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How long did it take you to get pregnant, and how did you not lose your mind?
We just entered month 5 actively TTC, and it has tested my sanity. I see so many "oops" and first/second month bfps on here, and while I'm happy for those people, the ease with which they got pregnant doesn't apply to me, and it actually makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me. So i guess I'm just looking for support from others that took a bit longer, hope that I'm not a freak of nature, and that I'm not alone. Or reassurance that this is "normal." I've read all the stats, 85% pregnant in 1 year, blah blah blah, and I'm not looking to hear stats, so please don't post them. I'm looking for real people and real stories.
Just to note on why I hate the stats: I can't think of anyone that I know or have met recently that took longer than 3 months. It seems to me like 85% are pregnant in 3 months!
Oh, btw DH and I are both 31, and I've already done the initial hormone/AMH/HSG testing, along with getting DH an SA. We're all clear. So now I'm left to worry that there's something so awfully wrong with me, like freakishly thick eggs that sperm can't penetrate (which I did read one woman had!), that couldn't be picked up with normal testing...
I'd love any advice on how to not slip into despair and to hear "your story" if it took you a bit longer....
Thanks:)
I know lots of ppl that have taken longer. Some good friends are PG through IVF after 2 years. Another couple has been trying for at least a year with 2 miscarriages. Another friend has a 5 month-old after a year and a half trying (no interventions). When I've asked people, I have heard tons of stories about it taking a good 8 months.
I agree we need to hear more of the true stories about how long it can take!!
Maybe I shouldn't butt in, because we're not even TTC yet, but I wanted to lend my support, jholler, and let you know that it took my sister 6 months to conceive, and she had all of the same thoughts as you! It's normal to worry! Just hang in there, and I'm rooting for you!!
I can't vote cos we're still TTC but we're now heading in to cycle eight and quite frankly it sucks...
I'm 29, he's 31 and we have no obvious or known fertility issues and every new cycle we go into I start to worry just a little bit more...
Good luck with your BFP!
It took us 5 cycles to conceive the first time (ended in early miscarriage), and then we were lucky to conceive again on the 6th cycle (due Jan 21st). I was charting, and using OPKs, and PreSeed, and making sure we were getting busy at all the right times! So there was definitely a good amount of effort being put into the process - heh.
It is rather difficult to maintain your sanity when TTC. Especially when it seems like everyone around you conceived on the first try or without trying at all (two close friends of mine concieved on the first try, and two other friends conceived when trying to prevent). It's enough to make you wonder why you spent all that money on trying to prevent getting pregnant for so long - hah!
I remember thinking...if I only KNEW for certain I would concieve sometime in the next year, I could relax and enjoy the process. It was the not knowing that drove me insane. Constantly questioning myself, wondering if there was something wrong, and worrying about "wasting time" (I was 36 when we started trying).
But you know what - you just have to keep reminding yourself that the stats are on your side (especially after getting normal results on all the testing you've had)! I know that's easier said than done, especially coming from someone that's on the other side. But I remember being in your exact same position not too long ago, and I remember how easy it was to let my mind think about all the (very unlikely) things that might be wrong with me/us! Just tell that worrying mind of yours to shove it, and that you WILL conceive with or without it's help thankyouverymuch!!
And here's a more heartwarming hopeful story - after 4 years of trying (using all sorts of fertility treatments) my cousin and his wife were able to conceive their beautiful daugther. And you want to know the best part? It happened while they were on a caribbean vacation....taking a much needed break from all the fertlity treatments!
Good luck with your TTC journey - I hope it happens for you very soon!!
Hey jholler! It took my sister 5 or 6 months of very actively TTC (OPKs, charting) to get pregnant the first time. I think they started TTC in August and got pregnant in late Dec or early Jan. She unfortunately had a missed MC/D&C after 2 months. When she got her period back, they TTC for another 3 or 4 months and finally got pregnant again in July. I am hopeful that she now has her sticky baby - she's almost 16 weeks!!!
We have two cousins who initally took a long time to get pregnant the first time around...at least a year for both of them. I don't know if they had any intervention (IUI, IVF), but now one of them has 3 beautiful children and the other one has 2.
I am sure it is super frusterating/dissapointing, but try to hang in there! I saw your post about your hubby on the other thread and think he both sounds and looks (hello dimples!) adorable. Lean on one another and focus on all the blessings in your lives. I know that's easier said than done sometimes!
I'm having a really hard time waiting patiently for my DH to be ready to start trying...I want a baby desperately. However, I can put things in perspective quickly by thinking of my very good friend (bm in my wedding) who just got her 10th cancer diagnosis in 18 years. It doesn't take away my sadness at not being a mom right now, but seeing what she's going through does remind me that I've very lucky for my health and the high probability that I'll get to be a mom at some point (on our own or via adoption). My poor friend may not get that chance - her eggs are frozen to protect them from all the chemo she's had over the years, but she has to survive this latest bunch of tumors first. :( Anyway, I'm not talking about her to make you feel bad about how you're feeling (esp. since I feel that way too and I'm not even TTC) - but I'm relaying this story because trying to keep things in perspective does seem to help my mood; that and remembering that my sister and cousins were all ultimately successful.
@Mrs Green Grass: I don't think you'll ever really know how much you've helped me in my TTC process. Hopefully, one day, I'll have a house full of screaming wild kids, and without a doubt I will still think of you, and how you got me there. Thank you, friend.
@MrsMaine: :) I was like, "Okay, maybe I am a freak of nature!"
@OttawaBride2011: There's no butting in here, all stories welcome! I'm glad you're an aunt, and thank you for sharing:)
@echo: Wow. Thank you. If/when I ever get pregnant, I can imagine myself writing your exact post to someone else. YES, if I could just KNOW that I'll be PG, I'll chill the hell out! Just between us girls, bc DH would look at me like I had lost my damn mind, I have actually considered going to a psychic? Is that redonkulous? There are so many here in South Florida! Probably because we're home to the sheisters of the world, but I've actually thought about it. I'm just so scared that it'll either be something bad, and I'll worry, or they'll tell me something super-good and then it won't go down like that, and then I'll be even more devastated. Yes, TTC makes your brain and your heart turn against you! Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to me in a difficult time:) A REALLY difficult time!
We got pregnant at 10 months, but miscarried at 5-6 weeks.
@78h2o: I get it, and I appreciate you sharing:) Don't feel bad about referencing your friend...That's pretty much what DH pep talks me with, all the ways we have it made - that we're so lucky in so many areas of life - in love, laugh our asses off at each other, good health, good jobs, etc, etc. So I know it could be a lot worse. And hell, even if it was a lot worse, we'd just have IVF until we got a baby. That's not how I want all this to pan out, but that's the cushion my brain is populating right now. IVF? Um, yeah, it blows and it's life-altering expensive, but if it works, it's life-altering. Period. So that's how i've consoled myself lately. That even if it takes IVF(s), we WILL have a baby. And we'll be stronger for it. I've seen a side of DH in these past few months that i didn't totally expect, but I do totally love and adore. He is so supportive, and so encouraging, I just love him and can't wait to make him a Daddy:) Thank you so much:)
@Mrs Sarah McK: Sometimes when I post about my frustrations, I think of you and feel like a total douchebag. I was so happy when you got your bfp, and literally cried when you lost it. I'm so sorry for your loss and for your struggles. And I am grateful for your support. Although I definitely don't deserve it. You are going to be a wonderful mother one day. Sometimes I think this is all a perseverance test to make us better mommas. I'd rather bang it out once I gave birth, but if this is the way it has to be, for whatever reason, then there's just not much that can be done other than, well, to just persevere. But we can do it together:)
I'm bumping for a SandDollar, for a Winniewolf, for a Lemondrop,for a Miss Mini (@MissMini- I know we majorly disagreed on a post, but honestly, I stand by my feelings,and yours may be different now that you're pg, but either way, I'm very very happy that you're healthily pregnant, and I've always still rooted for you and your LO. Just because I see something very differently than you, doesn't mean I can't still be happy for you, which I absolutely am. Not a bad person. Just agitated by a post that didn't make sense to me.)
Help a sister out here! I have lived through your stories, and I would like more of them:)
@jholler25: Thank you. When I feel particularly bitter about it all, I remind myself that there are girls who have been trying longer and harder than me. It helps me keep things in perspective. And I remind myself that no matter how long it takes or what we need to do to get there, we'll have a baby in our arms someday. It sucks hardcore now, but the alternative, to stop trying, isn't an option. And I know that when I have my baby, it's going to be so loved, and so incredibly wanted, and that someday, when they're old enough to understand, I'll tell them about how we struggled so long and hard, how we drove ourselves crazy and to tears month after month just to have them because we wanted them so very, very much.
Stay strong. I have no doubt you'll get there soon, and you're going to be such a great mother. This part sucks hard, but it'll we'll get there, and it will be so worth it.
BIG HUGS!
Mostly commenting for ease of finding this for ease of reference in the future. We'll be on "cycle 3" this month. "" since I haven't had a period since I went off the pill in Aug, so it's been three months of just doing it all the time and hoping we hit the possibly non-existent mark... Doctor said lack of period for 4 months, we'll reassess, and no babies after 6 we'll talk about other fertility treatments, since I was diagnosed with PCOS 4 years ago.
Happy baby wishes your way though!
@jholler25: this is totally unrelated, but your poll title reminded me of a video I have of my elderly grandmother "dancing" to that Tardy for the Party song. She was wheelchair bound due to crippling rehumatoid arthritis. It's a good reminder (for me anyway) that attitude is everything! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSg2cWkcAY (you might want to skip to 1:30, since she has the lights out for dramatic effect while she's describing what she's about to do). hopefully the sight of an old lady trying to dance to that song doesn't scar you for life! ;)
I have not been on the pill for 6 months, and still not pregnant. We know it may happen and we are welcoming this bundle of happiness with open arms. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't.. it will come. soon enough.
Well, 13 months, with the longest cycles you could imagine, and working with babies every day isn't easy. I will say I had some angry/bitter moments (like when a drug addicted mom lectured me on the joys of motherhood while her baby was withdrawing from drugs she chose to take - yeah, that was fun), but we always had faith that it WOULD happen, with time, and a maybe little help. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, had I known it would take that long though, and now that I am on the other side, in a weird way, the timing makes the most sense possible.
Not to say that I didn't have bad moments (seriously, that 200 day cycle was the worst kind of torture you could imagine), but they were genrally few and far between, and you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep your eyes on what comes next and what you can control (like BDing), and try to let go and not obsess about what you can't (when AF will come, when you will O, will the sperm and egg actually meet and implant).
Maybe it helps that DH was totally relaxed about the whole thing, totally loved the every second day no matter what sex, and was totally convinced that it would happen when it was meant to happen, and felt no stress or pressure over it at all. That is my advice and words of wisdom.
Guess what, in the end, when you actually get your BFP, it is often when you least expect it/when you have given up/taken a break and it comes as a total shock.
Well.. I have no right to chime in to this thread except to say that lurking and reading it makes me feel better. (Only, it sort of DOESN'T too?) Eh. The feeling that people are popping out BFP's every five seconds is crazy.
Most of the women around me (aunts, cousins, friends) did not get pregnant quickly.
Some had actual fertility problems, but they all eventually conceived.
Others were clear medically, but it just took them around 8 months to a little over a year to conceive naturally.
A lot of them know I'm worried about fertility issues and they have all told me the same thing- try as much as possible to have fun with sex and to not stress (as much as humanly possible) because that is when it always happened for them...when they kind of let go.
I know thats much easier said than done- and I doubt I will be able to "let go" easily and not stress like crazy!
best wishes to you jholler, and all the bees TTC
It took about 8 months for us, but only the second cycle of charting. Before charting, I was just using OPKs, but pairing the OPKs with the temping/ charting/CM observation is what really made the difference for us. Also, change your BD schedule up, for example, if you usually go for it during the PM, try some AMs in that fertile window, too. That's the main thing we changed the cycle it worked. Good luck! :)
I recently posted my daughter's birth story, which includes some information on our attempts to get pregnant: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/baby-girls-birth-story
The short answer: We got pregnant at 5 months but miscarried, then got pregnant again at 10 months, and that one stuck.
We had all the testing done, too, as I was 37 at the time. My FSH level was a little higher than my doctor would have liked, but apparently that didn't pose a problem for us ultimately.
Good luck. Have faith in your body's ability to know what to do, and when to do it.
It took us 8 months (6 cycles of active TTC) to get a sticky BFP. I'm now almost 12 wks pregnant and am just finally beginning to believe it's for real.
I went off the pill in January and we started TTC right away. The first two months, we did things the old fashioned way (no OPKs, just lots of BD). On month 3, we used OPKs. I got pregnant cycle 3 going off the pill, miscarried early, had to wait a full (LONG) cycle to TTC again so had to sit a cycle out, then got pregnant again on cycle 3 TTC again (but it was cycle 4 post miscarriage and cycle 7 overall.) Post-miscarriage, I used OPKs and green tea and mucinex.
Most of my friends and sister got pregnant (and stayed pregnant) on cycle 1 or 2. It was really hard for me to understand that some times things just take time. I echo @echo's comments about the difficulty in staying sane and positive and that, at the time, I just wanted to know how it would all end for us. I felt like if I JUST knew that I would get (and stay) pregnant again, than i would feel better and would relax. Meanwhile, all of my best friends got pregnant just before or around the time when we started TTC. I never got to be pregnant with them since by the time I got my sticky BFP, they had all delivered their babies.
I was 30 when we started TTC and 31 when we got a sticky BFP and will be almost 32 when baby winnie is born. My DH and I took the slow and responsible path in life - we were together for 7 years when we got engaged. Waited until we were done with med school/law school to get married. Then we waited over a year after being married to TTC. I felt like we had done everything by the books and were being smited for it.
If you look back at my old posts, I had some pretty blue days and threw many a pity party for myself. It felt like forever and I really didn't enjoy TTC at all. I felt like I was wishing my life away in 2 week increments, which made me feel pathetic and sad. Looking back, I realize that we conceived within a completely normal time frame and that it probably sounded insensitive to others on the boards who had been trying longer when I whined so much. So, when I write posts about staying positive and not freaking out, it's because I did the OPPOSITE and don't wish what I experience on anyone. Keep at it and try to stay positive...it will happen ; )
I didn't take the poll, as we are on our 5th cycle of actively TTC and still not pg. For the first two months we just tried to time things right and for the past three months, I have been charting BBT. We haven't missed our window in any of the past five months (timing wasn't great last month, but it wasn't that bad either).
I understand where you're coming from, jholler. I am ovulating every month, we are BD'ing every month when we should be--why has it not happened yet?? DH is 29, I am 25. We are both healthy from as much as physical exams and bloodwork can tell you. It is very disappointing for every month to go by without a BFP. When I get depressed, I think about some of the Bees and their struggles (MrsGreenGrass, panterapeach, jewishbride, and runningelley just to name a few) and then I don't feel quite so bad.
I know people who have had it much worse than me...my aunt (Mom's sister) and her husband went 7 years (SEVEN WHOLE YEARS) without getting pregnant. They were trying but didn't use any kind of fertility treatments that I know of. I cannot imagine living that way and waiting and hoping and praying for a baby for that long. And now that same aunt has seven children! Yes, its true! (One for every year that she couldn't get pg?? I don't know!) Anyways, once she actually conceived the first one, it was like her body said, "Hey, I know how to do this!" and she had no trouble conceiving the following six times.
My mom took 5 months to get pg with her first and had four children by the time that my aunt (above) had her first. A friend of mine took over a year to get pg with #1 and another four years to get pg with #2.
So yes....it does take time. Sometimes it takes a long time.... I didn't believe that it was hard to get pregnant. I was sure we would be pregnant within a month or two, but no such luck. For those people who do get pg on their first or second try, they are lucky. Luckier than they know.
You're not alone, jholler. Keep your chin up, girl!
I had shorter cycles (25-29 days) which helped, but it was our 18th cycle of very actively TTC that we finally got our BFP. We had been to the fertility doc, they didn't find anything and we were considering IUI vs IVF but planning to start the foster-to-adopt process within a couple of months. This particular cycle, I was out of town for work during my fertile week, staying in a hotel room with friends (who didn't know I was TTC) so I didn't bother charting that week but I know exactly which day our little guy was conceived because I got home, we did baby dance just for the hell of it despite us both being exhausted, and 10 days later... BFP! We'd both tried acupuncture, read the book Making Babies and tried many (not all) of the diet and supplement advice in the book, and had kind of quit doing all that stuff for about 2 mos before BFP.
