Formal way to address invite to married couple?

posted 3 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Yes, that is the formal/traditional way to do it

Post # 4
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor

I HATE this. Why don’t any “etiquette experts” recognize that in this day and age the wife is not property of the husband and should be recognized by her own name?? I have been struggling with this issue as well, since every “respected source” insists that “Mr and Mrs John Doe” is the only correct option. 

My cousin’s invites said “Mr and Mrs John and Jane Doe” and I said “Oh I guess that works, right?” And both my mom and grandma were like “No!” so I’m still in the dark here.

Post # 5
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

yes, it is indeed the 21st century and you can use both first names, i just recently got an otherwise very traditional invite that did indeed acknowledge me as a human being. mom and grandma will get over it, possibly won’t even know if you’re addressing everything yourself.

Post # 6
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I definitely “broke etiquette” and did Ms. Jane and Mr. John Doe.  I beleive if you are separating the wife’s name out, you use ‘Ms.’ and not ‘Mrs.’…..but I could to TOTALLY of base there.  I wanted both names on the invite, so I didn’t really care about etiquette.  I feel like if anyone really cared, they have bigger problems!  

Post # 7
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I didn’t even put Mr and Mrs.  But, my family is pretty casual and informal.  I’m sure DH’s family had some thoughts about it, but no one said anything to me.

Just got an invite from someone on his side to Mr and Mrs His name.  I just take a deep breath and realize that they are more traditional.  But I still hate it.

Post # 8
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I went mostly traditional with Mr. & Mrs. John Doe unless it was Dr. Jane Doe & Mr. John Doe or the couple was unmarried. Honestly, it saved me time and room on the envelope and I know no one I am inviting will be offended by it done the traditional way. Some of my recently married friends actually were quite excited to get their first pieces of mail addressed to Mr. & Mrs. But I can see both sides and I would be fine receiving either.

Post # 9
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Audrey2_sings:  I’d hate to be addressed as Ms, sounds like you’re divorced! I actually quite like getting post to Mr and mrs John doe, and that’s how I always address envelopes to married couples. If I am just writing to the woman though I write Mrs Jane Doe, not Mrs john doe.

Post # 10
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@asagirl:  That is the traditional way, and is formal and correct. However, I have always used “Mr & Mrs John & Jane Doe.”  it is also correct.  If the wife uses her maiden name, she is included, I.e. “Mr John Doe & Ms Jane Smith,” or the same if they are unmarried and she is Miss Jones.  And in the case if a same sex married couple,  you would use “Mr John Smith & Mr Mike Doe.”  So, I find it archaic, and disrespectful, not to include the wife’s first name, when heterosexual, married woman, who chose to take her husband’s surname, is the only person in society not mentioned by her given name.

Post # 11
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Hemnes:  Huh, I definitely never would have thought of it that way!  I mean, the woman is still linked to her husband’s last name.  Oh well!  I’m not super worried about it.

@Duncan:  +1

Post # 12
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

The traditional and formal way is to do Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I hate it too, because I don’t want to lose my name!

I have read that if you want to include the wife’s name, the best way to do so is to write Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe. In this case the wife’s name goes first because the man’s name should never be separated from the surname (so no Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe).

Also, Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe is wrong because of the previous mentioned reason, and the ‘ands’ do not agree with each other – they are not both Mr. and Mrs. and their names are not both John and Jane, which is what that wording implies.

So if you want to stay formal and include the wife’s name, stick with Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe. Some folks may still dislike it, but oh well!

Post # 13
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would rather someone break formal etiquette than address me by my husband’s name. That’s more insulting to me than some archaic rule. Even my mom, who is very traditional when it comes to weddings and etiquette, hates that.

Post # 14
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bowsergirl:  Whose rule is that?  I’ve never seenbefit form before.

Post # 15
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

OP, perhaps you could do something like Mr and Mrs Doe on the envelope and John and Jane Doe on the actual invite?

@Audrey2_sings:  I wouldn’t be worried either, I wouldn’t like it, but I would forget very quickly as it wouldn’t be that big a deal! I just don’t know a Ms that is still with her husband, only divorced or separated.

Post # 16
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Duncan:  Which one? The husband’s name not being separated from the surname? I’ve read it on multiple sources online when figuring out how to address things. I didn’t consult Emily Post or anything though.

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