Post # 1
I’ve read some threads on here about how rude it is to send an STD and not follow up with a invite but here is my situation:
Fiance and I were pretty close friends with this girl for 2 years (when we lived in residence), 3rd year we all moved out of residence and we kinda lost touch. The following year she went to Belgium to be a nanny – fb messaged randomly but never really kept in touch. She was back in the same city for a few months and we didn’t see each other or talk. She then moved to the states for a Masters program – still didn’t talk. The extent of our friendship was ‘happy birthday’ on facebook.
So she was back in Canada last summer for 2 months – I invited her over for dinner to catch up and everything was fine. She made a comment about how she is coming back this summer for 2 week because of our wedding and another girl from University (2 weeks apart) – and although I had sent out the STD longg before and had no intention of sending her one, I awkwardly got up and and handed her a save the date (I didnt know what to do!!!). I facebooked her to get together again while she was in town and another friend invited her to mine and Fiance going away party (moved for schooling) and she didn’t even decline or reply just ignored it. We never had a falling out, just grew apart.
We will be sending our inivtes soon and I have no intention of sending her an invite (not that I have her address if I wanted too). Haven’t talked to her in months, however I did noticed last week shes been ‘liking’ my wedding related statuses… LOL
Am I a bad person?
Post # 3
I would invite her its just one guest.
Post # 4
I don’t think you’re a bad person. There are times that we’re put on the spot like that. If you ever bump into her and she says anything, just politely lie that you’re so sorry and honestly say you didn’t have her address. Perhaps consider setting up a filter on your FB that excludes her from wedding posts. I did that with certain people.
Post # 5
I think you’ve really got to invite her. You’re not a bad person for not wanting to – she did put you in an awkward spot with the STD – but an STD is a precursor to an invite pretty much without exception. It’s one person, you really won’t even notice on the day of the wedding.
Post # 6
@canuba: She living with a guy now so I think I’d have to give her a plus one. We have 80 people coming – parents/ grandparents/ aunts and uncles (i have a lot but am close with all)/ and close friends… I decided I wasn’t having any randoms at my wedding and although we were close like 4 years ago we aren’t anymore. There a lot of others I’d want to invite before her. I haven’t talked to her since I invited her for dinner last June!
I hate being put in awkward positions like that… I felt like I had no choice but to give her one.
Why do people assume they are invited 🙁 LOL not that giving an STD helped my situation
Post # 7
The time to say something was when she assumed she was being invited… Not only did you not say anything, but you confirmed that she was a guest by handing her the STD. Forced or not, it came directly from your hands. (I have an issue that my mom sent out some unauthorized save the date emails….I was pissed, but we’re ultimately inviting everyone even though we didn’t personally invite.)
I would invite her – but – invite without the boyfriend. Maybe she’ll choose not to come as a result.
Post # 8
Are you a bad person if you don’t invite her? No.
But are you prepared for the consequences?
(Worst case scenario: She will think–with some reason!– that you are rude, she will probably gossip about you, conveniently leaving out the part where she forced a STD, she might decide she doesn’t want to be friends at all [is that ok with you?] and if you do ever see her again, it will probably be reallllllly awkward.) If that’s worse than having to invite her and pay for her dinner or whatever, then go ahead!
Post # 9
I would just go ahead and send her an invitation. She may not even end up being able to attend. You’ll find that your decline rate is probably going to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 percent, so you’ll probably be OK by following through on your STD and inviting her to the wedding.
Post # 10
@thanlon_88: Sorry…that wasn’t really a forced STD…you got up and gave her one. If you give out an STD, you need to invite her to the wedding. I’m with PP who said that the time to say something was when she assumed she was invited to your wedding.
Post # 11
I agree that you should invite her. If you have drifted apart, there’s a good chance she won’t come.
Post # 12
@kay01: sigh… I’m so weak! lol I guess an invite without the plus one and see where it goes from there… if she got engaged tomorrow I’d be happy for her but would not expect an invite to her wedding!
ps i do realize this is all my fault 🙂 thanks for your thoughts ladies!
Post # 13
I myself recieved an STD AND an invite to a wedding. Then an email telling me that they deicded I wasn’t invited anymore due to guest limit, not even the decency of a phone call, just a two sentence email. And I had already booked airfare and accomodation. I was ssooo pissed off, and as a result my cousin and I no longer speak.
So I have been on the recieving end of it, and it does hurt.
Does the STD have the details of where and when the wedding is? If its just a generic date then you can probably slide it past with just hurting her feelings. However if all the info is on there, you run the risk of her turning up anyway. Maybe you could contact her and chat to her about guest list limitations and the like. Let her down gently.
Its one thing to not be invited to a wedding, but to be invited and then uninvited is really pretty shitty.
Post # 14
@Firie: Wow. That is terrible. I hope you were/are able to apply the cost of those airline tickets (and whatever you were planning to provide to the couple as a wedding gift) to a nice little vacation for yourself.
Post # 15
@Firie: eek! that is awful! 🙁 well I know there is no airfare – she is a couple of hours driving. she is a lot closer with the other person who is getting married just after mine – but if she is coming up for hers why not hit up mine as well…
i will invite her… because clearly that is the right thing to do! buttt i am frustrated that she ignored my messages/ invites to get together when she was in town and hasn’t asked how our move went and how school has been in the past 6 months!
Post # 16
You could always send it out at the last possible polite day to send out an invite. It’s also not your fault if the invite gets lost in the mail >.> I shouldn’t joke like that, especially since that actually did happen to my friend. She invited our friend A but A never replied so she had to call to find out the RSVP info. She was annoyed about it until two days before the wedding when she got the invite returned in the mail; it had never been delivered.