For those that had a walk date…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My walk date was the day I felt our timelines were no longer compatible. The day I didn’t believe he wanted marriage, the day I knew our views were so far apart that we couldn’t compromise. I never had a walk day in the sense of “has to be by our third anniversary” or something like that. I came close to puling away once, because I was hurting. But, fortunately, my sensible side was still saying, albeit in just a whisper, that this man wanted to marry me and was worth waiting for. Little did I know, while I was feeling rejected and hurt over waiting, he’d already bought the ring. We were engaged about a month later and I could kick myself for ever having doubts.

Post # 4
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

imsandradee:  I was with FH for 8.5 years before he proposed, I was waiting for 6.5 years (I didn’t know/wasn’t ready until the 2 year mark).  We were 21/22 when we started dating and 30/31 when he proposed.

I never had a walk date, I knew I wouldn’t leave.  BUT I knew that we would eventually get married, I knew we wanted the same things.  He knew I was frustrated and getting impatient, but I knew that he’s one of those people who needs to take his own time.  It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

The biggest thing is to try and not think about the fact that you’re waiting.  You will end up ruining so much enjoyment in your relationship if you’re focusing on what you don’t have.  What I’ve learned is that the ring is just a ring (don’t get me wrong, it means something and it did change things a little) but it doesn’t define your relationship and you need to be happy and enjoy where you are or you’ll never get to the wedding 🙂

Post # 5
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I read through some of your previous posts to get some perspective on this situation. You guys started dating young and have been together for a long time. Now you’re in your mid-twenties, right? Out of school for a couple of years and he’s been trying to lay the foundation to be able to support a family, right? How is that going? How is his job working out for him? Do you think he’s coming to a better place to get engaged soon? Is your walk date solely based on the fact that you’ve been together for X amount of years and you don’t want to wait any longer? What other qualities does your relationship have that may make it worth sticking around? <br /><br />Sometimes I can understand a walk date if a guy is really just keeping a girl on a string, but it seems like your SO is working towards a goal and that sounds pretty respectable to me. He’s trying to do the right thing. So what other deal breakers are you facing that could make your walk date a reality?

Post # 6
Member
1931 posts
Buzzing bee

My walk date is January 1, 2015. We had a mutual agreement that we would be engaged before the end of 2015 and now he’s decided that he’s going to push the date back to Spring 2015. This is probably the third time that he’s pushed the date back and he’s also pushed the wedding date back a YEAR. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel like the walk date is harsh but so is waiting around for another three years for a marriage that isn’t going to happen. 

I think that you need to decide what’s important- is he the most important thing and are you willing to wait or are you skeptical that the proposal is going to happen at all? 

Post # 7
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Just try to be joyous about the walk date. Sounds weird, but every aspect of life, good and bad, can be approached joyously. Consider your own motivations. Has your walk date been set as an outlet for your bitterness about being made to wait? Or as a way to punish him if he doesn’t meet your expectations? Or because you know you will be happier moving on to find a man who is more decisive and passionate about being with you forever? If your motivation is pure, you can hold it in your mind and not allow it to color your relationship with your current BF. 

Post # 9
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

imsandradee:  I dont have a walk date now, but I came close to creating one before. SO brought up the idea of engagement 2.5 years ago now. Then we moved in together, then we did long distance for 6 months, then his work took us both half way across the country. I was SURE it was going to happen… weve been living here for 1.5 years now and still nothing. <br />I would hint and he would say “yes, I still feel the same way. Itll happen soon. Soon. Soon” (I hate that word at this point haha) I had to learn that this was something he truly does want, but his insecurites were standing in his way. I had to push him to talk to me, to really think about and give full answers. Not just for myself, but for him as well. After all this and MANY long discussions, were in a place now where I am not considering a walk date. <br />The idea of walk date for me only existed because I just wanted honesty and follow through on promises. It didnt matter what the promise was (engagement or any other big promise)  so each time he opened up more and was totally honest about his fears and excitement I gained more and more hope. Now I know were on the same page and he understands where I come from and vice versa. <br />Keep talking it out, and thinking about whats best for you. Regardless of a “date” youll know in your heart when your done trying and fighting for your relationship. It may be before your date, it may be months after, or (if things are meant to be) it will never happen. <br />I hope this helps to know others experience this too 🙂

Post # 10
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I walked on my last relationship.  It was mostly related to his job and a cross country move we make together that caused a lot of problems.  I never told him an exact date or anything like that, it was more internal.  If you want the entire story you can PM me.  

Post # 11
Member
4900 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I don’t think feelings are something we can control–they just are what they are.  If it were me, I would tell my SO that I was starting to feel myself disengaging from the relationship due to the lack of forward progress.  You don’t have to disclose your walk date, but I think it’s fair to let him know how you feel.

I would hope you can discuss your feelings openly & comfortably with your SO.  If you tell him how you really feel & he still doesn’t move forward, well, that’s on him if he loses you.

Post # 12
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

imsandradee:  I basically told my partner that if by the time I finish my Master’s and I don’t have a proposal then, I’d have my answer. I basically told him that I’d be applying to schools in our hometown. He wants to move to a different state a distance from our hometown and I’m more than willing, with a ring on my finger. After much thought I decided, I’m risking too much for me just baring the title of, “girlfriend.” I can say that our conversation definitely got the all rolling for him.

Post # 13
Member
3896 posts
Honey bee

I walked from my last relationship. We were together 4.5 years and I was easily waiting for 2 years. Despite saying all the right things, he DIDN’T WANT TO MARRY ME – I had walk dates but they kept being pushed back. We agreed to get engaged in Spring 2013 and married Spring 2014. Well, Jan this year rolls around and there is no ring, no money saved for a ring as promised and just no god damn intention to get married. So… I ended it and asked him to move out.

 

I am now in a relationship where we talk about the future as grown ups, it’s a total full disclosure honesty relationship and I know he won’t keep me dangling because he is afraid of committment.

 

As for the waiting to walk, yeah, I pretty much had mentally checked out of relationship long before it ended. Walk dates can be positive for some people and not so positive for others.  

Post # 14
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i had an unofficial walk date…it was mine, he had no idea I was going to break up with him.  I walked because he was not interested in marriage or in having kids, and I did.  To me, there was no point in staying in that relationship any longer…denying myself what I really wanted or expecting him to magically change overnight.   It wasnt easy getting to the walk point…hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.  And yes, I started to pull away from the relationship….kinda have to, to protect yourself emotionally and mentally. 

 

I think walking, when undertaken seriously and not for frivilous or controlling reasons (ie: no ultimatums or just because you are mad at him)  can be a great and positive thing.  you just have to be 100% ok with being on your own and finding your own path.  Sometimes the guy just lets you go or sometimes it wakes them up. My walking was a big wakeup call to my SO.  He was determined to win me back, made some small changes to the way he treated and interacted with me, we actually started communicating (big one for both of us!!), talked until we realized we were on the same page, got our relationship back on track and we are happily married now…and we both want to have kids in the future.  We wouldn’t be together today, married and all that, if I hadn’t walked.  On the flip side, I had a friend who walked because she wanted marriage and her bf still hadn’t proposed…and he didnt fight for her and just let her walk away.  It really broke her heart, but she at least then was free to go after what she wanted.  If she had stayed I dont think he would ever have married her…he was comfortable in the relationship as it was, and saw no need for it to change.  even her leaving wasn’t enough of a catalyst to change his mind on marriage.  So it can go both ways, and you have to be ok with either end result..

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors