(Closed) Formal dress? is this just a cultural thing?

posted 5 years ago in East Asian
Post # 3
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am caucasian and my DH is Chinese. Oh my, the wedding planning was awful. My MIL isn’t very good about discussing her wishes, she just wanted us to ‘know’ them. We fought a lot because I don’t know Asian culture and my DH was aware of the Chinese traditions. We finally started asking his dad to explain to us what was wanted so we can act on it. If your mom is like my MIL and won’t just say what she wants, maybe a close friend or relative can explain her wishes.

Regarding how formal things are, my ILs saw the wedding as a chance to show off, so while they didn’t dictate attire, they did require 2 additional receptions so they can show off how they wanted to (instead of how we wanted our wedding to look).

Hope that helps!

Post # 4
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I may not be chinese but I am south asian. I think that perhaps it is kind of a cultural or traditional thing. I believe that to a certain degree weddings are considered an occasion where a certain degree of formality is required, regardless of the atmosphere the couple wishes for. In my experience this view is held especially by my parents generation. My mom will only wear a sari to a wedding no matter whose wedding it is, no matter where it is or when it is, because in her eyes that is what is appropriate.

It’s kind of like how in some cultures ladies wear hats to church. 

Post # 6
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m not Chinese, rather I’m half-Korean as if my fiance. Both our mothers are the Korean ones. Right away, I asked my mother if she wouldn’t mind wearing the same traditional Korean dress she wore at my brother’s wedding a few years ago (because man, they’re expensive!) and she said she would.

 

On the other hand, I also wanted my future mother-in-law to wear a traditional Korean dress but she said she wasn’t comfortable wearing one. She said it was because in Korean tradition, the mother of the groom is not supposed to “out dress” or “out do” the mother of the bride. So instead of wearing a traditional Korean dress, she’s wearing an American style dress. My mother has never heard of this “out dress” or “out do” in her life so… I’m just letting my mother-in-law wear whatever she wants so it’s not a hassle.

Post # 7
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Maybe a tat bit late, so far from my wedding planning with a very tranditional chinese family (I’m also chinese but my family more lay back) and still view wedding as a formal affair. It’s their chance to show off to their guests and everythings have to properly done. Hence why I who is not so traditional having bit difficult time for everything in this wedding is compromising w/the future in laws and all the fancy schmany stuff. I’m trying to sneak in as much american wedding elements as possible since i’m not all crazy for whole traditional chinese wedding stuff.

I am happy that my wedding will not have red in. I’m not a huge fan of the chinese red, only red dress I’m wearing is the Kunkwa for tea ceremony. My mom took me to a qipao maker and custom order two qipao (one for me and one for her). Both dad will be in a black suits and mom in qipao. So far all chinese wedding I’ve been to are formal or semi-formal but not totally black tied. I’ve seen people showed up in jean and sneakers which the host families frown upon, then lots of gossips and shit talks about them and why invite, etc.

 

~Juju

Post # 9
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hi, first timer here Smile

I decided to post here first because this just happened to me yesterday! 

My mom’s visiting and I mentioned to her that my fiance and I decided to dance salsa for our first dance instead of traditional ballroom. I’m Korean, he’s Hispanic. We’re both dancers but he’s more comfortable with salsa as he’s never had ballroom experience so we decided to go with that.

Mama BLEW UP!

A fight ensued with me defending the decision and her saying things like, “well I guess this isn’t a black tie event anymore!!!” and continued to huff and puff. Apparently salsa dance is a common party dance that will de-fancify my wedding and make our family look bad. OMG.

She wants classic, traditional, and nothing is to deviate from that because that’s supposed to be how it is and that’s how it always was before. She can’t fathom anything different and wants “high class” (her words), long gowns, and she’s getting professional makeup… for herself and my aunts. Totally cultural, she wants to show off her family.

So let’s make mama happy and do ballroom… and then sneak salsa in!

Post # 11
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

A bit late and CONGRATULATION on your wedding date! I just looked over to my calendar and realize its 9/15/13. 

@TheyCallMeMrsC: I’m doing alot of stuff for my wedding just to keep peace with my traditional future in laws and my parents while maintaining bit of us. Lucky, fiance been standing with me through most of the planning. 🙂

We are doing waltz for our first dance. I would love to do Salsa, then again my fiance not a dancer.I was joking with him during one of our practice if he regret agreeing to Waltz instead of free style (easier). He actually said ‘YES’ but I really appreciate he decided to do Waltz. It’s one of my fav 🙂

 

~Juju

Post # 12
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Jujubean:  Awesome your fiance is supportive as is mine. I often joke and tell him he still has time to flee! Mama has so far had input on how much my dress should poof, what songs we should play during processional & recessional (traditional wedding march music of course. . .yeah that was another fight), and she demanded a bridal party when we didn’t want one (because you’re SUPPOSED to!!!!). At some point we decided it was best to just agree and do what she wants. Sounds awful but for the most part it’s just easier that way and quite funny actually when she makes her demands 🙂

The topic ‘Formal dress? is this just a cultural thing?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors