Post # 1
Me and soon-to-be-FI just graduated college in May and we live in his parents’ basement that we decorated and made our own. We get to live there rent-free (I buy all my own food, toiletries, etc.) We live with his mom and dad, pets and his 25-year-old sister, who will likely not be moving out anytime soon. It is incredibly generous of them, and a fantastic opportunity for us to save.
I am happy to report that all has gone well so far, but we will still be living there for another year and a half. Our goal is to be moved out by the wedding in fall of 2015, and we will be looking for a house. Where we live housing is very adfordable, but renting is expensive for some reason. So we feel better investing rather than renting.
Anyway, I get a little down thinking about how long we have to wait, but I can honestly say I am definitely not ready to own a house anytime soon! Right now we’re enjoying our little basement abode, and our generally carefree lifestyle.
So anyway, the whole point is this is just to see if anyone else lived with their SO and family members for an extended period of time, and if so, what were your experiences? Did it seem to take forever to move out, or did it give you time to adjust?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I did not, but two of my closest friends both started out living with one set of parents. Neither one worked out well. I think it all depends on your family and the situation though and if things have been going well for you so far then I would hope they would continue to go well.
One of my friends lived in her parents house with her FI. Before they were married he basically lived in the finished basement and she continued sleeping in her bedroom upstairs. Once they got married they bought a queen size bed for her bedroom and slept there but continued to use the finished basement as their living space. Her parents even had an extra bathroom added to the basement during their home remodeling just for them. However, after about three months after the wedding her husband couldn’t stand living with “parents” anymore and insisted they move out. He actually packed up his stuff and just left. Her mother was very OCD (admittedly so) when it came to cleaning. I just don’t think he could take having scheduled days of when they had to change their sheets, do their laundry, do the dishes etc…it was a little too structured for him. They live in an apartment above his mother’s business. Rent free, so in a way it’s still like their living off his mom just not with her.
Another friend of mine lived with her FI’s mother and again after they got married she couldn’t take it and they very quickly got their own apartment. It came down to weird “house rules” again. His mother would close the kitchen at 8-9pm. They were not allowed to cook anything after that time. She said she didn’t want to have to clean again. Even when my friend would offer and tell her MIL that she would clean up, no worries, her MIL would not allow it. She always saw her as a guest in her home and wouldn’t let her clean etc. But she would leave her notes like “Please be out of the house by 8am tomorrow as I need to vacuum and do not want to do so while you’re sleeping downstairs.” – Kind of odd and passive aggressive I think.
So you can see how these situations did not work out. But every situation is different. There was a lot of adjusting for both of these couples when they did move out. Neither of them had ever lived alone. It’s an adjustment to become completely independent. Both my FI and I have lived on our own alone for 4-5 years so our biggest adjustment will just be living together since we’re now so used to our own space.
Post # 4
We value our privacy too much to ever consider living with anyone except each other. It depends what is more important to you, saving money or privacy…I will sacrifice savings to have my own space!
Post # 5
I have lived with my DH and his grandma since we got married in May. Orginally, we were supposed to be staying here, just us, since his grandma had had some medical issues and was supposed to be living with my DH’s parents house for a while…. that is, until we moved in.
When we first moved in in May, she would constantly come over and make surprise appearances and start cleaning up our small messes throughout the house (a couple dishes in the sink, she’d throw my blanket from the couch in the living room into our room, she’d even come into our room… she’d make lists of all the excessive yardwork that needed to be done) and then she’d complain all day about how messy we were (we really are not messy at all) to his parents. I was pissed that we were newlyweds now dealing with privacy issues. So finally she decided to move back into the house obviously because she needed to keep it clean?
After months of living with her, we’re exhausted. She hardly runs the air, she sits in the living room all day long, she sleeps with her door open?, gives our dog scraps (haha), the list goes on. We are planning on moving out in a month, but it cannot come any sooner. I can’t wait to have our own space to relish in and make ours… It has only been a few months, but it has definitely felt like forever.
Post # 6
My ex-BF and I lived with my parents in a similar situation: we turned the finished basement into our little apartment, and my parents didn’t charge us rent. However, it was miserable.
My parents are pretty miserable people to begin with, but if we had the TV/music on “too loud” (by their standards) then they’d scream at us.
And then my mom would guilt-trip us that we wasn’t spending enough time upstairs, with them.
There was no outdoor access in our basement either, so we had to go upstairs in the main house and use the front door. So if we came home late, even though we were both adults, my mom and dad would still say crap to us.
And the only thing the finished basement *didnt* have, was a kitchen… so I had to cook our meals upstairs, which would’ve been fine if my mom didn’t stand over me the whole time; or she’d get pissed we were using the kitchen “too late at night” (by her standards) even though we ALWAYS cleaned up after ourselves… so we bought a toasted oven for our basement and I just started cooking down there.