My sister tried for 2 1/2 yrs, had used clomid, tried IUI, and none of that worked. She did acupuncture for one cycle and they got pregnant without any help. I really only have 1 friend who got pregnant within 2-3 months of trying, the rest have tried for 6 mos - 1 yr or more for their first and all have gotten pregnant without clomid/IUI/IVF. I just turned 33, DH is 35, all of our friends in their early 30's.
I can't tell you not to be discouraged, or that "It will happen" because we all know it might not. But my best advice is to distract yourself, as hard as that is, and enjoy the things now that you won't be able to enjoy later - big glass of wine (or a bottle!), hot bath, etc. And continue to talk to your partner about your plan B, whether that is medical interventions or adoption or whatever. We were really getting excited about adoption and still plan to go that route for one or two more future babies.
Thanks everyone for sharing! Your stories made me feel much less FON (freak of nature).
I'm bumping this for more non-FONs:)
we are starting our 13 month of TTC... still no BFP :( we stopped maybe 2 months during the whole process we would be at 15 months. But 2 months we just gave up for the month.
@jholler25: thank you so much for this thread! it feels good to know that not everybody gets their BFP on cyle 1 or 2. and i agree, it would be so much easier if we would know that one point down the road it will happen. but we just don't know. good luck to you!!!
@jholler25: Seriously. It's helping me really feel less like a FON not conceiving instantly. It feels like those that conceive quickly are surprisingly more vocal than those that aren't which makes me feel weird or broken. I spent most of last weekend feeling broken because we haven't conceived yet.
17 mos. and still not pregnant and just had my first IVF cycle cancelled Monday. I honestly feel like this may never, ever happen at times (and have felt like that for many months now) but a part of me is still hopeful that we will finally have a baby!!
@Ms Mini: Guess what, in the end, when you actually get your BFP, it is often when you least expect it/when you have given up/taken a break and it comes as a total shock.
THIS! Exactly what happened with me. I was at my breaking point and pretty much hopeles...and voila! I'm pregnant!
I'm not going to lie and say that I wouldn't change a thing. I would rather not have had to be put on clomid and have my entire demeanor change. In the end, even though it was a very long emotional journey, I know that I will appreciate this miracle more than if I got pregnant the first month like I wanted to be. Everything my dh and I went through was worth it and I would do it a thousand times over. Every time I'm in bed with horrible pain I know my son or daughter is growing inside of me...
Guess what, in the end, when you actually get your BFP, it is often when you least expect it/when you have given up/taken a break and it comes as a total shock.
Ms. Mini couldn't have said this more perfectly for me. Almost a year of trying and 2 miscarriages I was heart broken. I was beaten down and probably at my lowest point. I had scheduled an appt with a RE for 10/14, but on 9/18 I told DH I thought I was done trying. That putting myself through all of this had just gotten to be too much. I felt like it was consuming my life. Being pregnant started to become the only thing that mattered to me. I was taking for granted some relationships and I was self-loathing for sure. I wasn't me anymore and I hated it. He hugged me and said that whatever was best for me was best for us.
That night we had sex and like 2nd nature I propped up my legs. I was on day 40 I think of my cycle and really who knew what was going on with me. When DH came back from the bathroom he laughed and said I thought you were done. I actually started crying. I dropped my legs and honestly didn't even realize that I had done it. Based on dates from my ultra sound. That's the day we concieved. The day I gave up.
I have watched your journey jholler and I'm saying this from the heart with the best intentions. You are the most stressed and intense TTC'er I can think of. I really think a little break might do you some good mentally. I know thinking of stopping now seems crazy, but I just want you to think about it.
It took a year. I went off BC and after the 1st 45 days got my period, had one more wacky cycle, then they all came like clockwork, including my LP, but soemtimes the length of time changed.
