(Closed) For those who don't live with SO, do you find it harder to wait?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I am! We’re engaged so it’s not so bad now, but before I felt like my life was on hold until he proposed. It wasn’t true of course; I was going to school, volunteering and working, but it can be really hard to not live together. We’ve also been dating 4.5 years, so that makes it even tougher.

It’s one more thing to look forward to though! Just try to remember that when you’re feeling antsy.

Post # 4
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

Yep, and it sucks.

I really can’t wait for the day I can go home with him and stay there..permanently.

We only have 6 more months (give or take, I can’t decide on a stinkin date, LOL) but it feels like forever.

Post # 5
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

Hell no.

In reflection, the fact that we maintain our own lives has helped to make this waiting time run much more smoothly.

 

Post # 6
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

On one hand, it is harder waiting when you don’t live together, because you are not only waiting on the proposal and whatnot, but you’re waiting for the other things too:

-Waking up next to your Love everyday
-Not having to drive across town just to see each other
-Merging your belongings/buying furniture together
-Making big financial decisions together
-Having a pet/baby together
-Doing menial tasks together

….

I know most of the stuff on that lists sounds dumb, but to people that don’t live together before they get married, most of them are just really excited to finally start merging their lives together. Of course, there is that period of transition because when you’re used to living on your own, it can be difficult adjusting right away.

But as far as waiting, I think it’s been easier on me because I’m not around him 24/7 to wonder about it. I think if I moved in with him beforehand, I would be tempted to look through his stuff, talk about it 100000x more, and feel worse because if he has already moved in with me, why has he not asked me yet?!?!!?

Of course, everyone is different, but knowing my personality, that living situation would just make things worse for me. I’d rather wait separate. I’m really busy now that school/sports has started, so it’s a welcomed distraction.

Plus, SO has been planning epic weekends these past few times, and they’ve been great, so I haven’t even thought about the proposal at all since I’ve been having so much fun. Woo!

Post # 7
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We lived together due to circumstances and I think that was harder because he got comfortable having a wife without having a wife kwim?  From his perspective he already had what he wanted ( most of it anyways ;D) so there was no rush. It sometimes made me resentful. 

Post # 8
Member
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think not living together and, in my case, being long distance, def helps in the waiting process. We both are busy with work and our lives. Nice thing is, since we don’t live together and are long distance, we have about reached our point with having to be so far apart all the time. It’s actually making us want to get engaged soon (we’re lookin at rings) so we can get closer to closing that gap and starting our lives together. I can’t wait. 

Post # 9
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

So weird! I was driving home from SO’s house tonight feeling the exact same way. We also have decided to wait to live together until we are married. This is a silly example but I have a nasty sinus infection/bronchitis and all I wanted was to cuddle up in his arms and wake up and do Sunday errands together.

We also live an hour and a half away from each other so with our jobs and life in general it’s hard to see each other as much as we would like. As much as I love my life now and don’t want to let go of it, I can’t wait for the proposal so we can “officially” start planning this next step in our futures. I feel the exact same way, basically 🙂

Post # 10
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i understand completely! my FI and I don’t live together, but will for a year or so before getting married, and it is really frustrating waiting to live together! we want to live together now but are not financially stable enough yet, so looking forward to being able to move out and actually be able to set an official date and book things!

Post # 11
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My fiance and I will live apart until we are married, and I have many of the same frustrations.  I know I will get to live with him in 9 months or so, but I really just want to do the household things with him.  I want to go to bed with him every night.  Read books next to each other.  Cook breakfast.  Wake up and ask, “What are we going to do today?”  Find his socks in every fathomable place.  Everything.  It’s very hard to wait for these things.  At the same time, I really want these things as husband and wife.  I want to build our lives together starting with the wedding.

Post # 12
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

One of our silly examples is going to a family party and having to leave separately. If I go to his house he has to stay and I have to leave and vice versa. Or when we go to other locations we both have to leave separately. It would be nice to go home together. 

Another is when we go on vacation, share a room, and then have to go to separate homes and sleep alone. That first night apart is killer. 

I think the waiting is easier not living together, but at the same time I also feel like I’m waiting to share a home. What makes it difficult is knowing that even if we got engaged now, we wouldn’t be able to share a home for a while (finances and school/work locations), so in a way it really does make sense for us to wait on the engagement. 

I can’t tell which I’m waiting for more lol

Post # 13
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I livmy with my guy, I feel like if I didn’t, I’d be more anxious about taking the step to live together rather than getting engaged. Because we do live together, and I have been his wife without a ring for around 5 years, that I am so consumed with having everything be “official.”

Post # 14
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Whilst I can’t wait to live with him (we’re not planning on moving in together until after we get engaged – it was the compromise we reached lol), I like the fact that we are not living together yet and I think that not living together is helping make the waiting easier. 

Post # 15
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wont be living with my SO until we are married due to the way he was raised. I had always planned on moving in before a marraige.

For me there are times when it is really really hard to wait because, like other posters, it makes me feel like my life is on hold. Some days it is even difficult to talk about things in the future because we arent even engaged yet.It was so hard last night for example, when we were both tired and snuggly, all we could picture was going to home and curling up in eachothers arms on our own couch.. and that seems so far away.

Other times I am happy that it is this way because it makes getting married and starting a life together so much more exciting and fun. Having to wait creates a much more intense sense of anticipation that I dont think I would be able to expereince otherwise.

Post # 16
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

No , its definitely made the situation easier for me not living with him. If I lived with him i’d be even more mad than i am lol i’d probably always be up in his face asking him why I was good enough to live with and not marry. Living seperately for now keeps my mind busy doing other things and even when I am having a bad waiting day he doesnt always know about it because we only see each other around 3 to 4 times a week (when I’m sad or mad its written all over my face and body language never been good at hiding emotions) I wouldnt want him to see me so stressed and upset like I have been especially these last few months the space is good for me.

 

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