Post # 1
My husbands best friend Marc and his bride Jenn have decided that she theywant to be married in Europe. We live in Santa Rosa. While we are thrilled that they are engaged and are very happy for them, our three other best friends and I are hoping that they will decide to be married here in the states as a foreign wedding will be quite expensive for everyone. My husband has suggested that we be honest with her and tell her that we cannot afford it. However all of our friends feel that if we do not go, we will lose their friendship. The couple has suggested that we begin saving now so that we can afford their wedding. Help!
Post # 3
Wow, I would hope you are all much closer friends than that statement implies! I cannot imagine losing someone’s friendship just because I could not (afford to) attend their wedding.
I’m with your husband – tell her honestly that you wish her all the best from the bottom of your heart, but you cannot be there to celebrate with her, and hope that there will be a state-side opportunity to do so after their European celebration.
Post # 4
Hi Thanks! I think you are right. Jenn has alreadu=y let us know that if we can’t save enough that we shouldnt bother coming. The ard part is that we have been friends with her since gradeschool and we are cinflicted about our roles.
Post # 5
If you can’t afford it then be honest with yourself and tell them. If they gave you enough time to save and you do want to go through the effort, then budget and plan.
The couple must know that having a destination wedding means that everyone will not be able to attend.
Good luck, you can still be supportive even though you may not attend.
Post # 7
I think it’s amazingly presumptuous to tell someone to save for your wedding, no matter how good friends you are. Gee, they might want to save instead for a house or a car or to send their kids to college.
I understand that it will cost people a good chunk of change to come to my wedding in NYC, but I’d never suggest to them that they are being fiscally irresponsible if they decide they cannot afford it. In fact, the opposite is true, and friendship does not require going into debt to realize your friend’s every fantasy.
Post # 8
See, this? THIS is why I hate destination weddings. It makes some guests who are very close to the couple feel guilty or even like they’re risking the friendship if they can’t afford to go.
Rant over. That said, I agree with the other commenters that have said to just wish them all the best, send a nice wedding gift and maybe take them out to dinner when they get back from the wedding to celebrate if they don’t hold a state-side celebration of some sort. But don’t feel forced to go on a vacation you can’t afford.
It sounds as though they wouldn’t actually end the friendship over it if she told you not to worry about going if you can’t afford it – and good thing, because that’s the right attitude. It would be a horribly awful thing to do on their part if they were to end the friendship because you weren’t willing to shell out thousands of bucks to attend. If they threatened to end the friendship if you didn’t go to their wedding, I’d basically consider that emotional blackmail and would refuse to play that game. (I’m not implying that is what they’re doing though.)
Post # 9
Oh no! The debate continues