I had given up. I did the laying on your back, etc, etc and NOTHING worked! Finally, Dec of last year, I gave up. I was going to make a doctor's appointment soon for my regular dr to give me a HSG and my SO to get a SA. I was terrified.
I remember when she was concieved because I was AVOIDING, but we took a chance b/c hey, after 11months, nothing's happening anyway.lol Next morning, TONS of CM and I thought a little, MAYBE this is it, but then changed my mind because didn't want to get my hopes up.
Turns out, it was the time! A total surprise.
Hey, sorry been on vacation, two weddings, and our shower this past week-all I can say is keep hanging in there, you WILL become a mom (some how, some way, you will find a way)!
Took us 10 months to get that real-deal BFP, and it felt like forever. My hardest months were around the holidays (if you need an understanding ear this time of year, just pm me!). Every single month I would go through the list of symptoms as everyone else on these boards has, testing early, overanalyzing temps and thinking about due dates. We tried all sorts of stuff, pre-seed, vitamin B, pineapple, Asprin, Fertility Friend, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and Making Babies (both excellent books!).
At the end of month #9 of trying, I couldn't take it anymore and went to the doctor to come up with a game plan- she advised moderate weight loss and if we didn't get our result by summer, she would do more testing. Two weeks later we decided to just enjoy our vacation and forget about everything, and that is when it happened. By that point I was exercising every day, eating better, and had lost several pounds, but of course had done my vacation drinking, horseback riding, and buffet eating that a cruise seems to require.
I avoided taking the test for several days after my period was due because of Mother's day, I could not stand another disappointing holiday. I really didn't really have a lot of symptoms until 7 weeks along, mainly just a very tired day about 7 DPO, I will always remember Puerto Rico as not being able to keep my eyes open. A few days later I got the BFP, and it has been the slowest and fastest time of our lives. After all the trying, I am grateful for every single day of morning sickness, kick to the bladder and jabs to the ribs that this little boy gives me.
I honestly think that things happen for a reason, taking longer has really helped me be at the best possible place career-wise and financially to take time off and only work part-time after he arrives. That would definitely not have been the case if it had happened right away. There is no "perfect" time, but it definitely has worked out to be the right timing for us.
Again, hang in there, I'm rooting for you guys!
PS- my husband definitely was convinced that I was turning into a crazy person with the process, and he was of course right, just don't tell him he was right ;)
My friends took 4 years of trying. I know another lady who took 8 years of trying! I think it is easy to get disheartened because we often hear stories of "It happened on our first try!" and "Surprise, I'm pregnant." First of all, I think a lot of those people may have been trying before that and not have told. People just tend to not talk about how things took longer unless you are close to them. I also know a lot of women that tell people and their SO that it was a surprise, when they in fact were trying in secret. I guess I just wanted to pipe in and say some positive words of encouragment. We are considering TTC and it is very stressful. I feel a lot of pressure, and I hate that. But remembering that people are not always honest seems to help. It is difficult to deal with something SO out of our control. I have become sensitive to stories about people "just getting pregnant" like that (snaps fingers here), but I also think because I am getting curious about possibly going down that road in our lives that I am more sensitive to it- in other words, those stories seem to be EVERYwhere!
I JUST VOTED ON MY OWN THREAD BECAUSE AFTER 7 MONTHS, I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@jholler25: Congratulations!!! All of your patience paid off :)
CONGRATS! See, it took you less than it took a lot of the girls on here!
Wishing you a wonderful healthy 9 months. :)
---
It took my husband and I 9 cycles of actively TTC.
How did we get through it?
Honestly, each other. I could not have done it without my husband's support and encouragement and vice versa. We're each others rocks in life and this hurdle was no different.
awwww yay!!!!!! i just got goosebumps!!!!! congrats!!!! im going on 5 months!! so i feel ya on thats! hopefully i get one soon!!
@jholler25: Can I say "I told you so?" :-) I knew this cycle sounded so good for you - your symptoms (or lack thereof) were textbook, you finally relaxed a bit (I know you hate hearing that), you stopped all meds and just let your body do what it was meant to do naturally (since you had no issues that required meds I mean).... and sure enough, it worked!!! CONGRATS!!! Sticky baby dust to you and a very happy and healthy nine months to you!
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