It was a great opportunity to save up money, but you know what? As soon as I moved out, reality hit and sh*t happened (car broke down, cats got sick, tuition increased, etc) and I ended up with debt anyway.
I’m not trying to be a downer, just giving a realistic perspective 🙂
Post # 7
My FI and I live with my parents in my childhood bedroom LOL. It sucks, I mean we really miss having our own space but we can save a lot. My younger brother also lives there, he puts a strain on everything because we don’t get along (he’s a lazy video game addicted hermit). I get along with my parents but it’s very hard not having our own space and privacy. We have been there for 2.5 years and will be moving in hopefully 5 months.
Post # 8
The summer of 2011 my husband (we were only dating at the time) and I lived with his parents and that was an eye opening experience to say the least.
He had just graduated college and was actively on the job hunt. I was interning in his hometown (his parents offered to let me live at their home for free for the summer that’s why I chose to intern there) so we just moved into their finished basement. I kept offering to pay for groceries or help with bills but his mom insisted that as long as I help keep the house clean she didn’t mind. Mind you, DH and I had a good relationship with his family.
Well about three weeks into this arrangement things went sour. FIL was (finally got help last year) a very heavy drinker and became very upset about us living together. He would throw my clothes from the washer onto the floor and put his in the wash, throw my food away, bitched that I was a freeloader, called us fornicating sinners and best of all told DHs younger brother if he every brought a skank like me home, he’d get kicked out! At this point, DH and I were ready to get an apartment somewhere but since he hadn’t gotten a job yet, he didn’t want to get tied down.
MIL did her best to keep FIL calm but it really made things stressful. He wouldn’t talk to DH and I even if we just said hello. It put a lot of stress on our relationship but I just worked as much OT as possible to stay out of the toxic environment. By late June DH found a job. When school started and I left things remained toxic at his parents house.
Finally in December we were able to close on our home and let me tell you, that was a GLORIOUS moment! It was so nice to see DH without walking on eggshells or listening to FIL babble. I know if FIL hadn’t been drinking it might have been a better experience but it was tough. It took a few months for his family to start talking to us again. I think they were embarrassed with how things went but now things are ok. His father stopped drinking completely!
My suggestion would be to make sure you have the ground rules laid out and know the boundaries. Good luck!!
Post # 9
@Artificial-Sweetener: Wow, that is a LONG time! Congrats on moving soon!
Whoa, I feel very fortunate now! Luckily for me, SO’s parents give us lots of space and are SUPER laid back. That’s important because I am someone who needs a lot of space. I feel like I really lucked out with them! No real “rules,” we just help out around the house and clean up after ourselves.
That being said, I do a ton of realtor.com stalking haha
Post # 10
@Cummins59: I am so sorry you went through that! Yeesh..I’ve already been here about five months and things are still good, so hopefully that keeps going.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
My sister and her 33 year old fiance live in my parents’ basement, and have since June.
My parents have come to hate them every living moment and are looking forward to January, which is when they promised they would be out.
I would just recommend not wearing out your welcome or doing things like my sister’s fiance such as bringing random people to crash in the house without permission, interrupting my dad when he’s working, taking one of the rooms and just claiming it as his office, tagging their basement walls with graffiti, going through all of the boxes in the house because he’s ‘curious’, et cetera.
Post # 12
I lived with an ex/family for three months. By the end I realized I couldn’t stand his family, and we broke up 6 months later (after buying our house, unfortunately).
Post # 13
@thejucheidea: We sort of have the opposite of that situation…
His family never wants them to leave lol. There are three generations of his family living in the same neighborhood, so the bigger issue is them getting used to the idea of us moving out. His sister is 25 and they are in no hurry for her to leave, and they’d probably keep me and the BF there until we’re 30.
Also, digging through boxes and graffiti-ing the walls, what the WHAT?!
Post # 14
Definitely realizing that I lucked the heck out. I could talk to his mother for hours about anything, and his sister and dad are great, too. Oh, and my bf is pretty amazing as well 🙂 I’m sorry so many of you had such tough situations with it! But again, getting our own place will be a beautiful thing.
Post # 15
@aquarius_91: My FI and I graduated college in December of last year and moved in with his parents because we knew we had to move for my graduate school in the summer and his parents said it would be wasteful to rent something for such a short period of time (and my FI is the baby of the family and they loved having him home and his brother had justed moved out). It went really well because they are very low-key/laid back people all though after six months we were very ready to move and rent our apartment here. He actually still lives with his parents as he looks for a job where we have our apartment and I am in graduate school so not paying for two seperate apartments is nice.
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
@aquarius_91: He also tagged some tile that was at my parents’ house waiting to be delivered to our house for our home renovations. We were super excited about that, as you can imagine.
He also stole things from our house when he came with my sister to do something for our dogs. Ugh.