason not to have a few. Most ladies tend to drink until it’s pink. On the other hand I know what you’re going through I decided to cut out alcohol while we were TTC for a few cycles and it was frustrating. In all honesty the cycle that I just didn’t worry about alcohol is the one that I got knocked up.
As for coffee/tea, if it’s the evening/afternoon just say you haven’t been sleeping well and are trying to lay off caffiene, and ask if there is a decaf version, if not sulk a little, but say you really need the sleep.
Post # 10
@Armina33: Sometimes I find that just saying “sure!” and accepting the wine/ coffee/ whatever is easier- then sip on it/ pretend to sip on it. If someone says why aren’t you drinking much? Say you are feeling dehydrated and need some water, or just grab water and drink that side by side with whatever beverage. Refusing often makes a bigger deal than just having the drink in front of you and pretending! People tend to notice less when you make less of a “thing” about it! Plus there are moments you can sneak some of the drink down the sink, or walk from the kitchen to living room and pop into bathroom on the way and dump most of it! Good luck to you!
Post # 11
@Armina33: When I was cutting down on caffine I told people my doctor had advised me to because it was making my heart race – no one questioned it, and it was partly true.
Post # 12
@Armina33: just have a glass of wine or coffee? It won’t really hurt anything. If you really don’t want to, just pretend to sip on it and dump it out when no one is looking. It’s usually easier to do that then to make up the excuses that no one will believe.
Post # 13
@salmonofmarriage: <this is what I do!
ive been pretend drinking at all our Christmas parties! Poor DH has been chugging my drinks for me while no one was watching!
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
For alcohol. use the anti-biotics excuse
Why can’t you drink tea? Is one or two cups a week (when you visit family) going to affect your chances of conceiving? Every woman I know drank coffee (some, lots!!!) throughout their pregnancy with no issues. For what that’s worth.
Or just ask for herbal tea!
Post # 15
@lealorali: I guess I’m being super obsessive about what I should or should not drink/eat because I don’t want anything to get in the way of us conceiving –even a cup of tea! But you’re right a few cups a week won’t hurt.
Post # 16
@salmonofmarriage: +1. I totally agree, just say “sure!” and don’t make a thing of it.
@Armina33: I am nine weeks pregnant and it took us 4-5 months to conceive. I pretty much drank alcohol like normal during the process (although definitely less towards the end of my two week wait). Now that I’m pregnant I’ll just take a couple sips and then fake drink for the rest of the evening (go to the bathroom and pour some out, have my husband drink it, pour out my beer and put water in the can, etc). Sometimes it’s not even necessary- just having a drink in my hand and not even drinking it is fine.
What’s been the hardest for me to hide is the exhaustion and queasiness. I feel like I am doing well hiding it and acting normal but a few of my friends have been concerned, asking if I feel ok or am I sad. I feel bad lying but I’m not ready for more than a few people to know at this point. Good luck to you!